Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Sixers vs. Heat: Game 2 Breakdown. Is it Time to Die?

I want Belinelli to kiss my belly. 

There’s an old saying: You live by the three, you die from cancer. It’s completely untrue. You can also die from AIDS or dysentery or in my case, sad and alone, from some sort of undiagnosed rectum infection, as I complain to my Jamaican nurse about Robert Covington being wildly inconsistent.

I mean, as much as I love guys shooting the ball directly into the backboard, and Marco Belinelli taking off-balance fadeaway 27-footers, you can’t rely on just shooting threes. Just like you can’t survive on only eating meatball hoagies. That being said, I have eaten meatball hoagies for three, mayyyyyyyybe four, of my last five meals and will obviously die from them.

I think it’s clear that the Sixers need some sort of inside presence to get them some easy buckets. If only they had a 7-foot, skilled, athletic, hilarious African man who had a personal vendetta against the Heat’s starting center and an unrelenting desire to play.

Ooookkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyy.

Oh well. Amir Johnson was serviceable.

Of course, it’s not Embiid’s fault that the Sixers lost. They just got outplayed—specifically by a 36-year-old, possibly bloated, legend. We knew D Wade was going to go off at some point, I just didn't expect it to be on a night when tip-off took place literally a half an hour before his bedtime.

The truth is, even though Kelly Olynyk and Justise Winslow are certified bitchmaids, I kinda like how physically the Heat played, and you can't deny that they have some certified goat master generals.




Goran Dragic is a BEAST (who shoots the most adorable little floaters).

Head might've actually exploded three seconds after this photo was taken. 


Ronde DiVincenzo's tooth is hilarious.

AND an Abe Lincoln beard. 

And James Johnson seems like a real one.

He’s even got a ridiculous neck tattoo that says something like MAYMAY.

It obviously doesn't say Maymay. 

Turns out (and I did some research on this, seriously), it actually says "NAYMIN 3.9.13"—in honor of his son who was born prematurely on that date and battled for his life. So that's nice for them.

Plus, when Johnson was on the Grizzlies, they had a neck tattoo giveaway in his honor, which is pretty much the most incredible giveaway in the history of giveaways.

L, O, and then follow that up with another L. 

By the way, further research (aka a Wikipedia search) showed that James Johnson was arrested in 2014 for beating and choking his wife. So fuck that guy.

I always thought a cool gimmick would be to make NBA shooting sleeves—or form-fitting, long-sleeve shirts—with individual player’s tattoos on them. Like you could get an Iverson one that had "HOLD MY OWN" and "ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE" on each arm. We could call them "Sleeversons." Boom, four million dollar idea.

Sadly, the series is now all tied up at one.

I do NOT have four million dollars.

And Hal Greer is dead.

What a lousy time to be alive.

Until Thursday.

7 comments:

  1. Sleeversons is the best business idea ever! Like, for real. People would buy them with their money. Please, please, please make it happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +2349066410185 or contact him on his website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me

      Delete
  2. We are direct mandate to providers and facilitators of all types of Bank Guarantee (BG), SBLC for Lease and Purchase. We engage in MTN, PPP programs, MT109, MT799, MT760, Loans, Sale and Lease of Financial Instruments. In addition we have a
    track record of 100% deliverance rate with the best workable procedures in the Financial Instruments industry. Our providers are very reliable and ready to transact.


    We have an excellent relationship with top rated banks in both Europe and Asia, Stock brokers and financial institutions all over the world. Within a short and transparent transaction period we can provide the SBLC/BG for your Heavy/Light project funding.

    We look forward to your cooperation as we establish a successful business relationship. Anticipating your inquiry

    Email: tekstructuredfinanceltd@gmail. com
    Skype: tekstructuredfinanceltd

    Regards
    David Thomas
    TEK STRUCTURED FINANCE LTD
    BROKERS ARE WELCOME

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +2349066410185 or contact him on his website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me

      Delete
  3. am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +2349066410185 or contact him on his website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me

    ReplyDelete
  4. MY RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN RESTORED
    Hey guys, my name is John Carlos, am from London United Kindom, Life has being very difficult for me Since when my Wife left me and my Kids, She left for no reason. I and my kids had being dwelling in pains for almost two years now, Recently, A Friend of mine Directed me to this great spell caster named Dr Noble, he is a Powerful Spell caster, he helped me and before 48 hours, My Wife that left me came back and started begging for forgivness. What more can i say, Dr Noble showed me How powerful Hes Love spell is. I will drop Hes Email address along with this testimony of mine in case anyone want to contact him, There is His Email: (templeofjoyandprosperity1@gmail.com)
    Whats_App number or Call +2348145643630
    http://ineedmyexbackdrnoble.blogspot.com/2018/08/urgent-love-spell-to-fix-your-broken.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. Take Steve Nash for example, he is not taller or faster than other talented NBA players, yet, he was selected the NBA MVP... The secret is all about decision making skills. https://basketballhooplab.com/

    ReplyDelete