|A crowd gathers waiting for Craig T. Nels.|
Hey everybodys, it’s award season in Hollywood, so you know what that means! … Not much. Not much at all. Pretty much no different from any other season. OMG YES IT IS. It means it’s time to call up our old pals, TVMWW’s Hollywood Correspondents, Feddd and Sara Circs!
These two mofos live in LA, eat papayas on the reg and are TAPPED INTO the Hollywood scene. So seeing as the Golden Glorbs air this Sunday night, I decided to call an emergency TVMWW staff meeting (held over Gchat) to see what the hell’s been goin’ on in The City by the Bay.
Number 1 on the meeting’s agenda: “WHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE HAVE YOU SEEN RECENTLY?” because that is honestly all that these two are good for. There was no #2 on the agenda. There was however a #3: “What’s everybody wearing?” and three #4’s: “Should we have a #2?”, “Does anyone know how to use Gchat?” and “What do you guys think of this agenda?”
Onto the chat!
Sara: Can i tell you guys about the time i saw Kyle Gass even though it was like 8 years ago
Feddd: Yeah, tell us, Circs
me: Sure. Who the hell is Kyle Glass?
Feddd: YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE
Sara: The guy in Tenacious D who isn't Jack Black
me: OMG aka the most boring person ever.
Sara: And it's Kyle Gass. Not Glass. He’s a big bald guy who plays the guitar really well, go fuck yourself.
Feddd: He was in Almost Famous, you fuck
Sara: So I was standing in line behind him at a 7 11 (my dash key doesn't work). This is NOT a good story, by the way
me: Starting off great
Feddd: Kyle Glass, 7-Eleven
Sara: So anyways, i'm like, omg, that's Kyle Gass and I fucking love Tenacious D so much
me: He was in Almost Famous
Sara: And we're indoors and he's wearing sunglasses Because he's a fucking D lister. And as he was about to leave I felt like I had to say something, so I said, "Hi, I just wanted to tell you my boyfriend and I are huge fans of yours." And to this day, I've thought about why I said "my boyfriend" And I realize it's because if I didn't he would have for sure thought I was trying to fuck him
Feddd: Because you were married at the time
Sara: No I had a boyfriend at the time
me: omg this is by far the most boring story I've ever heard.
Sara: Anyway, he turns to me, holds up the peace sign, and says, "pick up the DVD" and leaves. The DVD of The Pick of Destiny, I think.
me: omg this is the story you choose to share? why would you start this post with Tyler Glass?
Sara: Because he's one of the few I actually spoke to.
me: FEDDD, YOU'RE UP
Feddd: WHO HAVE YOU SEEN EV
Sara: Also I really, really dislike you.
|This is what goes for celebrity sightings these days?|
me: Who have I seen? Okay.
Feddd: TALKIN THAT SHIT
me: Well, when I was visiting Los Angeles as a child, I was in the backseat of my parents' shit-mobile, and driving behind us was none other than BILL THE COZZINATOR COSBY.
Sara: That's not even true. Don't lie.
me: IT'S FUCKING TRUE. And I happened to be wearing a Temple t-shirt at the time.
Feddd: I immediately think this is untrue and racist
me: So he's driving behind us and I'm freaking out, so I took off my shirt and tried to show it to The Coz. Kneeling in the backseat, my head essentially jammed into the roof, trying to show him this stupid pit-stained t-shirt.
Feddd: And he said, "My name is Peter Anderson. I am not Bill Cosby."
me: It was really hard to like hold the shirt up and press it against the back windshield, ‘cuz you know they’re at an angle and stuff.
Sara: So did he see it?
Feddd: DID HE SEE IT?
me: I have no idea. It was a really long time ago. He might've given a thumbs up.
me: I was like 11.
me: Story is 58% true.
Sara: What kind of shit mobile was he driving?
Sara: Who cares. Next!
me: FEDDD, YOU'RE UP.
|Coz's Temple Football days.|
Sara: Off to a good start.
me: C’MON, FEDDD. WHATCHA GOT? JIMMY SMITS?
Feddd: A few days ago I saw Stephen Merchant near my house
me: Any good Jimmy Smits sightings tho?
Sara: OMG I SAW JIMMY SMITS!!!!!!! AND TALKED TO HIM!!!
Feddd: It was the SECOND time I'd seen him tbh
Sara: Okay sorry.
me: WHERE'D YOU SEE HIM, CIRCS?
Feddd: NO YOU GO
Sara: I forgot I saw Jimmy Smits. It was this past May.
me: at 7-Elevs
Feddd: "Jimmy, my boyfriend and I want to fuck you"
Sara: I was out at a bar with a friend, and he was sitting in, like, an armchair. And I recognized him but didn't know from what.
Feddd: Yeah, probably one of the most unmistakable ppl in Hollywood but sure
Sara: And I had had enough to drink that as I was walking by him I was like, "YOU'RE SOMEBODY. WHO ARE YOU?" And my friend behind me was like muttering, "omg please stop please stop"
me: Was this friend Diane Sawyer?
Sara: And Smits sort of smirked and held out his hand and was like, "Jimmy." And I was like "JIMMY WHO" and he laughed and said "who are you?" and I was like "I'm Sara. Who are you?"
Feddd: This is adorable
me: And he was like, "I’m still Jimmy." Okay great story, Circs, let's go back to Feddd.
Sara: And then he finally admitted he was Jimmy Smits and was obviously loving it and then my friend behind me (Kenny) sheepishly shook his hand
me: Kenny Loggins.
Feddd: And that friend was Kenny Rogers
me: STEPHEN MERCH, WHAT WUZ HE WEARING
Feddd: Ooh, this is NOT ON TOPIC but kind of is.
Feddd: One time I was in a clothing store with my gf at the time who was real and existed
Sara: fifty eight percent true
Feddd: And this woman, late 40s, is eyeballing me
me: REALLY late 40's tho
Feddd: I'm like, "uh..." I guess I'm at an age where grown women want to F me at Kohl's
Feddd: Like so late in her 40s that she was prob deep into her 50s
Sara: It's a good place to F, wide aisles
me: no one around
me: possibly closed / out of business
Feddd: And I'm helping my gf try on little buckles and shit …
Feddd: and the woman says, loudly, "Hello. Say hi to Mr. Spielberg for me."
Feddd: OH, and she had a cute daughter with her
Sara: Omg anti semitic!
Feddd: And I said, "What?" She said, "Say hi to Mr. Spielberg." And then hinted that she knew who I was
Sara: Omg who are you??
Feddd: Who did she think I was?
me: She thought you were Edna Spielbs, Stephen Spielberg’s cunt of a wife.
Feddd: I REALIZE THIS IS NOT ON TOPIC AND WE CAN CUT IT
Sara: WHO ARE YOU
me: LET'S HEAR ABOUT STEPHEN MERCH AND THEN END THIS SHIT
Feddd: I always thought it was cuz she thought I was a famous actor
Sara: OMG I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO PAUL MCCARTS
Sara: Wait you don't even know who she thought you were?
Feddd: I mean, no
Sara: Now I really want to figure it out
me: Why do I care so much about what Stephen Merch was wearing?
Feddd: ANYWAY I saw Stephen Merch once at a bowling alley and was disappointed cuz he actually looked really cool and was with two grade-A smoketanks
me: Did you set that place on fire be honest
Sara left the group chat
Feddd left the group chat
me: See ya guys.
Not only are the Golden Glizzies on this Sunday, but so is the Bach Behind the Scenes, Downton Abbers and the Girls season premiere! What are you gonna watch? Let me know in the comments sectsh, or don't, honestly who cares, just check out this picture of women boxing on the roof, circa the 1930s.