Thursday, June 16, 2016

O.J.: Made in America Part III -- Joe Bell Needs His Own DocumentaryImmediately

"My name is Froggy Frog Voice! You know who I am, god dammit!"

Let me let you in on a little television secret that you might not know because you're not a world-famous local celebrity/television blogger who has appeared on multiple podcasts and radio shows and was once recognized by a fan in a South Philly bar after COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY blowing up the bathroom. 

The next-door neighbor is always the funniest person in the show.

From the earliest days of TV, the next-door neighb has supplied comedic relief for the bigger, more serious and annoying stars. Think about it. On Leave it to Beave, there was Eddie Haskall. On Laverne and Shirls, it was Lenny and Squiggy. Family Ties had Skippy. The Cosby Show had Kenny aka Buddddddddd. And now today there's guys like Leon from Curb (and yes I know that he's not technically a next-door neigb, he lives with Larry, but whatever, he's still a houseguest. Stop being annoying.). So it should come as no surprise that Joe Bell aka Froggy Man McGee aka Captain Froggy Voice aka Kermit the Frog Jr. Jr. continues to steal the show night after night after night. 

Last night, the dude was on the screen for a grand total of mayyyyyyyybe 90 seconds, and it was by far the highlight of the episode. The story he told about AC protecting OJ in high school was straight-up bizarre, not because AC was ready to take a bullet for the Juice, but because that was one of the most fucked up practical jokes I've ever heard in my entire life. 

For those of you who didn't watch last night -- because you were out Tindering, or reading a stupid book about dragons -- I'll break it down for you. And by the way, I do not want to do this. I do not want to have to describe to you what happened in the previous episode because you're too good to pay for cable. This is not some recap website. This is a blog offering social, political and sexual commentary. I can't be wasting my time catching you up to speed because you needed to go to bed because you have a JOB. Whatever, here's what happ'd. 

Basically, when OJ and AC and Frank the Frogman were in high school, some teenage idiot brought a gun to school. Not a big gun. Not like a big, freaking gun that you'd use to, oh, I dunno, slaughter 49 innocent people at an Orlando night club, but a little pistol, the kind you'd shoot off at the start of a relay race. But still, a gun, that could kill someone, with bullets. 

Anyway, with the gun in their possession, Froggie Frog Frog and his buddies decided to play a practical joke on OJ where basically they were gonna walk up to him and pretend that they were going to shoot him. Now, I'm no prude. I have held a gun once, and been in a car with a guy who shot a gun out of his sunroof (which is an unbelievable story by the way, and one that I'll share with you when the person who shot the gun is dead). And I understand practical jokes. I get it. You set up a scene and pretend it's real, get a person allllllllllll riled up to the point where he's bugging out, and then BOOM! Ashton Kutcher jumps out of the bushes and yells "YOU GOT GORPED! YOU GOT GORPED!" And everyone laughs and the guy who got gorped breathes a huge sigh of relief and noogies are exchanged and then you all stand around and have a deep analytical discussion on why Mila Kunis would marry such a complete doorknob. 

But this, this was no practical joke. 

This was a group of idiots pretending to KILL THEIR GOOD FRIEND. 

A practical joke would've been something like giving OJ a can of peanuts and when he went to open them a gun popped out. Or planting the gun in OJ's locker and telling the principal that OJ was planning on murdering his girlfriend. A practical joke would've been pretending the gun was a dick and slowwwwwwwly sliding it into your mouth, feeling the cold steel on your lips, then dragging it in and out, lightly tapping it on the end of your tongue, pulling it away, watching the saliva stretch off the end, then jamming it deep inside, more saliva, now drizzling out of the side of your mouth, your heart rate increasing, unsure of what's coming next, staring down the barrel and now that I think about it I'm not actually sure I know what a practical joke is. But I do know that teenagers are idiots. And that Joe Bell and his friends lived a much more exciting childhood than I did. Even though when I was 13 a woman moved into the house next-door to me and for the first two weeks before she got curtains she used to undress right in front my bedroom window. It was incredible. I hope one day one of my friends murders someone some I can tell that story on camera. 

Anyway, Joe Bell is the best. AC is the man. And Marcia Clark's hair looks FANTASTIC these days, doesn't it?!

You go girl. 

Bout time you figured that shit out. 

God bless. 

12 comments:

  1. Can't believe Larry from Three's Company didn't get a hilarious neighbor shout out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my god you're so right best afro in da bidness

      Delete
    2. One of the easiest decision I have ever made was when I accepted to get married to a man I thought was my soul mate, my lover for 2years. He was the most handsome and honest man I have ever encountered, he was so kind, respectful to me and my entire family. He gave me the reason to spend my entire life with him. I enjoyed 3years of love and sweet romance as his wife before the devil came into our home, his ex-girlfriend worked voodoo on him, she made him show me the bad side of him and also caused our divorce. The most annoying part was when she tried to take my life spiritually and physically, fighting to ensure am thoroughly erased from my husband before she takes over. It was getting tensed till the extent that I couldn't sleep both day and night because she must be there to trouble me.
      To cut the story short, I used the only available options left which was to seek help from outside, i contact 3 different spell casters who fraud me before i came across Dr. Ken of {supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com}. Dr. Ken was the last option because every other sources failed and his love spell worked wonders after 3days which saw the evil lady flee from us with immediate effect, the divorce case was reconciled within days as well.
      Since after the spell, I finally knew how to treat wicked and jealous people and a whole new lot of things from Dr. Ken. Happiness and joy has been in abundance in my family for the past 8months after the love spell. Thanks to Dr. Ken’s love spell that works wonders. Here's his email address: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com His website: supersolutionhome.webs.com also his phone number is +2348074433380.

      Delete
  2. HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
    THANKS TO GREAT DR GOODLUCK FOR SOLVING MY PROBLEMS my name is Mandy Divanna from uK, i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids where so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster DR GOODLUCK testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 24 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr GOODLUCK and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR GOODLUK, i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to DR GOODLUCK and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com

    http://goodluck05spellcaster.yolasite.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for your miracle Doctor Osemu Okpamen

    This article is dedicated to the Doctor Osemu Okpamen. I have been married with my wife for 5 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Doctor called Osemu Okpamen. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures any diseases & sickness. You could contact him via email at { Doctorokpamenspelltemple@yahoo.com } or visit his website http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com or reach him on +1 (914)-517-3229, +2348135254384. He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I’m extremely happy that my broken Marriage has been fixed…
    "We recently made up, even though it was difficult. It's been more than a month now, and everything feels like it’s returned to normal. He has begun to treat me better, and it’s been a healing process for both of us. The nightmare that had lasted for almost 2 years before we broke up is finally over. It’s like we fell in love all over again! We’ve both put the past behind us, and are trying to move forward – and for the first time in a long time, the future looks a lot brighter.
    I can’t express in words how grateful I am Dr Unity! It’s like we’ve finally rediscovered those things about each other that made us fall in love in the first place. All of the worrying and stress has simply vanished. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".
    Me and my husband are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you.Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app: +2348071622464.
    Sarah, 26 years, Memphis, USA.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow i never thought i will happy in my life ever again, i want you all to thank DR OGUDUGU of GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM, he is a father that takes care of his children the spell caster of our time, he has saved me from a very ugly situation that almost made my life miserable and i want you all to thank him for me,my husband and i have be married for so many years now with children and the relationship was being threatened by a small girl in his working place,she was almost destroying my home i met so many spell casters but to no avail until i met a friend who came from africa and she told me about DR OGUDUGU, and i decided to contact him and try him out as i was losing faith in all spell casters, but he told not to worry that now am in his temple everything will be alright he assured me 100% that his spell has no side effects and that it will work straight and save my home and my marriage and after he has performed the sacrifices and casted the spell, my husband came back to us with love and affection and he loved us more and more and he never looked back or none did his love for me waiver, if you are also experiencing this sort of your situation in your home, if your husband is drifting away, if you are experiencing a broken home or you have lost your husband to a young woman outside there then look no further help is here as GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM is ready to help you out okay for any of your problem is it financial needs, revenge spell,Hiv cure, job spell, promotion spell what kind of spell do you need DR OGUDUGU is going to solve it for you okay i have promised him to always talk of his good works to the world in general and to any body who cares to listen, you can email him on his personal email on GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM or his website @ www.greatdrogudugusolutiontemple.webs.com and he will attend to you as soon as possible okay once again his email is GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for your miracle Doctor Osemu Okpamen

    This article is dedicated to the Doctor Osemu Okpamen. I have been married with my wife for 5 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Doctor called Osemu Okpamen. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures impotence, bareness, diseases such as HIV/AID E.T.C You can contact him via email at { Doctorokpamenspelltemple@yahoo.com } or visit his website http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com. He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him or call me for more info +1 (914)-517-3229...

    ReplyDelete
  7. One of the easiest decision I have ever made was when I accepted to get married to a man I thought was my soul mate, my lover for 2years. He was the most handsome and honest man I have ever encountered, he was so kind, respectful to me and my entire family. He gave me the reason to spend my entire life with him. I enjoyed 3years of love and sweet romance as his wife before the devil came into our home, his ex-girlfriend worked voodoo on him, she made him show me the bad side of him and also caused our divorce. The most annoying part was when she tried to take my life spiritually and physically, fighting to ensure am thoroughly erased from my husband before she takes over. It was getting tensed till the extent that I couldn't sleep both day and night because she must be there to trouble me.
    To cut the story short, I used the only available options left which was to seek help from outside, i contact 3 different spell casters who fraud me before i came across Dr. Ken of {supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com}. Dr. Ken was the last option because every other sources failed and his love spell worked wonders after 3days which saw the evil lady flee from us with immediate effect, the divorce case was reconciled within days as well.
    Since after the spell, I finally knew how to treat wicked and jealous people and a whole new lot of things from Dr. Ken. Happiness and joy has been in abundance in my family for the past 8months after the love spell. Thanks to Dr. Ken’s love spell that works wonders. Here's his email address: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com His website: supersolutionhome.webs.com also his phone number is +2348074433380.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stop searching to find information about USA schools and education institutions, have a glimpse to find more useful information about schools!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really like you post,Thanks for your sharing.

    ดูหนังผี

    ReplyDelete