Thursday, February 13, 2014

Oscar Chat with Feddd and Sara Circs: Best Foreign Language Film

Honestly an amazing movie and an amazing actor. 

Every Thursday from now until the Oscars, I will be checking in with TVMWW's Hollywood Correspondents, Feddd and Sara Circs, to chat about movies. Their credentials are as follows: Feddd translates close-captioning on DVDs for a major movie production company. Sara Circs went to high school with Jason Segal. Onto this week's topic... the year's Best Foreign Language films!

-------------------

me: Hi guys, I'm guessing you didn't see any of the Foreign Language films nominated for an Osc this year? 

Feddd: Obviously no 

Sara: Made a point of seeing each one six saturday evenings in a row, slept through every single one. 

me: That honestly sounds like six fantastic Saturdays. 


Sara: I don't even know how many films are nominated. Are there six? 

me: There are six, yes. 

Sara: Total guess, I just owned the universe, peace out guys. 

Feddd: Bye Circs 

me: Okay, so let's take a look at them one by one and determine whether or not they suck as much as we’d think they suck. 

Sara: Cool 

Feddd: I think they're all great 

me: Movie #1 from Belgium 

The Land of a Thousands Belgs 

That's not the name of the movie 

Feddd: Ah, by Ponce De Leon 

me: Hold on, lemme get the link to the movie poster 

Feddd: Prob could've had that cued up, you are home on a snow day sucking your own balls 

Sara: One of my French teachers had a joke about people from Belgium 

me: oh god

French teachers are known for their fantastic senses of humours. 

let's hear it 

Sara: Why do Belgians have windshield wipers on the inside of their windshields? 

me: Because they suck their own balls 

(Evster's note: Like a full minute went by here without anyone typing.)

Sara: I guess you're all waiting for me to give you the punchline 

Feddd: YES PLEASE 

Sara: Because they drive like this (mime holding steering wheel, blowing constant raspberries) 

it works better in person? 

Feddd: A VISUAL AND AUDIO JOKE???

Sara: This is what constitutes humor in France 

Yes 

Yes 

me: in a gchat setting 

Sara: LOLLLLLLLL 

Feddd: OF ALL THE JOKES 

me: Behold, The Broken Circle Breakdown 



Sara: K, so this movie is obvs incredible for a thousand reasons 

Feddd: Fuck, this movie looks hot as fuck 

me: I KNOW 

Feddd: A film by Felix Von Grogenstein 

Sara: 1. Felix van Groeningen 

gotta be the bearded guy, right? 

me: Felix prolly fucks so many chicks 

Feddd: HAS TO BE 

That dude is so into that kiss 

Sara: "a great way to fuck hot chicks is to make movies where they have to fuck you in it" 

Feddd: I honestly want to lay across the hood of a truck so bad 

Sara: but i digress 

yeah 2. laying across hood of car 

me: you can tell that's a fake beard though 

Feddd: no way dude 

Sara: 3. chick has an amazing hairstyle and so many tats 

me: omg Circs that's not even a real chick 

Sara: 4. they love america (bathing suit pattern) 

me: So are we all in agreeance that this movie should win? 

Sara: yes 

Feddd: Yeah 

me: K, next movie. 

Sara: Five. THE NAME OF THE MOVIE HAS CIRCLE IN IT 

okay moving on 

Feddd: Very good points 

me: The Great Beauty (from Italy) aka La Granda Belleza 



Feddd: I heard this movie is amazing 

Sara: omg i haaaaaated this one 

Feddd: You saw it?? 

Sara: guy's shoes are incredible though 

no 

me: Another person laying across something 

that dude is huge btw 

and STONE FACED 

sorry 

Sara: can we move on to the next movie 

me: ROCK HARD NIPS THO 

Feddd: WHY DO YOU HATE IT? 

me: you know what, Circs. CALM DOWN 

Dude's got an amazing yellow coat 

Sara: "Moves to the insistent beat of life?" Sounds so annoying. 

me: DON'T READ THE SYNOPS 

JUDGE IT BY ITS POSTER 

OMG THIS IS AMERICA 

Sara: THAT IS ON THE POSTER 

so many italians 

so pretentious 

like, we can't all speak italian, please shut up 

me: First of all, when you're in an art museum, how amazing is it to find an empty bench? 

THIS GUY FOUND ONE 

AND NOW HE’S SITTING DOWN 

LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM 

Sara: Great point 

me: also those STONE COLD ROCK HARD NIPS 

This one is still in the running for me 

next movie 

Sara: okay, so it seems like we all agree this movie should win? 

Feddd: omg we have 4 movies left 

Sara: yeah let's do the next one 

me: From Denmark 

the home of Feddd's butt 

Sara: OMG WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG 

Feddd: FUCKING LOAD IT UP 

me: The Hunt aka Jagten



Feddd: I have also heard this movie is amazing 

Sara: you know what feds? enough of this. 

me: Mads Mikkelson 

Sara: just enough. 

Feddd: Fucking Mad Dog Mikkelsen creepin people out since '84 

me: Honestly Mad Dog has an amazing jaw line 

Sara: you talk to a lot of people who see foreign films? fine. why don't you just make one. go make a fucking foreign film and leave us alone. 

me: Geez Louize, Circs

so angry today 

Sara: Mads is a cool name though 

yeah i'm sorry 

me: TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, CIRCIES 

DEEP BREATHS 

Feddd: LOOK this one is on Netflix and there are like 3 movies on Netflix that don't succckkkk 

Sara: Okay sorry. 

me: NEXT MOVIE 

Sara: I like "The Lie Is Spreading," that intrigues me 

me: Just so you know, the next one is from CAMBODIA 

Sara: sweet 

me: The Missing Picture 

Sara: Hey Feddd, I'm sorry i yelled at you, I was jealous. 

Feddd: Cool, are you scanning the poster into your computer now 

Sara: LOL 


 

Sara: Love this one 

Love it 

Love clay 

me: I honestly thought people from Cambodia were black 

Sara: Love 'mation 

No you did not 

me: Is this movie actually in 'mation 

Feddd: I'm a BIT of a 'mation head myself 

me: I have no idea where Cambodia is 

Sara: No idea 

me: THA KILLING FIELDS CAN SUCK MY BUTT 

Sara: No idea if it's 'mation or what but I like it 

Feddd: This one is very charming but obviously does not compare to a tatted-up chick laying across a truck 

Sara: Disagree, this one is my winner 

I think it's the sequel to that Fiona Apple Chipotle commercial 

me: The guy who made it, Rithy Pahn, also made another movie you may or may not have heard of ...



Sara: LOL, you totally got me with that one 

Feddd: Is Bill Cosby the most famous Cambodian actor y or n? 

Sara: honestly did not see it coming 

Feddd: I saw it coming a mile away, baby! 

Sara: I did not 

me: FUCK YOU FEDDD 

NEXT MOVIE 

Sara: seriously F you 

Feddd: I still laughed 

you guys can SUCK YOUR OWN BALLS TO DEATH 

me: This is our last movie, I lied, there are actually only 5 movies 

Sara: Ugh, killing myself now for being wrong, but celebrating for only having one left 

me: But I was gonna sneak in this one as a joke 




me: I did not make that pic for the record

Last one is from that lovely nation of Palestine 

So you know it's gotta be a rom com 

Sara: They have time to make movies? 

Feddd: **ev orders movie poster from Amazon Prime** 

Sara: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 

me: rude, Feddd 

Omar, un film de Hany Abu-Assad 



Sara: ugh great, a guy jumps over a fence, rips his jeans 

me: How good does the Great Buttsby look tho 

Feddd: "They said Omar couldn't fuck a fence" 

Sara: HA 

I've seen this story a million times before 

boy meets fence 

fill in the rest 

ugh i hate myself right now 

Feddd: lollllllz 

me: Okay guys, who should win? 

1. Chick on car 

Sara: CAMBODIA

Feddd: My list: 1. Chick on car 

Sara: Clay always wins 

me: 2. Stone Guy and Other Guy 

Sara: So classy 

me: wait 

i was listing them 

shut up 

recapping 

oh, who cares 

I say the chick on the car obviously 

Sara: yeah we just went through them 

Feddd: Should we check out the posters again? 

Sara: Cambodian Chipotle Clay 

Evan can you send us framed copies snail mail 

OH MY GOD 

STOP TYPING AND JUST SAY SOMETHING 

me: Can you imagine how much it would cost to send 6 framed movie posters to California? 

To two different people? 

First, just getting the posters framed 

Feddd: So 12 framed posters 

me: That's like a hundo each 

Sara: I mean if you ordered through amazon prime 

Feddd: Yo, framing is so expensive 

me: THANK YOU 

Sara: jesus christ, get me outta here 

me: SEE YA GUYS 

Sara: love you 

Feddd: Bye guys 

Sara: bye 
Sara has left. 

Feddd: I feel like I should’ve said I love you back.









The Oscars are in two weeks! No idea why I put an exclamation point there, it's honestly not that exciting. This ostrich who looks exactly like my Aunt Lily though? Very exciting. 

5 comments:

  1. Is it racist that I assumed the cast of the Cambodia movie was made up entirely of midgets before I clicked the thumbnail

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. YOU ARE SO RIGHT AND SO MUCH SMARTER THAN ALL THE IDIOTS WHO DIDN'T READ THIS POST

      Delete
  3. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.

    ReplyDelete