Wednesday, June 15, 2016

O.J.: Made in America Part Deux -- Piece of Shit Power Rankings and my Top 5 Favorite People in this Doc (so far)

This movie was called A KILLING AFFAIR!

OJ Simpson is a piece of shit.

There were a bunch of other takeaways from O.J.: Made in America Part Deux -- like OJ Simpson being a complete piece of shit, and OJ Simpson being a total toilet piece of shit, and the fact that ESPN (a station that at one point in time broadcasted lumberjack competitions) showed footage of a teenage girl getting SHOT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND KILLED -- but the ultimate takeaway from last night was that OJ Simpson is an abusive, womanizing, egomaniacal, insecure piece of shit who murdered his ex-wife and her Jewish boyf in a jealous rage.

If we were to compile an O.J.: Made in America Piece of Shit Power Rankings, the Juice would obviously come in at #1, followed by:

#2 -- that cop who beat up Rodney King and then was all GIDDY AND SHIT after being found not guilty, smiling for the cameras like he was accepting one of those giant checks on behalf of the Big Brothers and Big Sisters organization. What a colossal piece of shit.

#3 -- Mark Fuhrman, ugh, Mark Fuhrman, who still after twenty years has not learned to shut the fuck up. Furhms claimed that the only reason Rodney King got the shit beat out of him was because the LAPD was banned from using choke holds, as if cops were just strolling around South Central putting motherfucking gang-bangers in the Camel Clutch, and then going off on their merry ways.

#4 -- Police Chief Darryl Gates who ABANDONED HIS POST during the Rodney King riots. How is that even possible?!

#5 -- And coming in hot at number five is the guy who threw a brick at Reginald Denny, the truck driver who got, well, basically blasted in the head with a fucking brick.

By the way, that guy who hit another man in the head with a brick, Damien "Football" Williams (what a stupid nickname by the way), was later convicted of mayhem and misdemeanor assault and sentenced to 10 years in prison. In 1997, he was released for GOOD BEHAVIOR, but in 2003, he received a life sentence after he KILLED A HUMAN. 

I was 15 years old when the whole Rodney King shit went down, and of course I was aware of it, I remember the whole "Can't we all just get along?" thing, especially Damon Wayans making fun of it on In Living Color. I remember the fires spreading during the riots and the looting and wondering how people could carry giant 19" televisions with such ease. I remember watching Reginald Denny getting pulled out of his truck and HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING BRICK. But at 15, I wasn't really aware of the gravity of the situation. Or maybe I was. I can't remember, it was 24 years ago, but at 15, I was mostly interested in jacking my dork, playing basketball, jacking my dork some more, rubbing my dork against various mattresses or boxsprings or mailboxes, and then trying to jack it completely off my body. So last night was truly re-eye-opening. I spent a good thirty minutes just staring at my television in awe while Rocky Road ice cream melted in a puddle in front of me. That 911 call with Nicole screaming in terror while OJ beat her in the background was fucking horrible. Whether or not I jacked my dork immediately after the doc is simply RUMOR AND HAPPENSTANCE, but I'm not denying that it didn't happen either.

Look, as much as this blog is about examining the male-female dynamic through the lens of television, it's also about jacking dorks. It's mostly about jacking dorks. And despite the fact that this OJ film is sad and incredible and amazing and horrifying, there are also some unbelievable characters in the film worth taking about.

So let's break down...

The Evster's Top 5 Favorite Humans We've Met in the Doc (so far):

#5 -- The Reverend from A.M.E. church

I apologize for not knowing this dude's name, I googled to try and find it but failed, but this guy is friggin' incredible. He opened the night up by talking about "the last, the lost, the least and the looked over," a phrase that I will absolutely be using in every post I write about the Sixers from here on out. And his reaction to the Rodney King verdict, with a single tear streaming down his face while he told reporters he felt "utter pain" was heart-wrenching. I love that man like a brother. Even more than a brother. I literally can't stand my brother. He gave me so many typewriters as a kid (that's the move where you pin someone down by sitting on their arms and then tap your fingers HARD against their chest over and over). It's pretty much the ultimate move and I can't believe it was not incorporated by Greg The Hammer Valentine.

#4 -- Danny Bakewell's ring

What is that? A seashell?

When they show flashbacks to the 90s of Danny Bakewell, look for the ring! He's been wearing it forever. I wonder what the symbolism is. I wonder where he got it. It's also incredible that he wears cufflinks and one of those metal thingies that goes behind your necktie. I wish I had the confidence to rock shit like that. I have trouble wearing these sharp green Kermit the Frog Puma sneaks I recently bought with navy blue laces. I also have trouble wearing men's underwear. Danny's beard/hair combo is also fantastic.

#3 -- This Video of Roy Firestone

I actually don't like Roy Firestone, I think he's a massive weenie, but you have to watch this video to see what he's up to these days. He's a singer, impressionist AND comedian. It's MIND-BOGGLING.




#2 -- Joe Bell

OJ's frog-voiced childhood friend stole the show again last night, with maybe the best line of the doc, telling OJ, "You are breaking the laws of God!" I could listen to this guy talk about anything. I swear, he could read the phone book and it would be the #1 most downloaded podcast on iTunes. We can make this happen.

#1 -- This Guy

I've never.
Have you ever?

I mean, have you ever in your entire life?

What a world we live in.

----------

Part 3 airs tonight at 9 (or you can watch ALL THE EPS whenever you want on ESPN Watch). You can also listen to a Fresh Air interview with Ezra Edelman and Jeffrey Toobin (he wrote a book about OJ) here. It's friggin' great. 

6 comments:

  1. HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
    THANKS TO GREAT DR GOODLUCK FOR SOLVING MY PROBLEMS my name is Mandy Divanna from uK, i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids where so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster DR GOODLUCK testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 24 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr GOODLUCK and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR GOODLUK, i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to DR GOODLUCK and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com

    http://goodluck05spellcaster.yolasite.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of the easiest decision I have ever made was when I accepted to get married to a man I thought was my soul mate, my lover for 2years. He was the most handsome and honest man I have ever encountered, he was so kind, respectful to me and my entire family. He gave me the reason to spend my entire life with him. I enjoyed 3years of love and sweet romance as his wife before the devil came into our home, his ex-girlfriend worked voodoo on him, she made him show me the bad side of him and also caused our divorce. The most annoying part was when she tried to take my life spiritually and physically, fighting to ensure am thoroughly erased from my husband before she takes over. It was getting tensed till the extent that I couldn't sleep both day and night because she must be there to trouble me.
      To cut the story short, I used the only available options left which was to seek help from outside, i contact 3 different spell casters who fraud me before i came across Dr. Ken of {supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com}. Dr. Ken was the last option because every other sources failed and his love spell worked wonders after 3days which saw the evil lady flee from us with immediate effect, the divorce case was reconciled within days as well.
      Since after the spell, I finally knew how to treat wicked and jealous people and a whole new lot of things from Dr. Ken. Happiness and joy has been in abundance in my family for the past 8months after the love spell. Thanks to Dr. Ken’s love spell that works wonders. Here's his email address: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com His website: supersolutionhome.webs.com also his phone number is +2348074433380.

      Delete
  2. Thank you for your miracle Doctor Osemu Okpamen

    This article is dedicated to the Doctor Osemu Okpamen. I have been married with my wife for 5 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Doctor called Osemu Okpamen. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures any diseases & sickness. You could contact him via email at { Doctorokpamenspelltemple@yahoo.com } or visit his website http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com or reach him on +1 (914)-517-3229, +2348135254384. He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. One of the easiest decision I have ever made was when I accepted to get married to a man I thought was my soul mate, my lover for 2years. He was the most handsome and honest man I have ever encountered, he was so kind, respectful to me and my entire family. He gave me the reason to spend my entire life with him. I enjoyed 3years of love and sweet romance as his wife before the devil came into our home, his ex-girlfriend worked voodoo on him, she made him show me the bad side of him and also caused our divorce. The most annoying part was when she tried to take my life spiritually and physically, fighting to ensure am thoroughly erased from my husband before she takes over. It was getting tensed till the extent that I couldn't sleep both day and night because she must be there to trouble me.
    To cut the story short, I used the only available options left which was to seek help from outside, i contact 3 different spell casters who fraud me before i came across Dr. Ken of {supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com}. Dr. Ken was the last option because every other sources failed and his love spell worked wonders after 3days which saw the evil lady flee from us with immediate effect, the divorce case was reconciled within days as well.
    Since after the spell, I finally knew how to treat wicked and jealous people and a whole new lot of things from Dr. Ken. Happiness and joy has been in abundance in my family for the past 8months after the love spell. Thanks to Dr. Ken’s love spell that works wonders. Here's his email address: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com His website: supersolutionhome.webs.com also his phone number is +2348074433380.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very nice post .Your post is really helpful for us .By your post we can take information about it.

    goldenslot
    gclub

    ReplyDelete
  5. nice article great post comment information thanks for sharing.
    ตารางบอล

    ReplyDelete