Thursday, February 6, 2014

Oscar Chat with Feddd and Sara Circs: Jared Leto Edition

real person

Every Thursday from now until the Oscars, I will be checking in with TVMWW's Hollywood Correspondents, Feddd and Sara Circs, to chat about movies. Their credentials are as follows: Sara was born and raised in LA and has a host of connections in the movie biz. Feddd once jacked his d in the Pacific Oashe. Onto this week's topic... Jared Leto!

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me:   So I don't know if y'all know this, but Jared Leto won the award for Best Supporting Actor at the Golden Globes, and now he's nominated for an Oscar. Frankly, I don't know anything about the dude other than he's a bozo. I didn't see Dallas Buyers, and he might've done a really great job in it, but I cannot handle him. Do you guys have any feelings toward him? Did you see Dallas Buyers? No you didn't. Of course you didn't. Who wants to say something? His hair is unacceptable. 

Sara:   Guys. I have a surprise for you. 

Feddd:   omg what? 

Sara:   You didn't know this going in, but this is gonna be a COMBO POST because Jared Leto went to my physical therapy gym! 

Feddd:   WHOA 

me:   A COMBO POST 


Sara:   IN 2010 WHAAAAAAAAAAT 

me:   COMBO COMBO COMBO!  

Feddd:   WHAT IS A "PHYSICAL THERAPY GYM" 

Sara:   I saw him there AT LEAST ONCE 

me:   He was working on his calves 

Feddd:   Oh, I heard he broke his tits 

Sara:   When I had to undergo physical therapy (for nbd but i got hit by a car when i was five months pregnant and broke my ankle NBD NBD) 

Feddd:   WHOA 

me:   OMG IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU CIRCS 

Sara:   So I was there, all pregs and broken I'M SORRY BUT IT'S TRUE 

YOU WANT REALITY 

YOU WANT RAWNESS 

THIS IS REALITY 

me:   NO ONE WANTS REALITY 

I'M NOT EVEN MARRIED 

Sara:   and he was there doing that thing where you pull down the weight and you work on your lats or some shit 

me:   Did you talk to him? 

of course not. Why would I even ask? 

Sara:   his hair was very tall 

he seemed like a dick and a half 

Feddd:   GUYS Guess what 

Sara:   what? 

me:   Here comes a joke 

joke joke joke 

Mr. Funnyman 

Feddd:   I didn't tell you this going in...

but I once saw Jared Leto at the farmers market 

SUCK MY D EVSTER U DANISH FUCK 

me:   He was buying new tits 

Sara:   omgmgmgmgmmgmgmgmgmmgmg 

me:   GUYS, HE SEEMS LIKE A BOZO 

Feddd:   HE WAS WEARING A BIG FURRY RUSSIAN SOLDIER HAT 

and a trench coat 

and it was fucking hot out 

Grade A Bozo 

Sara:   yeah total boze city


Sooooo excited for the Sochi Olympics!

me:  Guys, let's backtrack

this chick I knew in high school (who I tried to finger in my car ... unsuccessfully) LOVED HIM and that stupid show he was on. Circs, were you into that shit in high school? Feddd was into jackin his d 

Sara:   yes i loved that show 

me:   ugh 

Sara:   and he was truly, truly beautiful 

Jesse:   NO! My so-called life 

But my sister loved it! 

Sara:   every girl thought she was Angela Chase 

me:   ANGELA CHASE BLOWS DUDES 

Sara:   and every girl had her Jared Leto (MINE WAS JAKE GYLLS) 

me:   Mine was Fedddd 

I don't know how this guy made a career for himself after only being on like 4 episodes of that show 

Sara:   what are you talking about, he had to have been in every ep almost 

Feddd:   He was a series regular 

me:   I mean the show only lasted like 4 eps! 

I dunno 

Sara:    the show lasted a seez 

me:   What was the appeal, Circs? 

Sara:   Well, he's very pretty (but so are a lot of people) 

the whole brooding thing 

me:   Fedddd, did your sister like his tits? 

Feddd:   guys, he has some kind of sexual power 

Sara:    I mean, everyone could relate to that story. She's a girl who felt plain but he was the hottest guy at school and for some reason he liked her. 

me:   would never happen 

Sara:   of course not. 

But we all wanted to believe it. WE WERE ALL ANGELA CHASE. 

me:   Wasn't Angela Chase the lady from Who's the Boss? 

Sara:   No that was Judith Light 

me:   He's also in a stupid band

Feddd:   This video has 28 million hits:





me:   And now he's nominated for an oscar? 

Am I supposed to watch that video right now? 

We're chatting 

Sara:   Yeah should we watch it? 

Feddd:   no 

me:   Yeah, that'd be ridiculous 

Sara:   Okay 

Phew 

me:   So modern day Jared Lets...

Sara:   he's like a little pretty deer 

Feddd:   good actor though! 

me:   omg we haven't even scratched the surface here 

Feddd:   is he a good actor? I think! 

Sara:   Apparently he's totally method 

Feddd:   ugh fuck that 

me:   AND HE HAS BROKEN TITS 

Feddd:   that is the real story here 

Sara:   Matt McCons said he didn't "meet" Jared Leto until the wrap party 

Feddd:   a lotta guys, they break their tits, they cash in their chips 

Sara:   EWWWWWWW 

me:   Ugh 

Sara:   i'm ewwwing my own story, not the tits thing 

i'm ignoring the tits thing 

me:   obviously 

All right, let's wrap this up 

the chat not his tits 

So final thoughts on Jared Leto ... on the count of 3, let's all give our final thoughts 

ready? 

I'll give Circs time to think 



Sara:   I'M READY 

i already have it typed in 

jeez 

me:   2 



Sara:   total weirdo 

me:   I dunno, seems like a bozo who cares 

Feddd:   oh shit 

sorry 

Sara:   ugh 

Feddd:   fuck 

me: EASY ON THE CURSING, FEDDD 

OMG 

Feddd:   sorry 

me:   THIS IS A FAMILY BLOG 

AND WHY DO YOU KEEP APOLOGIZING 

DID YOU BREAK YOUR TITS 

Sara:   what is happening 

me:   DO YOU NEED HELP 

Feddd:   No, I legit couldn't think of anything to say about Jared Leto 

me:   YOU’RE TYPING SO MUCH THO 

Sara:   LOL 

Feddd:   I guess, I'd just say he's a bozo who cares 

me:   see ya later guys 

Sara:   THAT'S TOO ABRUPT EVAN 

god i hate it when you do that 

me:   SORRY CIRCS 

HAVE A GREAT DAY WORKIN YOUR TITS BACK INTO SHAPE 

Sara:   you can't be goofing around with people and then WAMMO "see ya later guys" 

ugh 

Feddd:   it's a total power move 

Sara:   it is, isn't it? 

me:   omg i already said bye 

Sara:    like, "i will always be the first to leave" 

last to arrive, first to leave, i'm so fucking in demand 

me:   IT'S NOT TV YOUR WIVES WATCH 

Feddd:   I LIVE ALONE

3 comments:

  1. He doesn't eat meat. Or cheese. Or eggs. Or honey. Or wings. Just dirt and green stuff.
    Maybe that's the reason he hasn't aged at all over than span of two decades.
    Total bellend.
    Having said that, he would definitely get it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. prolly has the softest little banana butt

      Delete
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