Thursday, January 16, 2014

OMG You Saw Whooooo?! Celebrity Sightings with Feddd and Sara Circs (including the time I met Method Man!)

Noooooooo belt?

The Oscars are only 46 days away (I counted!). So from now until then, every week we'll be checking in with TVMWW's Hollywood Correspondents, Jesse Feddds and Sara Circs, to hear what's goin' on in the Emerald City.

Last week, Feddd and Circs told us all about the big time celebrities they've recently seen out and about in Los Angeles. This week, they're doing the exact same thing because quite frankly that's all that they're good for.

ALSO FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE, this week I have color coded everyone's parts (Circs's idea). Circs in green because bitchez love money. Feddd tall, dark and blue. Me in pink (obviously).

But enough with all this jibber jabber!

Let's get to the Gchat!

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me: All right guys, who wants to start?

Sara: i think Feddd should go because i told like three stories last time

me: FEDDDER, WE'RE STARTING WITH YOU.

who'd you see this week?

AND DON'T LIE

Feddd: Okay, I won't

me: Thank you. 

Feddd: I saw Boris Yeltsin yesterday

me:  CIRCS, YOU'RE UP


Sara: seriously? okay

me: Who'd you see THIS WEEK

Sara: no one

Feddd: I saw Bill hader

me: BACK TO YOU, FEDDD!

where'd you see him

Feddd: At a nice Culver City restaurant

Sara: what restaurant?

Feddd: Akasha

Sara: oooh, tell us about the date you were on

me: omg I understand that these aren't exactly open ended questions, but FEEL FREE TO ELABORATE

Circs, you're up

Feddd: honestly I saw him, played it v cool, and in a very chill way told everybody at my table

Sara: I saw Paul McCarts around 200five (my five key doesn't work) or so

me: omg Circs I was kidding, it's still Feddd's turn. Was he there with friends, Feddd? CHICKS?

Feddd: Oh my God you can get a keyboard for 9 dollars

My story is not good

He looked like he was just having a nice relaxed lunch with 5 other dudes

Sara: FIVE OTHER DUDES IT HAD TO BE FIVE

me: OMG PLEASE GIVE MY READER(S) SOMETHING TO BE INTERESTED IN

Feddd: I figured hey, he's new in town, just catching up with his buds

Sara: did he move here? sounds like you have some kind of inside scoop

Feddd: well, just cuz he's not on SNL anymore

I have no idea if he's new in town

Sara: oh yeah, he hasn't been on SNL for at least a year

me: Ugh, he writes for South Park now

Sara: REALLY?

me: yeah, he's learning the ropes from those guys or something. 

Feddd:  this is so goddamn boring

me: What was he eating? Did people go up to him? Did you fill your pants with shit?

Feddd: I walked by the table and they were CLEARLY talking about a script and I barfed 

Sara: ugh

me: ugh

should we move on to Circs?

Feddd: yes please

me: the paul mccarts story she's been dying to tell for 8 long years


LA's hottest club is ... Akasha.
It's got Feddd, Circs, printer cartridges, clams casino, real life Ashkenazis. 

Sara: You'll be surprised to hear this is also not a good story save for the paul mccarts part

me: awesome

Sara: so my then boyfriend (dash key doesn't work) and i are walking down VENTURA BLVD in Studio City

and walking towards us is a couple pushing a baby carriage or "pram" as they say across the pond

Feddd: we get it, Circs, YOU'VE DATED

Sara: it was NOT a stroller, it was the kind where the baby is facing you because these people are rich

me: you mean a pram?

Sara: yes anyway they're pretty far away at first and as they get closer we see that he's significantly older

then they get closer and i think we both start to process OMG THIS IS PAUL MCCARTS AND HEATHER MILLS

but we can't look at each other because they'll see us and know we're doing the OMG THAT'S PAUL MCCARTS AND HEATHER MILLS secret eye dance

me: 8 years in the making this story

Sara: so i think we both just secretly prayed the other one was noticing that it was paul mccarts and we walked by them


me: and he stole your 5 key

Feddd:  **googling Heather Mills**

me: she's the lady with no feet, Feddd

Sara: and their smug asses were thinking "yes that's right we are paul mccarts and heather mills"

then they walked by us and i punched heather mills in the leg just to make sure and yep it was her

she didn't miss a beat

Feddd: GUYS

me: Dudes, y'all need to learn how to INTERACT with these people

what feddd

Sara: OMG

Feddd: oh nothing. just your feet/legs comments

me: ugh

Feddd: cut my part out

Sara: is it rude

i mean is it inappropes

probably, right?

it's leggist

i'm sorry

me: Here's the story of when i met method man


Whatever Cain Images get over yourself. 

me: FEDDDD, I APOLOGIZE IF YOU'VE ALREADY HEARD THIS STORY

then again it's not like you listen when i talk anyway

Sara: **googles method man**

me: NBA ALL STAR WEEKEND, 2002 IN PHILADELPHIA

Feddd: I honestly thought you were lying when you started this story

me: Evvvvvvvvverybody who's anybody is in town

So my buddy The Rev and I decide to go downtown to the Marriot where everyone was staying (we lived down the street and I wanted to fuck a famous dude and get preggs)

The problem was, everything was roped off, and you couldn't get into the hotel

but as we stood outside doing absolutely nothing, player after player, entertainer after entertainer kept showing up 

eventually, i told Rev that i had a plan

and I'm sorry this story is so long sometimes I can't shut up

I have a blog you know

Feddd:  I'm answering work emails

Sara: taking a bath

me: So i see that there is a restaurant attached to the hotel that has a street entrance

so i go in there ... "yes, can i help you?"

"just going to take a shit"

Feddd: Yes, Karl Kani help you? (hilarious 90s joke)

me: so i zip past the hostess dude and walk to the bathroom ... but i'm not really going to the bathroom, guys! ... i start nosying around, and find a DOOR

so i push the door open and BOOM

I'M IN

I'M IN THE HOTEL

IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS LONGGGGGGGGG HALLWAY

Feddd: OH JESUS WHAT KIND OF DOOR

MORE DETAILS PLS SNOOOOZE

what were the hallway dimensions?

me: that leads from where the limos are dropping people off to the hotel lobb

SHUT UP FEDDD

so i'm in the middle of this long hallway and coming toward me is METH

Sara: stole this from wayne's world but fine

Feddd: This is honestly from Garden State

me: so I start walking toward the lobby -- ACT LIKE YOU BELONG, RIGHT GUYS? -- and meth and i are now walking down this long hallway, basically together

we've got like 30 feet to go walking side by side

Sara: what did you do with poor Rev

me: and i want to say something to Meth, obviously, but not something dumb like "just wanted to tell you that my boyfriend and I are huge fans."

Feddd: "the hallway was decorated in the Victorian style, with arched ceilings and brass fixtures" 

me: so I turn to him and I say, "So Meth, you gonna tell all your friends tomorrow that you met me?"

and he goes, "what?"

and I go, "nothin."


Sara: what percentage of this story is true

me: OMG ALL OF THIS STORY IS TRUE

Sara: that's a good story!

it's too bad he didn't hear you

me: no, he heard me he just didn't get the joke

Sara: oh. sad.

me: I KNOW

IT'S A GOOD STORY

TELL YOUR FAT FRIEND FEDDDD THAT

"Bill Hader ate a tuna sandwich" omg

GIVE ME SOME GODDAMN DEETS, PEOPLE

TIL NEXT TIME!

Feddd:  I went to an entertainers league summer basketball game once in Santa Mons

oh we're done

Sara: ugh this was gonna be good too i just know it

me: SEE YA NEXT WEEK

Sara: bye

Feddd: bye








Don't forget to come back next week for more CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS WITH FEDDD AND SARA CIRCS. To bide your time until then, take this online survey that explains "Which Muppet Are You?" Or don't. I honestly don't care. JK I totally do. It's a fun survey. I'm the Swedish Chef!

12 comments:

  1. I KNOW A GUY WHO SOLD METHOD MAN WEED TRUE STORY

    ReplyDelete
  2. You guys are really building momentum with this recurring feature. Color coding...tremendous upgrade. 3 out of 4 WOWs

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  3. Haha I was also in that Marriot lobby during that All-Star 2002 weekend - doing exactly what you were doing - and Anthony Anderson walked by so I screamed "Oh my gosh - It's Hang Time!" He didn't like that. Conversely, when Quentin Richardson walked by I yelled "Q!" and he super totally dug it.

    http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/pictured-anthony-anderson-as-teddy-broadis-news-photo/138450453

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