Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Songs by Black People that are Way Better than Songs by White People: "Why I Love You" by MAJOR

There's a lot goin' on with that collar. 

If you don't know MAJOR, you better ask somebody. Preferably a black person, because I asked around 12 different white people if they had ever heard of him and none of them had. But then I asked the one black chick I work with, Brenda, if she had heard of MAJOR and she was like, "Fuck yeah, Evan!" and then she was like, "How you know him?" and I was like, "C'mon Brenda, I'm a muthafuckin starboy," and then she gave me a pound and called me her "Black Jew" which is BY FAR the greatest nickname anyone has ever given memuch better than "Mr. Mouthbreather" (given to me by my wife) and "Captain Fuck" (also given to me by my wife).

MAJOR's debut single, "Why I Love You," is some real, grown-up type shit. Nothing like that hashtag millennial JuJu on that beat type shit, or that thirty-something Michael Buble sipping on that rooibus tea type shitI'm talking real, sweet, sensual, I'm gonna put a baby inside your vagina and then help you raise that baby and also show up to his soccer games and clarinet recitals and later go to couples therapy with you and work on being more present and communicating better and LISTENING, truly listening, and taking in what you're saying and not just nodding and smiling but really learning how to accept your answers at face value and not think that you have some sort of hidden agenda type shit.

Listen to the song here.

MAJOR (and yes his name is really written in all caps, in fact it's actually spelled with a period at the end too, like this: "MAJOR." but I left the period out of this post because my readers (all six of them) tend to read at a fourth grade level and I can't imagine they'd be able to follow a post with random periods thrown into the middle of sentences) (in fact I'm guessing that most of them are just skimming at this point or have moved onto boingboing.net).

MAJOR's real name is really Major (his mom wanted him to make an IMPACT, and he is). "Why I Love You" was the first single off his debut album, and it went to #12 on Billboard's R&B charts. He's also got another banger, "Keep On", and recently sang at the Soul Train Music Awards and yes the Soul Train Music Awards are still a thing. Patti LaBelle also covered the song at a recent concert of hers and yes Patti LaBelle is still a thing. Major sounds a little like John Legj and a little like Stevie Wonder and absolutely nothing like Patti LaBelle who is very old (and lovely!).

Omg close the drapes it's so goddamn sunny are you serious with that?

If I have one critique of the songand it's not even the song really, it's the videoit's the way it starts: with MAJOR waking up some chick from a deep slumber by pushing her hair out of her face. I once tried to wake up my wife to tell her that we were an hour and a half late for a flight and that I knew she was cheating on me because there was another man sleeping next to her and she spit her mouthguard in my face (even though that she finds it very soothing and comforting to wear). Plus, the all-marble bathroom in this video is wayyyyyyyyyy bigger than any normal person's bathroom, and MAJOR only has 4,061 Twitter followers so I can't imagine he's really living dat marble bathroom lyfe. Still, dope ass song. Bomb ass video. And I highly recommend getting a mouthguard to sleep with if you grind your teeth like my very real and not made-up wife.

All right, you've heard enough from me.

Let's hear from some real black people now, courtesy of the always absolutely fucking incredible YouTube comments sectsh:

Good point, lee yoojin.

Pretty sure Misty Cotton is the first person to throw an "ing" at the end of JK.

Oookkaaaayyyyy, Nesha.

And RIP to Nesha's boyf!



If you're interested in learning about another song by a black person that's way better than any song by a white person, check out my post about Ciara's "Ride" here. Or don't. I don't give a shit. I really, really don't give a shit.