Friday, December 6, 2013

Don't Sleep on da Motherfuckin Sound of Music!

I honestly thought all that praying was hot as fuck. 

I don't really have time today for a full-blooded super bonkers breakdown of last night's LIVE TELEVISION MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA, so here are some LIGHTNING QUICK HOT TAKES on the performance.

  • Going in, I was hoping to see some live slip ups, and when I say "live slip ups" I obviously mean "a tit." I was hoping to see a tit. Unfortunately, most of the hot female action in The Sound of Muse is performed by nuns, so there was no real chance of seeing a tit. I wish someone would've told me that beforehand. 
  • A lot of hate flying around Twitter last night. People were writing stuff like, "This is so gay!" and "I think this just set a new record for gayness!" and "I just fucked a dude's butt!" And while I recognize that yes, The Sound of Muse is a little soft, it's still kinda dope, and the fact that it was filmed live made it must-watch TV 'cuz you never knew when you might see a tit.
  • I'm not crazy about the formatting of this blog post with these stupid bullet points. I've never used bullet points before (in a post, I mean, I've obviously used them in real life!), but there's no going back now. Essentially the main reason I don't have time for a full-blooded super bonkers breakdown today is because I just spent 45 minutes trying to figure out these bullet points. 
  • You'd be surprised by how complicated bullet points can be. 
  • Most of the hate last night was being directed at poor Carrie Underhill who had the impossible job of trying to recreate Maria, the iconic character first played by Julie Anderson. Personally, I think Underhood did a pretty decent job. She seemed to have a nice rapport with those children, and while I realize they weren't actually her real children and were technically paid to act like that, she still did a nice job.
  • My wife was less upset at Kerry and more frustrated by the reworked soundtrack. Apparently, some songs were played at different times with different backdrops, which drove my wife ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BANANAS. At one point she turned to me and yelled, "Are they not doing the puppet show?!?!" to which I replied, "THERE'S A PUPPET SHOW?" and then she goes, "Ugh, and is that why the Lonely Goatherd is being sung when Favorite Things should be sung?" and I was like, "I know!" and then she was all, "I am agog," and I was like, "I am really learning a lot about you tonight."
  • Vampire Bill was a curious choice to play Captain Von Trapper Keeper and while I realize that's neither a funny or interesting nickname for him, how amazing were Trapper Keepers?!?! For the first week of school, my jawn would always be SO ORGANIZED -- with folders and a pencil case and a place to write down my stupid homework assignments -- but by week two, that thing would have dicks doodled all over it and be stuffed in my locker underneath around 46 sweatshirts and a fucking Pogo Ball. 
  • The scene where Vampire Bill was dancing with Carly Underpants, that was really nice. You could see that they were truly lost in the moment. I thought they were gonna fuck. 
So many pheromones. 
  • That do-re-mi song REALLY HITS HARD when it gets to the second verse. The one where they go "do mi mi, mi fa fa, la ti ti, fa ti ray!" and then they break it down with the "Whennnnn youuuuu knowwwwwww theeeeeee notessss toooooo sinnngggggg, youuuuu cannnn singggggg mosttttt aaaannNEEEEEEEthinnggggggggg!" That motherfucker is my JAM.
  • Super excited for the Michael Bubl√© Christmas spesh with Mariah, Mary J. Blige and COOKIE MONSTERRRRRR!!!!! 
  • That guy once ate a telephone!

New post at The 700 Level today about this year's Heisman candidates. Go read it now! Or check out this ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND SAD video of a leopard killing a baboon and then realizing the baboon had a newborn. That's obviously what you should do. IT'S SO NICE AND SO SAD BUT ALSO SO NICE. 

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