Monday, January 13, 2014

Downton Abbey: Week 2's Primetime Performer presented by A1® Steak Sauce

omg what kinda way is that to hold a fork?!


Hey snotfaces, wipe the snot from your noses and throw a steak on the grill, because Turbo Timmy and I are back for another edition of the Downton Abbey Primetime Performer Award presented by A1® Steak Sauce!

If you missed last week's edition, you can see who we gave the first Primetime Performer award to here (also presented by A1® Steak Sauce).


The Evster:  HOLY GUACAMOLE. While most of America was off watching famous people s their own d’s, Downton Abbers took us on another goddamn roller coaster ride of emotions. Sadly, this week’s ep did NOT feature the doggie (c’mon Downton Abbers!), but there were still a bunch of other primetime performances. Obviously Anna getting YOU KNOW WHAT’ED was heartbreaking, but what about the redheaded dude who had to make the sauce?! Then there was Mr. Handsomeface making eyes at Mary, "Ohhhh I’m so sad. Ohhhhhhh my husband’s dead." OhhhhhhhMG, get over it lady! Mr. Handsomeface wants to go riding!

And I gotta give it to her, Mary did a wonderful job getting herself together, and an even better job riding sidesaddle. That is not easy folks, riding a horse like a GODDAMNED LADY. I can’t even sit on a couch if a television is not DIRECTLY in front of me. So much lower back strain. Still, I kinda feel like the horse did most of the work. My vote goes to the horsie.

Turbo:  Ok, just got done watching on my work computer since my freakin DVR didn’t record it last night. If this episode gets me fired then fine, it was worth it. No way my boss finds this, right? How many people read this blog?

The Evster:  7.

Turbo:  That seems generous but away we go. In this episode we saw many different dudes courting many different chicks: Gregson with Edith, Mr. Handsomeface with Mary, a dapper fella that likes to dance with Rose, and Mr. Green (another visiting family’s valet) with Anna. Since I received my Bachelors degree from the University of TVMWW, I was trained to look inside the hearts of these men to determine who is/isn’t there for the right reasons (“right reasons I’m here for you girl, for all the right reasons”). Gregson MUST have some ulterior motive going on because damn Edith just how many hockey pucks has that nose seen? (Evster's note: Rude.) Dapper Don clearly only wants to get into Rose’s knickers and can you really blame him? Mr. Green… shame on you, Mr. Green. Bates is going to find out what you’ve done and I’m not sure what he is capable of doing since he is a little gimpy but I hope he hurts you really badly. That leaves us with Mr. Handsomeface aka Lord Gillingham. I really think he genuinely likes Mary and they have a real chemistry going between them! So based on my studies at U of TVMWW, I believe Mr. Handsomeface is there for the right reasons ("right reasons, I’m here for you girl for all the four seasons.") Soulja Boy, drop that verse.

The Evster:  Yeah, that’s probably the better choice. Let’s go with him.

Congraggnulations, Mr. Handsomeface!

Are you following @Turbo UNDERSCORE Timmy on Twitter yet? You should be. Follow him now. Or don't, honestly who cares, life is short do whatever the hell you want. The real question is: will my wife post in the comments sectsh again this week? Also, that Soulja Boy/Des collabo video embedded above is seriously the most embarrassing music video ever made. Please don't watch it. It will only make you hate everything. I apologize to Mr. Handsomeface for including it in this post. My bad, Mr. Handsomeface. 


  1. Peppier! Pepperier! Perrier! Pupperonier!

  2. Hey guys, I didn't watch the episode until last night so I only JUST read this post. Really liked it, disagree with almost the whole thing, but @Turbo_Timbles, I am blown away by your familiarity with the "right reasons all the right reasons" song. Bravo and brava. Also this is a funny post and also how did you know the evil guy's name is Mr. Green okay bye bye.

    PS anyone seen any deals on macbook pro keyboards please not that i said PRO