Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Bachelorette: Breaking Down the Micropeens

I do not talk about this man once in this post. Not once. 

A chick I know recently had her heart ripped out, stepped all over and thrown against a refrigerator. In the months since her ex-boyf broke up with her, she has contemplated sui, experimented with essential oils and downloaded various sex apps on her telephone.

She now has three rules when it comes to dating:

1. No cats
2. No Samsung Galaxies
3. No micropenises

Sadly, the producers of The Bachelorette do not have the same set of standards. This season, they chose to cast the biggest bunch of bozos we've ever seen on this show (including one guy who wore a #vest).

So, even though the only thing I hate more than this TV show is this blog, I figured I'd rank these new contestants based on the size of their micro peens. Because if there's one thing in this world I know about, it's other men's dicks.

Let's rank them from macro to micro, starting with:

Fred (legit hammer cock)

Real one.

I don't care how many brothers Josiah had to cut down from trees, nothing can be more traumatizing than growing up with the name Fred. What an amazing, hilarious thing to call a person. Dogs are named Fred. Car mechanics are named Fred. Fred Flintstone is named Fred. I can guarantee that Fred has a huge, huge dick. I know this because he is black.


Literally Every Other Black Guy (totally normal-sized peens for black guys)

Hi guys. 

Three hundred years of persecution. Thousands upon thousands of dope dance moves. And six full seasons of Martin. Yet, all it took was 20 minutes of this show to shatter my lifelong belief that black people are naturally cool.

The guy who kept licking his lips? Nope. Could not handle him. The grown man who calls himself Diggy? Stop it. I liked Larry the wrestler. And the dude who constantly talked shit. But even Josiah -- and yes, very sad, very very sad about Josiah -- but dude, you don't need to tell us your whole life story on day one. Save a little something for next week. Save a little something for when you're about to be sent home. And after all that, after that judge gave you a second chance and saved your life and steered you away from a life of crime... you went and became a lawyer?

My friend Kenny Rosenbaum is a lawyer. There's nothing special about being a lawyer. Lawyers wear shirts, with buttons, and go to work and be boring. I thought Josiah was gonna say that he went on to do something that actually mattered. Like started a nonprofit for the homeless. Or resurrected the civil rights movement. Or played small forward for the Pistons. But no, he's just another stiff who wears slacks. Nice guy though. As is Kenny Rosenbaum. If you're reading this Kenny, hi Kenny.

Rachel's Dog (dog dick)

Nice doggie.

This dog definitely has a dog dick. I can tell because he is a dog.

Also, ABC dedicated three separate segments to a guy named Jamey, but only gave Ruffles 15 seconds of airtime? Unacceptable.


Guy Who Wore a Fireman Outfit (slightly above average sized dork)

I hate writing this blog so so much.

I'm sorry, anyone who has the confidence to wear a double-breasted fireman suit must be packing heat. Because I have never, not once, not ever ever ever, met a cool fireman. I know that people think they exist. I've seen the shirtless calendars. I remember after 9/11 when the NYFD guys were going on Ellen's show and being all brave and stuff. But firemen, EMTs, dudes who are into anime, bloggers: all 100%, USA-grade, certifiable micropeens.


The Colombian Guy (cold, refrigerated, pre-cooked hot dog)

You can almost feel how cold and wet that dog is from the pic, can't you?

I appreciate this guy going on national television and taking his tongue and touching it against a black woman's tongue, but anyone who acts that aggressively must be overcompensating for something. This man is nothing special. Also, when kisses Rachel on the cheek he makes a stupid "mwah" sound and my wife can't stand when people do that and I support her in every way possible so I officially LOATHE him.


Whablammo Guy (Mike and Ike)

What is that right-shoulder lean/dip move?
And why are those Mike and Ike's so blurry?
And why would I possibly care?

Obviously I hated this guy, but I also didn't hate him. But I hated him. But I also didn't. But I did.  Like, I want him to be murdered, but I don't hate him. But I do. My wife had to walk out of the room when he came on screen. I kinda liked him. But I still want him to die the most horrific painful death imaginable.


Blake the Physical Trainer who Claims to Have a Golden Dick (Combo)

I can't.

Somehow, this dude was more embarrassing than the Whablam guy.

Quick side note: You can totally tell when I've had enough of writing this stuff, because it just becomes one-line answer-city. Let it be known, you are now entering one-line-answer city.

Another side note: Update on my boner potion that I'm taking. For those of you who didn't read my last post, my friend Guitar Jr. recently sent me some boner potion that is supposed to be "The Viagra of the Amazon." I am currently on Day 4 of taking the potion (three times a day) and I miiiiiiiiight be starting to feel the effects. Not that I'm walking around all day with a full-fledged jackhammer, but I did wake up this morning harder than Chinese arithmetic. So I've got that goin' for me.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blorg post.

Jonathan the Tickle Monster (Tic Tac)

I've never.

Clearly this guy is on the spectsh, right?

I am not a violent person (mainly because I have zero muscle tone on my body), but if a grown man were to ever have me close my eyes, stick my hands out and then tickle my rib cage, I would slug him in the face with a stapler. This man is certifiable.


Chris Harrison (slimy, shriveled-up mushroom)

Google image search: "Soggy, Wet Mushroom"

At one point in the show on the show on Monday, Chris Harrison referred to After the Final Rose as "AFR."


Guy who told Rachel "I wanna go black and never go back" (inverted turtle head that literally sits inside his own asshole)


Yo. Fuck this guy.





This song, entitled "Coffee," is a certified banger. When I played it for my friend, Hart (and keep in mind, the hook goes "black coffee no sugar no cream black coffee no sugar no cream"), he thought it was actually about coffee. Turns out it's not. Take a listen and see if you can find the deeper meaning. Hint: It's about having sex with a black man. 

See you next week. 

Maybe.

54 comments:

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    ReplyDelete
  12. MY HUSBAND IS BACK AFTER TWO YEARS OF BREAKUP...I AM SO HAPPY
    Hello everyone my name is Rose Carmody from Australia, i came across this man called Dr. Ugo Wonders through a Lady here online and she said he helped her bring back her lost love,i don't believe in this but i come to think about it and use faith and hope to contact this man last 2 weeks,i have lost my husband for 2 years even he is trying to get married to another lady in Sydney, Australia..i quickly rush and email Dr. Ugo Wonders for help and i thought its still a freak because i don't really believe he can bring him back to me because its too long we have contacted each other,we only comment on each other status on facebook and when ever he come online he has never talk anything about coming back to me,now i really believe that there is Magic and Dr. Ugo Wonders is a really God sent and has Magic because all these things is still like a dream to me,Dr.Ugo told me in the first mail that everything will be fine,i called him and he assured me. i had so many doubt but now am happy. i can't believe my love broke up with this lady and he is back to me and he can't even explain how everything goes all he said to me is that he want my love back,i am really happy. I cried so much because it was just like i am born a new and am really happy and my entire family are happy for me but they never know whats the secret behind this...i want you all divorce lady or single mother to please contact this man for help and everything will be fine i really guarantee you..i have told 2 of my friends who are in unhappy relationship and they have seen solution in few days ago...if you want to contact him you can reach him through his email at generalspelltemple@gmail.com or his mobile number on +1 386-336-9876 that is where you can get to him and i assure you it gonna work fine with you and you will be happy
    i am out of words am just happy and i will be happy forever because i can never have any problem having this man. once again you can contact Dr. Ugo Wonders on generalspelltemple@gmail.com or his mobile number on +1 386-336-9876
    Rose is my Name

    ReplyDelete
  13. MY HUSBAND IS BACK AFTER TWO YEARS OF BREAKUP...I AM SO HAPPY
    Hello everyone my name is Rose Carmody from Australia, i came across this man called Dr. Ugo Wonders through a Lady here online and she said he helped her bring back her lost love,i don't believe in this but i come to think about it and use faith and hope to contact this man last 2 weeks,i have lost my husband for 2 years even he is trying to get married to another lady in Sydney, Australia..i quickly rush and email Dr. Ugo Wonders for help and i thought its still a freak because i don't really believe he can bring him back to me because its too long we have contacted each other,we only comment on each other status on facebook and when ever he come online he has never talk anything about coming back to me,now i really believe that there is Magic and Dr. Ugo Wonders is a really God sent and has Magic because all these things is still like a dream to me,Dr.Ugo told me in the first mail that everything will be fine,i called him and he assured me. i had so many doubt but now am happy. i can't believe my love broke up with this lady and he is back to me and he can't even explain how everything goes all he said to me is that he want my love back,i am really happy. I cried so much because it was just like i am born a new and am really happy and my entire family are happy for me but they never know whats the secret behind this...i want you all divorce lady or single mother to please contact this man for help and everything will be fine i really guarantee you..i have told 2 of my friends who are in unhappy relationship and they have seen solution in few days ago...if you want to contact him you can reach him through his email at generalspelltemple@gmail.com or his mobile number on +1 386-336-9876 that is where you can get to him and i assure you it gonna work fine with you and you will be happy
    i am out of words am just happy and i will be happy forever because i can never have any problem having this man. once again you can contact Dr. Ugo Wonders on generalspelltemple@gmail.com or his mobile number on +1 386-336-9876
    Rose is my Name

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Everyone
    I was so devastated when my wife of so many years asked for a Divorce. In the last 7 months, things between us has been stagnant. so then she had her priorities changed and she wants to focus fully on her career only and not on this Marriage. I love my wife to death and I took my vowels very seriously. I asked her to go for marriage counciling and she said No.
    We have 4 kids. We agreed to a 2 month break and try to work things out after that. Some of the problems we face are not having our own place to live and may be debt pile up. I really want things to work. The hurt that I feel is killing me and I’m to the point where I don’t eat and rarely drink anything.one day i was online and there was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called Silvia Soulez ,she testified about how Dr .Goodluck brought back her Ex lover in less than 17 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop Dr .Goodluck e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give Dr .Goodluck a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problems to him. In just the space of 17hours, my wife came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. Dr .Goodluck is really a talented and gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great Dr .Goodluck today, he will be the answer to your problems. Here’s his contact:
    Email him at: goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com ,
    Call him or add him on whats-app: +2348138654465
    Or on His website: http://drgoodluck.simplesite.com/

    He can help with a pranancy spell
    He can help cure HIV
    Help in getting Love back
    Finding your Soul Mate for life
    And so many more...

    ReplyDelete
  15. TESTIMONY ON HOW MY HUSBAND WHO LEFT ME, CAM BACK TO ME.

    My name is NORA CHRISTIAN.i want to give thanks to Dr ISIKOLO for bringing back my ex husband.No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he brake up with me again.I was confuse and do not no what to do again,rather them to get in contact with Dr ISIKOLO. He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr ISIKOLO make him to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good.he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well,in our love life.contact email isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com OR whatsapp +2348133261196

    ReplyDelete
  16. Author: Julian Caden
    Topic: Pregnant at 52 after reunion love spell
    Testimony:
    -My marriage was falling almost dead due to a bit argument, depression, feelingless and numbed attitudes of my Hubby, he preferred being silent so as to hurt me.
    -Although there’re days he has been fine and good to me, we cook, eat and do things together, but we still like stepping on a dozen of eggs, we were not at ease as like before when our marriage was still in an excellent shape. Most times after saying some hurtful words to me like; I cannot bear his children anymore cos of my age. He says sorry and apologize cos he knows that he’s acting passive, numbed and feelingless to me and frustration hits him back again and again.
    -I truly love my Hubby and feels guilty of our misfortune, I have always wanted to trace back my wrongs and make some amendments so we can live as a happy family with our children by our side. I was tired of seeing him hurt inside.
    -He eventually served me with a divorce letter after 18 years of our blessed marriage. His reason was that we could never work things out together again, I couldn’t bear his children, shutting him off to be involved in my life and affairs, he feels numbed when he thinks of those circumstances.
    -I was deeply hurt before consulting Dr. Wakina Love Temple, even though I tried day by day to adjust to the woman of his choice but he didn’t see my efforts.
    -At the end, I was put in a better position with my Hubby by Dr. Wakina love spell via his email dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com. I’m 7 months pregnant already at 52. It’s a magical work of Dr. Wakina that restored our dream.

    ReplyDelete
  17. How i get my ex girlfriend back:I need help in my relationship check on Dr Trust website and contact him now http://utimatespellcaster.com/love.html

    I"m Corey Edward from US Florida..This is my testimony on how my ex girlfriend come back home..i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr. Trust for bringing back my lover who left me. One day as i was browsing searching on the internet for recommend spell caster who will help me to bring my Ex Girlfriend back,Finally i met a writing how so many testimony talking about Dr. Trust who restore relationship back,so i email him and he cast the love spell,luckily within 24 hours my Girlfriend really called me and started apologizing for all she had caused me.and begging me to accept her back and we are living happily and our relationship is now very strong, I am the happiest man on earth today because Dr. Trust has done a wonderful deeds,my Gf now love and respect me. Email him for your relationship help. Or check on him on his website for others testimonies of his client. http://utimatespellcaster.com/love.html

    Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com

    WhatApp or Call him: +2348156885231

    ReplyDelete
  18. URGENT LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BACK FAST.
    I'm so excited. I cant believe it! My ex-boyfriend is back after our break-up, I’m extremely happy that we are living together again.. My boyfriend of 4 years cheated and acted as if it was my fault. We broke up but I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him!. my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my bf.. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try...
    I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a URGENT LOVE-SPELL for me. 11hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again..
    All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact. Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
    you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 , you can also visit his website:https://unitysspelltemple.blogspot.com ,I am Sheila Patrick from San Francisco, California.God bless you Dr Unity.

    ReplyDelete
  19. how i got my ex boyfriend back after a break-up.
    I'm Alvin Lee 21 yr old from UK,
    My boyfriend left me when i was 7months pregnant. A week after he left, I found out he was dating someone who posted a picture of him kissing her in facebook and that she “loves this man”. I am sick to my stomach. I want him back I do not want to be apart much less separated. I love my boyfriend and I want to fight for him. I’m so scared of losing him. i knew my boyfriend and i also know that some thing else was involve on this, when i found out that this Girl use a Black magic spell on my boyfriend just to take him away from me, i was so devastating this as a result also destroyed my heart and soul because i love my boyfriend and i really want to get back with him i have seek for different counselling, nor could work out for me so i started given up on my boyfriend because there was no hope on getting back with him. one faithful night after my work,, I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try.
    I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do, and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend called me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken relationships and brought my boyfriend back to me!"..
    Me and my boyfriend are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464,or view his website:https://unitysspelltemple.blogspot.com.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I AM SO HAPPY DR TRUST, MY HUSBAND IS BACK.

    I completely trusted Dr Trust totally from the time I spoke with him during the period my husband Left me after 11 years of our marriage, He started the spell work on my husband, and gave me so much assurance and guaranteed me that he was going to bring my husband back to my feet in just 48 hours of the spell casting. I was so confident in his work and just as he said in the beginning, my husband is finally back to me again, yes he is back with all his hearts, Love, care, emotions and flowers and things are better now. I would have no hesitation to recommend this powerful spell caster to anybody who is in need of help.. E-mail Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com his website: https://utimatespellcaster.com

    WhatApp or call him +2348156885231

    Do accept my gratitude sir.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is Dr. Wakina’s season, the season he restores joy, peace and prosperity to broken relationships/marriages. He is the one and only spiritual healing doctor that has the power to do unimaginable things with his email:- dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com. With big faith and trust I have on Doctor I got results 7days after some inspirational spell cast that brought my husband back and made him realize his mistake for leaving us because of misunderstanding we usually had because of his affairs with his concubine. He realized after the spell that no woman is prettier than me or any woman that can love, care and satisfy him like I do. He realized he has a beautiful and promising family.
    I was not afraid contacting Dr. Wakina because I know he is one of the genuine spell doctors that can bring back my better half without negative effects. I am exited you read this wonderful testimony from a happy wife and mother. I pray and wish unending joy, peace and prosperity in your relationship/marriage… cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hello I'm Alexandria, I read some testimonies about a love spell caster by Dr.Unity on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within some hours, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t.I contacted Dr.Unity and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 11 hours, Dr.Unity released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again.As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest lady on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up.All thanks goes to GOD and Dr.Unity for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop Dr.Unity mail address and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have any problem and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..
    Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
    you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464,
    or view his website:https://unitysspelltemple.blogspot.com.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I NEED A GENUINE SPELL CASTER TO BRING BACK MY EX BACK: CONTACT DOCTOR THOUGH HIS WEB SITE http://utimatespellcaster.com HE IS THE BEST OF ALL

    It's a privilege to share this miraculous testimony to the world. I'm Elisa Wendy from England. My husband divorced me 4 months back and i have been filled with remorse for i didn't know what to do to amend issues with my husband. I searched for help on the internet on how i could get help in my marriage and i discovered great testifiers about Doctor Trust who has been progressive with his spells. I got in touch with him and behold, Doctor Trust told me that he will prepare a spell for me that will bring back my husband. I was skeptical but i had no other option but to work with him. 2 days after, my husband called me that he's coming back home and from that day till this moment, we have been living peacefully. He is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love. I will highly recommend Doctor Trust to anyone one out there who needs help whatsoever.if you have any problem contact Doctor Trust, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you!!.

    Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com

    View his website for more testimony: http://utimatespellcaster.com

    Call or write him on What-app +2348156885231

    ReplyDelete
  24. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce!
    Am sharing this testimony because am so happy, I thank Dr Unity for the great thing he has done in my life, After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: https://unitysspelltemple.blogspot.com.
    Erica,United States.

    ReplyDelete
  25. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce!
    Am sharing this testimony because am so happy, I thank Dr Unity for the great thing he has done in my life, After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: https://unitysspelltemple.blogspot.com.
    Erica,United States.

    ReplyDelete
  26. My heart was filled with remorse and pain for the past 7 months when my husband ended our marriage and went to his EX lover because i was unable to give him a son. I was so devastated and almost committed suicide. I asked everyone i knew for help but all my efforts were useless not until i was refereed to Doctor Casera by Oliver who i met online that he could be of help to me for he has helped her before. I got in touch with him and i poured out everything i had in mind to him and he promised to make me smile and make me live a better life by getting my husband back with his powers between just 24 hours. I believed in him and to my very eyes, my husband came on his knees pleading for forgiveness to come back and rectify his mistakes and today we are living with so much Joy and happiness. If anyone out there needs help of any-kind, get in touch with the Doctor now for he will help you out.

    E-mail: relationshipsolutionhome@hotmail.com
    Website: http://relationshipsolutionhome.webs.com/
    Call/text: +1 (518) 460-6400

    ReplyDelete

  27. Dr Jack, Here is my testimony from a Heart Warming indebted Client (Shelly Smith from United states)

    I will try to make this short as possible. In July I found out that my husband of almost 17yrs was having an affair and he actually brought this woman to my home. I was devastated to say the least. I met my husband 18yrs ago and he swept me off my feet and we got married 11 months after we met. We had a great marriage (I thought) we have two beautiful boys. In 2015 we moved 800 miles away to a very small town due to his job. I quit my high paying job at a company that I had worked at for 14yrs to move away from my family and job/career to be a stay at home mom. Then here we are 2 and 1/2 years later going through a divorce and no job. I felt schizophrenic going through all of these emotions from acceptance, to denial, to how can this be and back again. I tried all the best effort i could to get him back from this woman whom he was having an affair with, and make him see how much i love to be with him. but he insisted he never wanted to be with me anymore. Its was almost 4 months since he started living with this other woman, then i decided to use Dr. Jack spells for help because i had no other choice and i felt everything was lost to me. I had the most wonderful and happy marriage after using his spell in just 48 hours, and that was how my marital life was fixed back to its right track. If you are one of the people who is in a loveless and unhappy marriage that cannot be salvaged (and you can only determine that by being very honest with yourself), believe me...there IS light at the end of this tunnel. Here is his Email:

    Okakagbespelltemple@yahoo.com or Okakagbespelltemple@gmail.com

    Call him +2348138289852

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hi I'am Janessa resident at 808 NE 19th St Oklahoma City, I am a single mother blessed with 2 daughters. For a while now I have been searching for a genuine loan lender who could help me with a loan as I no longer have a job, all I got were hoodlums who made me trust them and at the end they took my money without giving me any loan, my hope was lost, I got confused and frustrated, it became difficult for my family to feed with a good meal, I never wanted to have anything to do with any loan lending companies on the internet again. Not until I met a Godsent loan lender that changed my life and that of my family Through the help of a fellowship member "a lender with the fear of God in him Mr Mac Bruce, he was the man God sent to elevate my family from suffering. At first I thought it wasn’t going to be possible due to my previous experience until I received my loan worth $135,000.00 USD in less then 24hours. So my advise to anyone out there genuinely in need of a loan is to contact Mac Bruce Loan Company through this official email:- macbruce211@gmail.com and be financial lifted.

    ReplyDelete
  29. My husband and I have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr joy can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr joy is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Email him at;joylovespell@gmail.com


    ReplyDelete


  30. A big thanks to DR.oyinbo, who brought back my ex girlfriend. My name is Harry Jams, from UK. Last year, August 26th 2016, I proposed to my ex girlfriend and she agreed to marry me then we both planned for the wedding. Our wedding was to hold on September 30th. We had a little misunderstanding and she left me for another guy. I almost committed suicide; I never knew there was hope for me, a friend of mine would always advise me to be hopeful and that one day she will come back to me, Some times I will go to her house to beg her to come back to me because she really means a lot to me and I love her so much and she will ask me to leave her alone and I should never come to her house again. I found it really hard to fall in love with another girl, months passes by and I was waiting patiently for her to come back to me but in my heart I was still going through hell, there was a big hole in my heart.One morning I received a call from my friend and he told me to come to his house immediately, I quickly put on my clothes and ran to his house because I felt he was in trouble, when I got to he’s house, I met him on his computer system and I ask him what is the problem was, he said when he was browsing through the internet, he came across some testimonies on how a spell caster brought someone’s ex husband back. I was angry with him because he frightened me and now he’s telling about spell caster. I told him to forget about the matter because I never believed in spell casters, he asked me if I really want my ex girlfriend to come back to me and I said yes so he said I should give it a try because if you really need something that is very important to your life, then you go for it. I agreed to what he said and I took the spell casters email address and I emailed him, few minutes later he replied me and asked what can he do for me so I told him what I wanted and he asked me to do what ever he asked of me which I did. He told me not to worry that my ex girlfriend will come back crawling on her kneels asking for forgiveness as soon as he cast the spell so he cast the spell and the following day my ex girlfriend came back to me, right now I and my girlfriend are happy. This is the reason I decided to put it in writing so that anybody that is hopeless will find the reason to be hopeful. If you are in the same situation, DR.oyinbo is the right spell caster that will solve your problem . You can email him on: prophetpyinbojesus@gmail.com or you can call him at +2348074066640

    ReplyDelete
  31. Genuine Online Spell Cater On Urgent Love Spell To Get Your Ex Back, Fix Your Broken Marriage And Stop Divorce
    I just found out about my husband cheating on me with a co-worker! We’ve been married going on two years. 2kids. lots of amazing momments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much. all i can think about is how nothing stopped him. how he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having my husband? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of this co-worker he has be cheating on with me that he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with
    similar issues. You can contact him for help too. or view his page on.... https://happylovespell2.wordpress.com/
    His whatsapp number: +2348133873774 or his gmail:...happylovespell2@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. My life is back! After 3 years of broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids. I felt like my life was about to end and i almost committed suicide, Thanks to a spell caster called Dr BADASU who helped me, which i met online, Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, and cure sicknesses such as Cancer, Zika virus, Herpes Disease, Sexual Infection E.T.C, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop or approve divorce and so on. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me begging. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than before, He is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try Dr BADASU anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. contact Dr BADASU through this email:badasuspelltemple@gmail.com or via WhatsApp:+233 2386 66703

    ReplyDelete
  33. After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

    ReplyDelete
  34. *I knew I was a bad wife and mother for invariably pushing my husband to the point of hating me or seeing me with the kids. But I never let my bad attitude towards him let me feel like I am the worst woman out there. So, I fought inside of me to change the bad attitude and win back my husband’s heart for over six years but could not until he threatened me with a divorce and a restraining order, not only to keep me away from him, but away from our kids.
    *Because I can’t stand losing them, I threw away my pride and went spiritual on myself with the aid of doctor wakina (dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com), I was brought to light and made to understand that “it is of a great significant to make my husband happy and I must start by making myself happy”.
    *I boldly acknowledge the spiritual power doctor wakina carries that cured me from myself for four days and overturned my husband’s decisions. For over four months I have been having an entertaining moment with myself and family, a lot of things has changed both physical and spiritual. I say thank you Dr. Wakina for saving me from myself and restoring my marriage.
    *Love… Paris Tyne

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hi everyone,
    Real & Powerful Love spell caster to get your Ex lover back fast online.
    I'm so excited.
    My ex-boyfriend is back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again.
    My name is Silvia Soulez
    My boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Goodluck can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 17 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr.Goodluck. If you have any problem contact Dr.Goodluck now and i guarantee you that he will help you.Email him at: goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com
    Call or Whats-app him: +2348138654465
    website:http://drgoodluck.simplesite.com

    ReplyDelete
  36. Its so unfortunate that my husband left me after five years in marriage. thought he finally left the house in the third year of our marriage just because i was unable to conceive. i wonder what happened to Andrea Delacruz my husband that makes him leave the house. he is a God fearing person and very humble. i know that leaving me wasn't ordinary. we dated for seven months and i never notice such character in him before i married him. i cried and wept through my days and night because i really love Andrea Delacruz my husband. in the process of crying and thinking, i recall that his grand mom never support our marriage, she never wanted me to be married to the family. i never give up and i prayed for God to intervene. one a faithful day it was a Thursday morning when my fellow college in my working place noticed my attitude and behaviour seems different from the real me and i never wanted to disclosed my Family issues but i shared with her my feeling and what i have been going through. she told me that something similar to these happened to her Elder sister and she told me that everything will be fine. she later invite me to her house to meet her elder sister then i opened up to her and she refers me to a man called Dr. Sambo and i did just as she said. i called Dr. Sambo immediately and he respond to my call in that moment and the first thing he said was 'WOMAN WOMAN' you have to believe and have faith that your problem will be solved. i asked, what should i do? then he said to me in two days time my husband will be back and i asked, Dr. Sambo is this going to be real? the last thing he said was that i will testify of his work. i did just as instructed and i watch for good forty-eight {48} hours. hmmmm, it was a good night time at 10:05pm within the days that Dr. Sambo told me that my husband Andrea Delacruz will be back, at first i heard the bell rings getting close to my door i heard someone saying HONEY!!!, it sound familiar i opened the door and i saw my husband standing and weeping in front of me. i was not surprised because its all i have been praying for him to come back home. Guess what in six days after i noticed my system and my body temperature is changed and i went to clinic for check up and the doctor told me that there is life in me which means i am pregna i really wants to use this opportunity to thanks Dr. Sambo so much and my lovely collage who directed me to Dr. Sambo if you have any problem or predicament that is worse or exactly like this you have been into, i plead you to contact Dr. Sambo

    Dr. Sambo E-MAIL: divinespellhome@gmail.com

    Dr. Sambo PHONE: +2348145810121

    ( Go through his site for more details)
    Indeed, he is a great and a lovely man, God bless him for uniting my family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. URGENT LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BACK FAST!!
      I’m so excited! Thanks to Dr.Unity for bringing back my Ex-husband and brought great joy to me today! Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online,if you need your Ex lover back fast!and his result is 100% guarantee..
      After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
      you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,
      you can also visit his website: https://unityspelltempe.blogspot.com .

      Delete
  37. Real & Powerful Love spell caster to get your Ex lover back fast online, fix your broken marriage and stop divorce goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com is the best spell Dr to help you restored back your Broken Relationship/Marriage.

    i was shock and heart broken few months back when i found out my husband cheating was on me with with some from his work! We’ve been married going on 4 years. 2kids. lots of amazing moments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much.he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my only friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having taking my husband from me? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of lady he is seeing at work... and he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i good testimony about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together and make him fall 100% in love with me again, at first I was scared but i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband is back to me, apology and begging for forgiveness,my marriage is save and my husband is showing me love more then ever before, happiness is back in my home all thanks to this Genuine man Dr, Goodluck of goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com.... thanks to Daddy, I’m posting this to help people with
    different kinds of problems or similar issues to go to this mighty man and relax your mind for i know for sure you will get the help you seek. You can contact him for help too on him email: goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com you can also call or chat him up on whatsapp through his whatsapp number: +2348138654465 and also his website: website:http://drgoodluck.simplesite.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. URGENT LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BACK FAST!!
    I’m so excited! Thanks to Dr. Azeez for bringing back my Ex-husband and brought great joy to me today! Azeezabdulahi12@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online, if you need your Ex lover back fast! And his result is 100% guarantee….
    After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pain that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. Every day and night I think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Azeez can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 18 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pains he caused me and the kids. Then from that day, our Marriage was now stronger than how it was before, all thanks to Dr Azeez. he is so powerful and I decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Azeez real and powerful spell caster who I will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Azeezabdulahi12@gmail.com
    You can also call him or add him on what’s-app: +2348160153829

    ReplyDelete
  39. After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thank for providing good information for site,Thanks for your sharing.

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  41. Hello I am Mia Jack l ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR PATRICK the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR PATRICK about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR PATRICK at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: drpatrickspellcaster@yahoo.com or drpatrickspellcaster@gmail.com my page https://miajack483.blogspot.com and get your problems solve like me....or add him up whats-app +1 662 493 2087

    ReplyDelete
  42. I really like your site and content so much,thanks for sharing the information keep updating, looking forward for more posts.

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