|Honestly an amazing movie and an amazing actor.|
Every Thursday from now until the Oscars, I will be checking in with TVMWW's Hollywood Correspondents, Feddd and Sara Circs, to chat about movies. Their credentials are as follows: Feddd translates close-captioning on DVDs for a major movie production company. Sara Circs went to high school with Jason Segal. Onto this week's topic... the year's Best Foreign Language films!
me: Hi guys, I'm guessing you didn't see any of the Foreign Language films nominated for an Osc this year?
Feddd: Obviously no
Sara: Made a point of seeing each one six saturday evenings in a row, slept through every single one.
me: That honestly sounds like six fantastic Saturdays.
Sara: I don't even know how many films are nominated. Are there six?
me: There are six, yes.
Sara: Total guess, I just owned the universe, peace out guys.
Feddd: Bye Circs
me: Okay, so let's take a look at them one by one and determine whether or not they suck as much as we’d think they suck.
Feddd: I think they're all great
me: Movie #1 from Belgium
The Land of a Thousands Belgs
That's not the name of the movie
Feddd: Ah, by Ponce De Leon
me: Hold on, lemme get the link to the movie poster
Feddd: Prob could've had that cued up, you are home on a snow day sucking your own balls
Sara: One of my French teachers had a joke about people from Belgium
me: oh god
French teachers are known for their fantastic senses of humours.
let's hear it
Sara: Why do Belgians have windshield wipers on the inside of their windshields?
me: Because they suck their own balls
(Evster's note: Like a full minute went by here without anyone typing.)
Sara: I guess you're all waiting for me to give you the punchline
Feddd: YES PLEASE
Sara: Because they drive like this (mime holding steering wheel, blowing constant raspberries)
it works better in person?
Feddd: A VISUAL AND AUDIO JOKE???
Sara: This is what constitutes humor in France
me: in a gchat setting
Feddd: OF ALL THE JOKES
me: Behold, The Broken Circle Breakdown
Sara: K, so this movie is obvs incredible for a thousand reasons
Feddd: Fuck, this movie looks hot as fuck
me: I KNOW
Feddd: A film by Felix Von Grogenstein
Sara: 1. Felix van Groeningen
gotta be the bearded guy, right?
me: Felix prolly fucks so many chicks
Feddd: HAS TO BE
That dude is so into that kiss
Sara: "a great way to fuck hot chicks is to make movies where they have to fuck you in it"
Feddd: I honestly want to lay across the hood of a truck so bad
Sara: but i digress
yeah 2. laying across hood of car
me: you can tell that's a fake beard though
Feddd: no way dude
Sara: 3. chick has an amazing hairstyle and so many tats
me: omg Circs that's not even a real chick
Sara: 4. they love america (bathing suit pattern)
me: So are we all in agreeance that this movie should win?
me: K, next movie.
Sara: Five. THE NAME OF THE MOVIE HAS CIRCLE IN IT
okay moving on
Feddd: Very good points
me: The Great Beauty (from Italy) aka La Granda Belleza
Feddd: I heard this movie is amazing
Sara: omg i haaaaaated this one
Feddd: You saw it??
Sara: guy's shoes are incredible though
me: Another person laying across something
that dude is huge btw
and STONE FACED
Sara: can we move on to the next movie
me: ROCK HARD NIPS THO
Feddd: WHY DO YOU HATE IT?
me: you know what, Circs. CALM DOWN
Dude's got an amazing yellow coat
Sara: "Moves to the insistent beat of life?" Sounds so annoying.
me: DON'T READ THE SYNOPS
JUDGE IT BY ITS POSTER
OMG THIS IS AMERICA
Sara: THAT IS ON THE POSTER
so many italians
like, we can't all speak italian, please shut up
me: First of all, when you're in an art museum, how amazing is it to find an empty bench?
THIS GUY FOUND ONE
AND NOW HE’S SITTING DOWN
LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM
Sara: Great point
me: also those STONE COLD ROCK HARD NIPS
This one is still in the running for me
Sara: okay, so it seems like we all agree this movie should win?
Feddd: omg we have 4 movies left
Sara: yeah let's do the next one
me: From Denmark
the home of Feddd's butt
Sara: OMG WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG
Feddd: FUCKING LOAD IT UP
me: The Hunt aka Jagten
Feddd: I have also heard this movie is amazing
Sara: you know what feds? enough of this.
me: Mads Mikkelson
Sara: just enough.
Feddd: Fucking Mad Dog Mikkelsen creepin people out since '84
me: Honestly Mad Dog has an amazing jaw line
Sara: you talk to a lot of people who see foreign films? fine. why don't you just make one. go make a fucking foreign film and leave us alone.
me: Geez Louize, Circs
so angry today
Sara: Mads is a cool name though
yeah i'm sorry
me: TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, CIRCIES
Feddd: LOOK this one is on Netflix and there are like 3 movies on Netflix that don't succckkkk
Sara: Okay sorry.
me: NEXT MOVIE
Sara: I like "The Lie Is Spreading," that intrigues me
me: Just so you know, the next one is from CAMBODIA
me: The Missing Picture
Feddd: Cool, are you scanning the poster into your computer now
Sara: Love this one
me: I honestly thought people from Cambodia were black
Sara: Love 'mation
No you did not
me: Is this movie actually in 'mation
Feddd: I'm a BIT of a 'mation head myself
me: I have no idea where Cambodia is
Sara: No idea
me: THA KILLING FIELDS CAN SUCK MY BUTT
Sara: No idea if it's 'mation or what but I like it
Feddd: This one is very charming but obviously does not compare to a tatted-up chick laying across a truck
Sara: Disagree, this one is my winner
I think it's the sequel to that Fiona Apple Chipotle commercial
me: The guy who made it, Rithy Pahn, also made another movie you may or may not have heard of ...
Sara: LOL, you totally got me with that one
Feddd: Is Bill Cosby the most famous Cambodian actor y or n?
Sara: honestly did not see it coming
Feddd: I saw it coming a mile away, baby!
Sara: I did not
me: FUCK YOU FEDDD
Sara: seriously F you
Feddd: I still laughed
you guys can SUCK YOUR OWN BALLS TO DEATH
me: This is our last movie, I lied, there are actually only 5 movies
Sara: Ugh, killing myself now for being wrong, but celebrating for only having one left
me: But I was gonna sneak in this one as a joke
me: I did not make that pic for the record
Last one is from that lovely nation of Palestine
So you know it's gotta be a rom com
Sara: They have time to make movies?
Feddd: **ev orders movie poster from Amazon Prime**
me: rude, Feddd
Omar, un film de Hany Abu-Assad
Sara: ugh great, a guy jumps over a fence, rips his jeans
me: How good does the Great Buttsby look tho
Feddd: "They said Omar couldn't fuck a fence"
I've seen this story a million times before
boy meets fence
fill in the rest
ugh i hate myself right now
me: Okay guys, who should win?
1. Chick on car
Feddd: My list: 1. Chick on car
Sara: Clay always wins
me: 2. Stone Guy and Other Guy
Sara: So classy
i was listing them
oh, who cares
I say the chick on the car obviously
Sara: yeah we just went through them
Feddd: Should we check out the posters again?
Sara: Cambodian Chipotle Clay
Evan can you send us framed copies snail mail
OH MY GOD
STOP TYPING AND JUST SAY SOMETHING
me: Can you imagine how much it would cost to send 6 framed movie posters to California?
To two different people?
First, just getting the posters framed
Feddd: So 12 framed posters
me: That's like a hundo each
Sara: I mean if you ordered through amazon prime
Feddd: Yo, framing is so expensive
me: THANK YOU
Sara: jesus christ, get me outta here
me: SEE YA GUYS
Sara: love you
Feddd: Bye guys
Sara has left.
Feddd: I feel like I should’ve said I love you back.
The Oscars are in two weeks! No idea why I put an exclamation point there, it's honestly not that exciting. This ostrich who looks exactly like my Aunt Lily though? Very exciting.