|Do you think that's real dirt on her neck? I don't.|
I know, I know, the red hot Fire Lady showed off her San Antonio Saggers -- and we'll get to that, we'll certainly get to that -- but there were a few other things that are worth discussing from last night's season premiere of GAME OF FRONES.
I think I'm going to start capitalizing GAME OF FRONES whenever I write the words GAME OF FRONES. It just seems like the right thing to do. Kind of like when you say the word WOWZERS. Not like you ever say WOWZERS, but if you did (and you don't), you would never just say the word wowzers. You might say WOWZERS BOWZERS. I know I would (and just did). Honestly who gives a shit. Who gives a shit about anything anyone ever does on this stupid planet.
BUT BACK TO GAME OF FRONES.
I read a review this morning in the NEW YORK TIMES (that's another one worth capitalizing) that basically just recapped the episode for anyone who didn't see it. I mean, that's not why people read recaps. It's not like you wake up in the morning and you're like, "I missed GAME OF FRONES last night! Oh well, forget about On Demand, I'll just read the recap." No. You want insight. You want ANALysis. That's why you come to TVMWMWMWWWWW. At least that's why I think you come here. I seriously have no idea why you come here.
YES I DO.
It's for my world famous hard hitting GAME OF FRONES breakdowns. So let's break some stuff down. Ugh, it took four paragraphs to introduce this post. That's way too long. OMG STOP COMPLAINING.
That Jon Snow "TRAITOR" sign was a piece of shit.
|Most obvious font I've ever seen.|
Dude, this show has a multi-million dollar budget. They can do all sorts of ill shit. They've made dragons and castles and chicks with webbed feet. You're telling me they couldn't make a more realistic-looking "Traitor" sign? It's all crooked. And dumb. And looks like one of those "KEEP OUT" signs you might see at the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World. Does that ride even exist? It must. Look at that font. What a stupid font. Fonts are very important. I like Garamond.
Theon and Sansa would've died walking through that freezing cold river AND YOU KNOW IT.
I don't care how many dicks you've had chopped off, there is no way anyone could walk through such freezing cold water without dying immediately. But Theon and Sansa just gave a couple gasps and next thing you know, they're shivering under a tree. Stop it. I stepped in water in my socks during my Passover sedar Friday night and didn't shut up about it all night. I legit took my socks off under the table and tried to warm-squeeze my foot during the Four Questions. It didn't work. Once a sock is soaked, it's soaked. This television show is dumb. So is matzoh. JK I love matzoh. I don't know why I just said that. I'm sorry, matzoh. I am currently apologizing to matzoh.
Yooooooooo, the Pineapple People!
|I couldn't find a good picture of the Pineapple People I wanted to show,|
but here's a picture of these Pineapple People (who are now dead).
They fucking sliced and diced, didn't they?! Jesus Christ. It's like, even though on this show mofos are constantly jamming sticks in people's throats, you're still never prepared for a lady to jam a stick through a guy's throat. And that lady didn't even jam a stick in the guy's throat, she jammed it through his skull. That seems a bit far-fetched. Dragons and midgets and a guy turning into a bird, I can believe in that, but you can't jam a stick through a man's brain. That's just science. Or maybe you can. What do I know? I'm just a world famous local celebrity who was asked to appear on Philadelphia sportstalk radio last night.
|Only three retweets? C'mon.|
Regardless, apparently the Pineapple People are not called the Pineapple People (they're just called people from Dorne) and those three chicks who jam sticks through people's skulls are called Sand Snakes. It's amazing what you can learn from the NEW YORK TIMES.
Anyway, I googled the word Pineapple People and this is what came up:
|That's definitely a pineapple person.|
|I can't stop staring at her foot.|
Sure, the Fire Lady's titties were saggin' and laggin', but the real highlight was seeing her va-jinn jinn jinner.
It's not every day that you see an old lady's va-jinn jinn jinner. In fact, I don't know if I've ever seen an old lady's va-jinn jinn jinner. That was really somethin'. And I was totally cool seeing it, but they really pulled one over on us didn't they? Flashing the word "nudity" up there during the opening HBO title slide thingie and then holding off 'til that final scene. I would say that I was disappointed, and at the time I was, but looking back it was obviously amazing. So thank you, HBO, for pushing the envelope. It's nice to see Liza Minelli working again.
I kinda wanted to see the Dothrakis fuck that chick in her butt.
You know you did too.
Yo for real, I was on WIP Sportstalk Radio last night. This dude Andrew Porter hosts a show on there and follows me on Twitter and liked my 700 Level post about Carson Wentz so he asked me to go on the air to talk about it. I have no idea how the interview went because no one I know listened to it. I did talk about sending dork pics on the internet though. So there's that. You can listen to it here. And you can read my Carson Wentz post here. Or you can check out this frog dog. That's probably the better move. It's a frog dog. When have you ever seen that before?