Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Sixers vs. Heat: Game 2 Breakdown. Is it Time to Die?

I want Belinelli to kiss my belly. 

There’s an old saying: You live by the three, you die from cancer. It’s completely untrue. You can also die from AIDS or dysentery or in my case, sad and alone, from some sort of undiagnosed rectum infection, as I complain to my Jamaican nurse about Robert Covington being wildly inconsistent.

I mean, as much as I love guys shooting the ball directly into the backboard, and Marco Belinelli taking off-balance fadeaway 27-footers, you can’t rely on just shooting threes. Just like you can’t survive on only eating meatball hoagies. That being said, I have eaten meatball hoagies for three, mayyyyyyyybe four, of my last five meals and will obviously die from them.

I think it’s clear that the Sixers need some sort of inside presence to get them some easy buckets. If only they had a 7-foot, skilled, athletic, hilarious African man who had a personal vendetta against the Heat’s starting center and an unrelenting desire to play.

Ooookkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyy.

Oh well. Amir Johnson was serviceable.

Of course, it’s not Embiid’s fault that the Sixers lost. They just got outplayed—specifically by a 36-year-old, possibly bloated, legend. We knew D Wade was going to go off at some point, I just didn't expect it to be on a night when tip-off took place literally a half an hour before his bedtime.

The truth is, even though Kelly Olynyk and Justise Winslow are certified bitchmaids, I kinda like how physically the Heat played, and you can't deny that they have some certified goat master generals.




Goran Dragic is a BEAST (who shoots the most adorable little floaters).

Head might've actually exploded three seconds after this photo was taken. 


Ronde DiVincenzo's tooth is hilarious.

AND an Abe Lincoln beard. 

And James Johnson seems like a real one.

He’s even got a ridiculous neck tattoo that says something like MAYMAY.

It obviously doesn't say Maymay. 

Turns out (and I did some research on this, seriously), it actually says "NAYMIN 3.9.13"—in honor of his son who was born prematurely on that date and battled for his life. So that's nice for them.

Plus, when Johnson was on the Grizzlies, they had a neck tattoo giveaway in his honor, which is pretty much the most incredible giveaway in the history of giveaways.

L, O, and then follow that up with another L. 

By the way, further research (aka a Wikipedia search) showed that James Johnson was arrested in 2014 for beating and choking his wife. So fuck that guy.

I always thought a cool gimmick would be to make NBA shooting sleeves—or form-fitting, long-sleeve shirts—with individual player’s tattoos on them. Like you could get an Iverson one that had "HOLD MY OWN" and "ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE" on each arm. We could call them "Sleeversons." Boom, four million dollar idea.

Sadly, the series is now all tied up at one.

I do NOT have four million dollars.

And Hal Greer is dead.

What a lousy time to be alive.

Until Thursday.

35 comments:

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  22. Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend Back! Dr.Unity has helped thousands of women get their Ex husband/boyfriend back using his real effective love Spell Call/Whats-app dr.Unity +2348055361568 for help..
    I'm Natasha Wanderly form USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 ,website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com ,your kindness will never be forgotten.

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  24. EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER AND LOTTERY SPELL 2019 GBOJIESPIRITUALTEMPLE@GMAIL. COM OR WHATSAPP HIM :+2349066410185

    Hi i am from USA I have just experience the wonders of Dr. gbojie love spell, that have been spread on the internet and worldwide, How he marvelously helped people all over the world to restored back their marriage life and get back lost lovers, and also help to win lottery. I contacted him after going through so many testimonies from different people how he help to bring back ex lover back, i told him about my husband that abandoned me about 8 months ago, and left home with all i had.. Dr GBOJIE only told me to smile and have a rest of mind he will handle all in just 24 hours, After the second day my husband called me, i was just so shocked, i pick the call and couldn't believe my ears, he was really begging me to forgive him and making promises on phone.. He came back home and also got me a new car just for him to proof his love for me. i was so happy and called Dr Gbojie and thanked him, he only told me to share the good news all over the world .. Well if you need an effective and real spell caster contact Dr gbojie Via email: gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com, gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com or Call or WhatsApp: +2349066410185
    website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me/

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  25. Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex lover Back! Dr.Unity has helped thousands of women get their Ex lover back" I'm Natasha Wanderly form USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him +2348055361568 , website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com, your kindness will never be forgotten.

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  26. Please visit (http://solutiontemples.com)i am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called DrIkhile helped me to fix my relationship. i was heartbroken when my fiancee told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he work. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ikhile, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiancee came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now happily married and all thanks goes to Dr Ikhile Wonders for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ikhile through his Website:http://solutiontemples.com Email solutiontemple27@gmail.com Call or Whats App +27789518085 you can text me on my number for more infomation about him +1(474)212 2467

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  27. Hello everyone I’m glad to write this testimony to spread this good news to the entire world on how i got my husband back. I was going crazy when my husband left me for another woman last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR. Abulo the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR. Abulo about how my husband left me. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness. I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world on how DR. Abulo help me grant my heart desire. If you need any kind of help contact DR. Abulo at the following email address: dr.abulosolutionhome@gmail.com or call or whatspp+2349012479806 He also cast so many spell like,
    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) you don't need a divorce in your relationship.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women & men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.

    You can also contact me through via jantellz249@gmail.com for more info about Dr abulo ..

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  28. Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex lover Back! Dr.Unity has helped thousands of women get their Ex lover back" I'm Natasha Wanderly form USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him +2348055361568 , website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com, your kindness will never be forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hello everyone my name is Joan from USA, i never ever believed in spell until i meet a man called Dr.Ogudugu, who helped me cast a spell that brought back my ex-lover to me within 48 hours. Dr.Ogudugu spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married me and my ex-lover are now husband and wife. What more can i say rather than to say thank you Dr.Ogudugu for been there for me,contact Dr.Ogudugu today and your life will never ever remain the same. YOU CAN CONTACT Dr.Ogudugu VIA EMAIL: greatogudugu@gmail.com OR CALL HIM ON +27663492930

    NAME: JOAN
    COUNTRY: USA

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