Thursday, February 20, 2014

Oscar Chat with Feddd & Sara Circs: The Worst/Secretly Best Oscar Fashion Ever!!!

Sorry, Joan Rivvs.

Every Thursday from now until the Oscars, I will be checking in with TVMWW's Hollywood Correspondents, Feddd and Sara Circs, to chat about movies. Their credentials are as follows: Sara has spent her entire life amongst Hollywood's elite: her husband played youth soccer with Jake Gylls and her dad was Anna Nicole Smith's attorney at the Supreme Court! Feddd eats a lot of fish tacos. Onto this week's topic... Oscar fashion!

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me: All right guys, people get really friggin' excited about Oscar fashion. My wife goes absolutely bonks and starts tuning in to the red carpet show like 3 hours before tip-off and yells at me when I don't have the right channel on. It's on like three different channels and I never know which one I'm supposed to be on. So today we're gonna take a look back at some of the shittiest outfits ever and talk about them. Sound good? 

Sara: Yes 

Feddd: Yes 

me: Thanks for sounding so excited, guys. 
God I hate both of you. 
All right, first person ... from 1998 ... I honestly have no idea what year this was from. 




me: Kate Huds! 

Sara: i wanna smack that smug smile off her smarmy face 
i have issues with kate huds 

Feddd: My first instinct was: I am onboard with this 

me: I actually think her smile looks nice 

Feddd: Me too but I am on Circs' side always 

Sara: no, the dress is ridiculous though her ass looks great 

me: Wait, before we talk about this, can we just acknowledge that the dude behind her is quite possibly the oldest person to ever exist
Also, you can't even see her ass, Circs!

Sara: you kind of can, her shape looks great 

me: I mean, you can see a little of it 

Feddd: I just spent a full actual minute trying to see her ass 

Sara: and her smile is actually fine, but i just don't like her 

me: I honestly think she looks fantastic 
like, the more you stare at her, the more she grows on you 

Sara: saw her on an episode of Rachel Zoe and just really cannot stand her 

Feddd: Who in the fuck is Rachel Zoe? 

me: I've got my little chat screen next to the image and at this point I'm smitten 
Rachel Zoe is a golfer, feddd 

Sara: You've never seen The Rachel Zoe Project? 

me: a professional golfer 
She takes people, like celebrities, and helps them with their golf swings 

Sara: She's a stylist to the stars, Feddd

Feddd: Why would you tell the golfer lie? What is in it for you? 

me: Like Ray Romano, and Charles Barks

Sara: I think it was on Bravo 

me: Let's move onto to the next person 

Sara: I can tell you what's in it for me: an opportunity to ignore Evan 

Feddd: Fine but I'm leaving this pic up 
Just downloaded software that lets you rotate pics so I can see that butt

me: A little before and after actsh ... 

Anna Paqs! 


Sara: awwww!!! 

Feddd: LOL 

me: what is awwwww? 

Sara: she used to look like a little European person 

me: what is possibly awwwwww? 

Sara: it's cute! she was a little girl! 

me: omg, i get it, i get that she was a little girl, but she looks weird as a muhgggggg 
that is not like macauley culks cute or drew barrymore cute
also that oscar is HUGE 

Feddd: This column was billed as "Some of the shittiest outfits" ever and you chose a little goddamn fresh-faced girl 

Sara: i think paqs is just tiny there 
i know, seriously what's wrong with you 

me: C'MON, THAT HAT IS STUPES

Sara: like, it's a kind of weird outfit, but she's a little girl, she can do weird stuff 

Feddd: The hat is horrible 

me: thank you feddd! 

Feddd: jk I like it 

Sara: HAHAHA 

me: oh you're just showing off for your internet friends!

Sara: i actually think the hat is cute 

me: no one could like that hat 
omg! 
NEXT PICTURE 

Feddd: How does it feel to be busted that hard? 

me: this is a classic 
and it's actually a very nice outfit 

Sara: let's just come to terms with the fact that anna paqs was a terrible choice 

me: but it must be discussed 
circs, please stop interrupting my intro

Sara: please write it faster

Feddd: The next pic: Eleanor Roosevelt's funeral gown 

me: lolzlzlzlzlzlzzz 

Angie Jangie!


Sara: oh 

me: HAS TO BE DISCUSSED 
can't have an oscar fashion chat on a blog that's supposed to be about television my wife watches without it 

Feddd: She looks fantastic 

me: so milky 

Sara: she does

me: that look she's giving! Circs, you were a maths major, what kinda angle is her arm at there?

Sara: are you really asking me this? 

me: acute? 
i'd say that's like a 37-degree'er 
how many degrees do ya think

Feddd: It's a very cute! lol 

Sara: no, it's like 80 degrees 

me: take a guess 

Sara: eighty five 

me: 85?!??! what?!
oh, wait
right you're right
yeah, that's not even close to 37 
who cares 

Sara: what a surprise 

me: how bout those dickheads behind her 
AND STOP BEING SO RUDE, CIRCS 
YOU TOO FEDDD 
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE 

Sara: they are making so much fun of her 

Feddd: I closed the pic already b/c I'm at work and I'm embarrassed 

me: ugh
next picture 

Feddd: It was so milky

me: one of my personal faves coming up 
a blast from the past 

Feddd: I just googled "37 degree angle” 

me: boom baby!



me: I think we've got an obtuse'r here, Circs!
maybe 105?

Feddd: That one did not open on the work computer 

Sara: weird choice for oscars but at least it's bold 

Feddd: What kind of deep internet bullshit was that? 

Sara: i'm sorry but can't we do this one: 


me: Saggy Tits Mcgee!
how bout Henry Headset behind her 

Feddd: I am surrounded by coworkers I can't be looking at saggy tits 
Oh God I wanna look 

Sara: it's just gwyneth paltrow 
she's not topless 

me: WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT WORK ENVIRONMENT DO YOU WORK IN FEDDD
it's not JUST gwyneth paltrow
it's gwyneth paltrow with saggy ass tits in front on a dude wearing a headset

Sara: alright, your whole immediate focus on people behind people wearing headsets was cute at first, NOW IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS 

Feddd: Do you know that Ev was once called into his employer's office because he had filled up SIGNIFICANT server space with porn? 
Not his current employer 

Sara: no 

me: that's actually true 

Sara: is that true? 

me: here's what happened 

Feddd: It is true 

Sara: LOLOLOLOLLLLLLLL 

me: i didn't know how computers really worked 

Sara: HAHAHAHAHHAHAA 
"i didn't know how computers really worked" is how that story absolutely HAS to start 

me: and i SWORE that my boss had said once before that if you have porn on your computer, just save it to a folder or something 
lolz 
this is so stupid 
but he must've said trash it 
i dunno 
so i had all this porn saved in one folder 

Sara: and why would you make sure you had it right? it's just porn 

me: and was taking up like all of the company's RAM 

Sara: this is so fucking amazing 

me: it was a very ridiculous work environment and my boss laughed when he brought me in and it was no big deal 
but i seriously clogged the network for a little while 

Sara: when was this, were you using AOL 

Feddd: What was the folder called? Do you remember? 

me: I think i had 'em saved in my work email. I dunno.
Anyway, i've got two more pics 

Sara: okay do it 
amazing story 

me: this is the longest chat ever


me: i wanna do coke off her stomach so bad 

Sara: i feel like cher knew she was going out on a limb 
i feel like cher decided "this year, i'm going to do something different" 
"really show 'em" 

me: she was way into diffrent strokes 

Sara: wow. wow. 

Feddd: She honestly looks incredible 

me: i totally agree 
LAST PICTURE 
i actually love both cher's outfit and this next one 
I mean, it's a classic 
 **goes down in basement, develops film*** 


Sara: bjorkie! 
something really adorable about bjork 

me: Feddd completely MIA for this last portion of the chat 

Sara: see, the thing is 

Feddd: Sorry, I opened that Cher pic as my boss asked me a question and fainted 

Sara: these outfits are INTENTIONALLY ridiculous 
hahahhahahaha 

me: I love the dress 

Feddd: I was looking at Cher's flat toned stomach and hearing my boss's voice 

Sara: like, what can i say about bjork's swan outfit? 

me: i mean, why not be ridiculous 
the oscars are stupes 

Sara: i know, i'm not complaining about that i'm saying what is there to say about it? 

me: i could say a lot about it 

Sara: like, it'd be easier to talk about an attempt to be fashionable that failed 
or didn't fail

me: if you guys weren't here, i could fill this entire blogpost with stuff about it 

Sara: WELL DON'T LET US GET IN YOUR WAY 

me: honestly i think that lady in the way back has half an arm 

Feddd: I honestly have not been able to collect my thoughts since that Cher pic 

Sara: i actually know what i can talk about here 
what's happening with her legs 
why are they lumpy? 

me: stop it circs! 

Sara: WHY? 

me: criticize the outfit, not the lady! 

Sara: no no i'm not 
i'm saying it's the stockings 

me: you don't see me complaining about one armed willy back there

Sara: like, they're loose, falling, lumpy 
it's not hard to find stockings that fit 

me: ain't that the truth! 

Feddd: "Don't criticize the person! Now here is a pic of a sweet young child -- what an idiot!" 

Sara: YEAH

me: okay guys, we gotta wrap this up 
any final thoughts?  

Feddd: no 

me: great! 

Sara: yeah
i was not criticizing anyone's body, i want to be clear, and i love everyone except kate huds! 

me: i love kate huds!


deuces!

Read previous installments of this stellar series below:

- Best Foreign Films
- Best Jared Leto
- Best Non-Mark Ruffaloian Actor
- Best Actressssssss
- Celebrity Sightings: Method Man
- Celebrity Sightings: Bil Coz

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