Wednesday, August 28, 2013

TV My Dad Watches: Entertainment Tonight

Pretty strong Adam's App.

Evster's note: For the next two weeks -- while our bathroom is being redone -- my wife and I will be living at MY PARENTS' HOUSE. As of now, it is still unclear as to whether or not my marriage will make it through the fortnight, but if it's any consolation, I will be writing a bunch of posts on what it's like to watch TV with my folks. The following is what took place last night, the first night of our stay, as I joined my dad for Entertainment Tonight.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Legit TVMWW Interview with Charles Baker aka Skinny Pete from Breaking Bad

I now consider this guy to be one of my best friends in this world. 

Yo yo yo yo yo yo, Charles Baker (who plays Skinny Pete on mayyybbeeeee the greatest show of all time, Breaking Bad) actually talked to me for an exclusive TVMWW interview. I know! I was as blown away as you are.

In the days leading up to us chatting, I probably sent Charles 47 different emails, most of them in an attempt to confirm that we were going to speak at 6pm Eastern time, or 3pm in Los Angeles. Then, on the day we were scheduled to talk, I realized that Charles actually lived in Texas, so I frantically searched the internet for what freaking time zone Fort Worth was in and sent him around 12 more emails. Turns out, Charles actually does now live in Los Angeles, and is perfectly capable of adding and subtracting by threes, so it all worked out.

The following is a transcription of our conversation, one where we spoke about everything from working with Chuck Norris on WALKER TEXAS RANGER to pigging out on the set of Breaking Bad to watching crappy reality television with his wife. Enjoy.


Ring ring ...

The Evster: Hellooooo, Charles.

Charles Baker: Evannnn, how ya doin, man?

The Evster: I'm doin' great, how are you?

Charles Baker: I'm all right, man, just hanging out. 

The Evster: Thanks for doin' this, I really appreciate it. 

Charles Baker: No problem, man. 

The Evster: So what'd you think of those 47 emails I sent ya about gettin' the time straight? I don't know what I was doin' there, I don't know why I didn't have more faith in you to understand the whole adding and subtracting by threes thing. 

Charles Baker: You know you'd be surprised man, I'm pretty bad at time zones. I had an interview scheduled for the UK a while ago and they told me they'd talk to me at a certain time, like 4pm, and I didn't even catch that they meant Eastern Time Zone, so I'm sitting around at like 1 in the afternoon and they call and I'm like, "Ohhh, ohhh, yeah, I shoulda looked at that." 

The Evster: So you're saying I was right to send you all those emails? I felt like an idiot. I felt like I was turning into my mother, like sending you 4 million emails just to check this stupid time. 

Charles Baker: There's this comedian named Hugh Fink, I don't know if you've ever heard of him, he's like this real nerdy guy who plays the violin, but he's great. He does this whole bit about how his father has no clue how time zones work. 

The Evster: Yeah, my mother-in-law, who is a very smart woman, graduated from Berkeley, she's a psychiatrist, she lives in Brooklyn, she's an intellectual and one of those people who doesn't own a television, y'know? But she has no idea how to check her voice mail. And she claims that the last six cellphones she's had have all been "broken." You got a crazy mother-in-law?

Charles Baker: I got the best mother-in-law in the world, I totally lucked out. She's an academic counselor at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth. She works in the athletic department and she's one of the top advisors and a lot of her students go on to play professional sports. She talks to everybody, she's everybody's favorite and she's everybody's mom. She took me in from the day she met me and their family, my wife's family, they're mainly the reason I was able to pursue an acting career. I got the best mother-in-law in the world. 

The Evster: Maybe the whole weirdo mother-in-law thing is a myth? 

Charles Baker: Yeah, I like to think so.

The Evster: Although my wife might disagree with that.

Charles Baker: I was just about to say that. My wife mayyyyyyyyyy, may not agree.

The Evster: Oh yeah? Is your mother a nut job? What's your relationship like with her?

Charles Baker: My mom? She's in Canada, she moved there with her most recent boyfriend or husband, I don't know, we haven't gotten along since I was around ten years old. And we talk every once in a while, but we haven't talked since she moved.

The Evster: Yeah, well in the little research I did on you, I saw that you moved around a lot as a youngster, lived in Hawaii, all over Europe. Your pop was in the army or something. And yet, before this recent move to LA, you settled in FORT WORTH TEXAS? What was that all about?

Charles Baker: Yeah, weird, right? Well, that's where my mom was living at the time and I was trying to be closer to family and I have two older brothers, one passed away a couple of years ago, but all of them lived in Fort Worth, and I have an aunt and uncle and cousins who live in Fort Worth. And I've always been sorta the black sheep of the family and despite them not really wanting me to be around, I kept trying to hang around anyway. That's why I ended up here. When my parents divorced when I was around 7, my mom moved to Fort Worth, then Albuquerque, then Fort Worth again, so that's always been kinda a base in between going around the world with my dad. 

The Evster: And now you've packed your bags and headed out to LA. Is this the first time you've taken a shot at this? Did you move out there as a young 20-something or anything? Or is this the first time?

Charles Baker: This is the first time. My oldest brother, Cal, who died a couple of years ago when he was 50, he moved out here when I was about 17, and I came out to visit him once. He wanted to be an actor, he was workin' at a grocery store, as a checker, and had just recently got turned down for like The Price is Right or something, or some game show, but he wasn't really doin' much here so he moved back to Texas. But I came to visit him one day and he took me out to a club and I got kinda wasted and don't really remember much else.

(Evster's note: Charles saying that his brother tried out for The Price is Right really had me baffled. Did he try out for Bob Barker's job? As an announcer? A model? What else is there to do on The Price is Right? Regardless, I did not follow up with a question about it, I just sat there scratching my head while Charles went on. He later told me that he misspoke and that his brother actually tried out for Love Connection with Chuck Woolery which was an AMAZING show, especially when they'd show the percentages of who the audience picked -- tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick -- "Ohhhh, sorry Pamela. The audience picked Stuart. Yes, that's his real haircut.")

How did the dude in the middle not win?!?!

Charles Baker: Yeah, I kinda resisted for a while. I had heard a lot of negative stuff about LA, you know, the people here, how dangerous it was, but I was listening to this from a bunch of people who lived in Texas ... but I finally got invited to come out for a Breaking Bad premiere, I think Season Four? And I went, "You know, I'm not gonna miss out on that," so I came out here for that, I stayed with an uncle I have who lives out here and works in the business as a grip, he's a dolly grip, so I stayed with him for a couple of days and like, realllllyyyyy liked the place. I mean, I really liked it. So I went back to Texas and started making plans and slowly but surely we were able to figure out a way to do it. 

The Evster: And did you move with the wife and kids out there? Did everyone join you out there?

Charles Baker: Yeah, in fact my oldest son, he's 25 now by the way, believe it or not.

The Evster: Wowzers.

Charles Baker: He had just graduated from Texas Wesleyan when all this was happening, but he was deciding on where to go to law school, and low and behold, he got a full scholarship to Whittier Law School in Orange County, so now we've all moved here. I moved my wife and two younger kids here first and got settled, and then as soon as he graduated he came out here as soon as he could. 

The Evster: So the whole Baker clan is out there, getting sun tans. Although it's kinda sunny in Texas, too, so that doesn't make any sense. 

Charles Baker: Uh-huh, and I actually have another daughter, she's 21 and she actually lives in Philly. I tried to get her to move out here, but she just won't. 

The Evster: Yeah, there's something about this town, it's a weird place, it sucks you in, and then it sucks all the life out of you and you can't get out. So life's gotta be goin' pretty well for ya now, huh? You're wrapping up on one of the greatest shows of all time. I'm not ready to call it THE greatest show, in my opinion that's Will and Grace, but that's just one guy's ... 

Charles Baker: Okay, okay, a little bit different, but ...

The Evster: Well, either that or Empty Nest, but life's gotta be goin' pretty well for ya now. How is life different now that it was a year ago? Or five years ago? Like, how's your confidence now as compared to then?

Charles Baker: Well, confidence has gotten a little too high. I think that's part of the problem. You know, I've worked on a Terrence Malick film ...

(Evster's note: I FUCKING LOVE TERRENCE MALICK. He makes these absolutely beautiful, emotional, powerful, sweet, incredibly artistic films. In fact, My wife and I watched Days of Heaven this past weekend and it was so beautiful and subtle and interesting and my wife HATED it. Like, she recognized that it was artistic and pretty and the music was cool, but she friggin' LOATHED Malick's minimal dialogue and storytelling technique. Immediately after the movie was over, she grabbed the remote and put on Wet Hot American Summer. I think that calmed her down.)

Charles Baker: ... and I did that while I was working on Breaking Bad. I just recently worked on a film called Ain't Them Bodies Saints, by David Lowery, he's kinda the next big thing, you'll be hearing about him. So now I'm like, "Yo, I'm Skinny Pete and I've been in a Malick film! What you got that's better than that?" So that mighta gotten my head a little too big, but I'm trying to keep that under control. But I love it out here. The quality of life out here is better than Fort Worth. The weather is better, the people are nicer, we live in a much safer neighborhood. We walk our kids to school. We go to the beach or go hiking in the mountains, there's so much more to do, it's wonderful here. And out here, I get to audition A LOT more.

(Evster's note: As Charles was talking about all the wonderful things you can do in Southern California, I heard a bottle shatter outside of my Downtown Philadelphia office window and then a person started screaming and then like 14 car alarms went off simultaneously.)

Welcome to Soul Patch City. 

The Evster: So back when you were younger and living in Fort Worth and you were hustling for gigs, like, I found these old headshots of you where you were rockin' a soul patch. Can we talk about that? That was something, man. That was really something. 

Charles Baker: Okay, hold on, those pictures were taken by a guy named Mark Roddenberry. Does the name Roddenberry ring a bell at all?

The Evster: Not at all. Should it? I know Mark Ratner from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Charles Baker: Well Mark's the great nephew of Gene Roddenberyy who created the Star Trek series, and then of course, I got to do that Star Trek scene on Breaking Bad. 

The Evster: Oh yeah that's right. I had no idea what was goin' on in that scene. 

Charles Baker: But the soul patch, we're all young and dumb at some point. We do things we regret. I had a soul patch. I can live with it. I got rid of it. Can't we at least say that?

The Evster: Hey listen, I like that you own up to it, but what was your thinkin' there? I'm gonna be Soul Patch Guy? They're gonna remember me?

Charles Baker: See this is a testament to how difficult childhood can be. When I was a little kid I played football and I had this mean, mean-ass football coach and he used to make fun of me saying that I didn't have a chin, so I grew up with this no-chin complex. And I didn't know what that meant, I still don't, so I thought that little soul patch? That gave me the illusion of chinnage. 

The Evster: See that's smart. Very calculated. I now almost accept you for having the soul patch. 

Charles Baker: Thank you, thank you. 

The Evster: All right so lookin' at your IMDB page there's a bunch of stuff that no human being has ever heard of, and then there's Walker Texas Ranger, the movie. I've never seen it, but Chuck Norris is a legend, especially in Fort Worth. Did you get any scenes with Big Chuck?

Charles Baker: Yeah. I'm 40-years-old, so he was kinda a legend when I was younger. He was like the action hero when I was a kid and you know, he fought Bruce Lee and lived to tell the tale. He's a tough dude. And it's kinda hard to not be a little bit intimidated by the guy. 

The Evster: I believe you, man. I'm terrified of white people in general. And if there's a person who can pull of a soul patch in this world, it's Chuck Norris. 

Charles Baker: I'm lucky he didn't pull off my soul patch. 

The Evster: The other one I like on that list is Temple Grandin. I taught special ed middle school for four years and my class was located next to the autistic class and we used to do some stuff with them, so I showed it to my kids and they were way into it. That was a quality movie.

Charles Baker: It really was and I was really thrilled to be a part of that one. I played a nice guy and a cowboy and it was such a good movie. I mean, I sat in a trailer getting my hair and makeup done with Claire Danes and Catherine O'Hara for like a week straight and we would just sit and talk. And I'm still in awe of this business, and every time I get a job I'm meeting someone new, like one of my heroes and I can sit and talk to them and be their peer, it's just surreal. Every job I get is an amazing adventure.

The Evster: And I imagine, coming up soon, some young guy is gonna come up to you and say, "Hey, I watched you on Breaking Bad, tell me what you, you know, you can bestow on me." That's gotta be a great feeling. 

Charles Baker: It's kinda neat, it's hard to really believe some times. That this is actually happening and it's not something I'm watching on some made-for-TV-movie. It's really weird how it's, it's almost been cliché for me after being on Breaking Bad how things have changed. You know, I have a manager now and an entertainment lawyer and a publicist, and people like you want to interview me. 

The Evster: Yeah you're getting interviewed on the #1 blog on the internet that has to do with television my wife watches, so that's pretty unbelievable.

Charles Baker: I know, man. That's pretty awesome. 

The Evster: Yeah this is a new high for you. 

Charles Baker: Definitely. 

The Evster: So you were saying you've got a manager now and an agent and all that, but going back to auditioning for Breaking Bad, did someone set you up for that? Did you seek it out yourself? And did you know going in, or have any inkling that this was something special? 

Charles Baker: It was a weird situation for me, actually. At the time, I was in Texas and I had an agent, I still have that agent, Linda McAllister, and I was doing some acting classes with a casting director who did a lot of casting in Dallas and Fort Worth. And in her classes she was using old scripts from shows that she had tried to cast. And she had this old script, from a show that FX was originally gonna produce called Breaking Bad, but FX backed out at the last minute. So this casting director had all these scripts from a show they weren't going to make, because geez, it was a show about a high school teacher who makes meth, who's gonna make a show like that? So she was using that for her acting class. And I really, I knew a lot about what that script, at least what the pilot was about. I knew all the characters, because I had practiced playing pretty much all of them, without having any idea that Bryan or Aaron would be playing these roles. So I got to play with that script quite a bit before AMC decided they were gonna do it. And luckily, the same casting director was also used to help with the local casting for New Mexico. She was hired to help cast the day players, the one liner characters. And that's what they brought me in there for just, you just have a few lines and you're done. I remember before I got that audition and I said to her, "Hey, I can be on this show," and she laughed at me and said, "What are you gonna do on a show about a high school teacher who cooks meth with his high school student?" and I said, "Well they're bound to have other junkies on this show at some point." And she just kinda laughed that off and then a couple days later she was like, "Hey, you got an audition."

At first, the audition was for three parts: the Skinny Stoner, the Tattooed Stoner and a Chubby Stoner, and when I came back for the callback, it was just Tattooed Skinny Stoner and Chubby Stoner, and I was like, "Well, I'm already skinny and tattooed so I got this." And I went in and gave it all I got. I was told later by the producers that if I hadn't gotten in the way that I did, I never would've gotten an audition for the part, let alone gotten the part. Because they became so popular so fast, they could've had anybody, any named actor to play that role if they knew that it was gonna be a continuing role. They weren't gonna give it to some unknown actor guy who had been on Walker Texas Ranger, they were gonna give it to somebody good. And luckily I got to stay.

The Evster: So when did you realize this went from, "All right I've been in a couple episodes of this pretty decent show" to "Holy shit, I'm on one of the greatest shows of all time,"? Was it evident from the start? Did you realize it the second you got on set? I imagine you were nervous as hell that first day. 

Charles Baker: I think we all knew. I mean, everybody just knew what we had. When I got to the set, it's like everybody who had been working on the show since the pilot had gotten a chance to see a rough cut of the pilot, before anything else. So a lot of the time, when they were trying to bring actors in who knew nothing about the show, that was their selling point. They would go, "Here, watch the pilot," and then the person would, they'd be like, "Yeah, I wanna be on this." And so it was pretty evident and I don't know if anyone really expected, or even cared about the Emmys and critical acclaim, we just knew we had a great show and we were just gonna give it our all.

#BunReport! Charles has a pet bun named Smudge.

The Evster: Let's talk about life on set. I feel like if I were on the Breaking Bad set, I don't think I could stop talking about Bryan Cranston's calves. I have never seen calf muscles on a human being like his. Is it like widely discussed on the set that when he gets into his tightie whities, everyone gathers round and is like, "Holy smokes, look at them calves." Anyone ever brought that up to him?

Charles Baker: I'll be honest, I have never even thought about his calves. 

The Evster: REALLY?

Charles Baker: But that might explain why he likes to do so many scenes in his underwear. I normally try to keep my eyes above the waist. When you're staring at a guy who has won Emmys and is Heisenberg, you wanna be looking at his eyes. You don't want your eyes roaming around. 

The Evster: I understand that, but the man is bound to turn his back at some point, and I would think that a fella who has been on a set with horses like Walker Texas Ranger and cows on Temple Grandin, that you would appreciate his lower legs. Next time, you know, check 'em out, although I guess there won't be a next time, but ... I dunno, how is it on set? Everyone gets along? They feed you well? What kinda food they got up in there? I imagine that based on the success the food has gotten a lot better.

Charles Baker: Aw man, since the first season, I swear, they snagged THE BEST caterer in the industry. I brought my wife, my son and my best friend to the set, from Texas, not so they could watch me, but so they could see the food I was getting. My wife, she's a foodie, loves different types of food, trying different kinds of food. In fact in Season 3, that's the season I'm in the most, I actually gained a lot of weight because I just, man, I pigged out. It was phenomenal.

The Evster: Hey man, I get it. You were a starving actor. You needed that. 

Charles Baker: It was pretty awesome. 

The Evster: Who chows down the most on set? I mean, the obvious choice would be Hank Schrader, or whatever his name is in real life. 

Charles Baker: Dean Norris, yeah, he's an awesome dude by the way. Um, there was one point where like, Aaron Paul sat down next to me at lunch, and I was piggin out and he was just like, "Hey man, are you gaining weight? You're Skinny Pete." and I sorta stopped and was like, "Is that a hint?" Was he telling me I need to stop eating so much food? Luckily that season Skinny Pete was getting clean for a little bit, so it worked out for a while. 

The Evster: All right, so life is good, you're eating well, how 'bout this wife of yours? Does she make you watch any ridiculous television? The Bachelor? Real Housewives? Anything like that?

Charles Baker: Well, she umm, she's an actress and she has a degree from TCU also, so ummm, well not also, it's not like I have any sort of degree, I mean like her mom works at TCU and she has a degree, umm, she loves dance. She has been dancing since she was 4, so she watches So You Think You Can Dance religiously. I watch until they vote out all my favorite hot chicks. Or, ugh, I'm sorry if that sounded really misogynistic. I watch until all the beautiful young ladies are gone. 

The Evster: Yeah, that's all right, we'll edit that out. 

Charles Baker: Thank you. Then, after that, I tend to lose interest.

The Evster: That show's been on from time to time in our house, and I recognize that some of it is amazing, but I've never understood the whole interpretive dance with the jumping and the feet together and the rolling around on the ground. I mean, I get it, I get it, it's art, but I wanna see the dudes breakdancing and doing the slow-motion stuff and all that. That's mind blowing to me. 

Charles Baker: I kinda lose it with all the ballroom dancing, and I know that's a skill. I mean, I took tap, jazz and ballet as a young guy and used to perform with a lot of ballet companies around Fort Worth while I was struggling to make it as an actor, and I enjoy watching great dance, but some of that quickstep and ballroom dancing, I'm just like ... 

The Evster: You're completely ruining your chances of ending up on Dancing With the Stars right now by the way, you realize?

Charles Baker: Yeah, that's all right. When you don't dance for a while, you kinda lose it. My daughter, the one who lives in Philadelphia, came to visit out here and I took her to a party, a Breaking Bad screening, and we were at the party and I started jamming my head at the party and she was like, "Oh great, I come all the way out here for an embarrassing dad moment," and I was like, "Really? I'm now embarrassing because of the way I dance?" 

The Evster: As if the soul patch wasn't enough, now it's the dancing. You can't win. 

Charles Baker: That's all right, I'm okay with not doing Dancing with the Stars. My wife wants me to do Knife Fight, some new cooking show that's never coming out. I know nothing about it other than the name, but she made it very clear that she wants me to be on that show. And you know what? I've been pretty smart, I kinda convinced my wife and family that TV, like, that's my job, so therefore I have to watch good television in order to be a better actor. 

The Evster: Smart, man. Really smart. 

Charles Baker: Yeah, but she watches a bunch of reality. Mostly cooking shows, a bunch of cooking shows. 

The Evster: Top Chef? You guys into Top Chef?

Charles Baker: She is. I mean, if the show was about cooking, I'd watch it, but when it's about the drama instead of the cooking ...

The Evster: I dunno, Top Chef is pretty legit. But hold up, back up a sec, when she's sitting down on the couch, parked in front of the TV watching Top Chef, she doesn't force you and be like, "Yo Chuck, sit down on this couch and watch this show with your wife." You're allowed to go do other things?

Charles Baker: We actually have a great relationship that way. I have my own office that used to be a garage, and that's my man cave.

The Evster: You are living the dream, man. I'm guessing you didn't marry a Jewish woman, because a Jewish woman would never allow that. You would be parked right next to her at all times, like I am. Oh my God, please kill me. What about those kids? Are they watching any annoying stuff? Caillou? They ever get into Caillou? That show is fucking terrible.

Charles Baker: My daughter did for a little while, but we got an extra TV recently, and a play room, so my daughter can go off there and watch whatever she wants. My daughter and I actually have a lot of similar tastes and stuff. The Disney movies. I recently got her The Guardians of the Galaxy? Have you seen that movie?

The Evster: No, I have not.

Charles Baker: DUDE, check that out. I was pretty surprised. That's a pretty fun movie.

The Evster: How 'bout Terrence Malick? She into that? Tree of Life?

Charles Baker: She's not yet into that, but I recently bought a copy of The Princess Bride for my daughter. But I'm still waiting to give it to her, because, for 1: for her to be old enough to appreciate it, and 2: for her to have a sick day, and then I'm gonna break that sucker out and I'm gonna be the greatest dad in the world.

The Evster: What's the appropriate age to introduce that movie to someone? Where someone actually gets it? Is that like 8?

Charles Baker: I think 7 or 8. She's smart enough. She'd probably be kinda close now, but I really, I wanna give her a little more time so she can focus and appreciate it. 

The Evster: You know what I just learned about that Mandy Patankin guy? I don't know if you watch Homeland with your girl Claire Danes?

Charles Baker: No, but I know Mandy Patankin. 

The Evster: Yeah, so he was the dude in Princess Bride. Whatshisname? Domingo Montoya, right?

Charles Baker: Yeah, Inigo Montoya. 

The Evster: That's unbelievable! Wait, so you HAVEN'T seen Homeland? You haven't seen what your girl Claire Danes is doing on Homeland?

Charles Baker: No I haven't watched it yet. With shows like that, I like to wait til there's a enough of episodes to watch and then binge watch it on Netflix or DVDs, so I haven't seen that yet. 

The Evster: She's gonna blow your mind, man. She's not just helping out cows and just, shoo, she is a WOMAN these days. It's ridiculous. 

Charles Baker: She's an awesome woman, too. She's brilliant. We were actually shooting Temple Grandin during the first presidential debate, during Obama's first election, and we used to talk about politics a lot, and Claire Danes used to have the most rational and valid arguments when we were discussing that. 

The Evster: All right, man, so what now? You got some new show that you're excited about, right?

Charles Baker: Yeahhhh, The Blacklist

The Evster: Yeah what's that all about?

Charles Baker: Uh, James Spader is like the FBI's Most Wanted, well, he's like #4 or #5 Most Wanted, not the #1, but he's up there, and he just like, turns himself in. Walks into the FBI office and turns himself in and he does it with what he calls a Blacklist. And he's like, "I've got this list, this Blacklist of criminals that you didn't even know they exist, and they're worse than any of these guys on your list, and I wanna help you catch them." 

The Evster: By the way, all you had to say was James Spader and my wife was in, she will watch that show. Done. That's all she needs to hear. She lovvvvvves that dude. 

Charles Baker: That's how they got me to be in it. They were like, "Heyyy uhhh, we got this show called The Blacklist with uhh, James Spader, you wanna audition?" and I was like, "Hell yeah!" And when they offered me the job, they were like, "Well, we know you're in LA and we're shootin' it in New York and it's just the pilot, so we're not gonna even fly you out here or put you up, do you still want to be in it?" and I was like, "Hell yeah I still wanna be in that show." So I flew myself out and put myself up, and damned if I'm not still in the show. 

The Evster: So what kinda role do you play in the show?

Charles Baker: I play his driver / confidante. If he were Batman, I would be Alfred. It's a cool role for me. If you see the premiere, I'm actually the very first line in the premiere. "Must be good to be home again, sir." I play a very proper kind of butler kind of guy. Originally he was called The Man in the Grey Flannel Suit, but now he's just called Grey.

The Evster: All right man, well cool. Anything else you wanna touch on? I really appreciate you coming on and talking to me. 

Charles Baker: Hey, yeah, no problem. No, not that I can think of. 

The Evster: Well thank you so much, Charles. I really appreciate it. 

Charles Baker: All right, take it easy. Good talking to you, Evan.

Yo, huge shout out to Charles Baker for doing this. Very nice and cool dude. Be sure to follow him on Twitter @CharlesEBaker. Would you do that please? Would you just do that for your old pal, The Evster? It'd mean a lot to me. THIS IS A HUMAN BEING WHO ACTUALLY AGREED TO BE INTERVIEWED ON THIS BLORG. So follow that dude. Or you could follow me @TVMWW. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, just check out this picture of a really cute squirrel eating pizza. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Wednesday's Wifey: Aaron Paul's aka Jesse Pinkman's Wife, Lauren

Check out Michael Dukakis creeping in the background. 

I have a friend named the Ice Man who is constantly posting pictures on the internet of him and his girlfriend holding hands and kissing and having fun and it is honestly WEIRD / borderline disgusting. Up until now, I always thought Ice and his girl were the two most lovey-duvvey people on earth, but now after researching Aaron Paul (aka Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Borbs) and his wife, Lauren, I might have to rethink that last statement. The Pauls are absolutely GAGA for each other. They're always tweeting sweet messages to each other and making out in public and now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I missed my wife's birthday last week.

Regardless, let's get to know Lauren Paul (nee Parsekian), this Wednesday's Wifey.


Okay, I get it, you're on the red carpet and cameramen are barking at you to mush your nose into your wife's ear, so you do it, and it looks cute, and her skin smells nice, and frankly she has very nosemushable ears. But look at Lauren's pelvis (or where her pelvis would be if this cameraman panned down a little bit), she is absolutely 100% trying to grind her oats into her husband's crotch.

And I guess some people might see that as nice gesture, and others (like myself) might find it very, very arousing, but I do not know one married couple (except for those weirdos on HBO Real Sex) who are this comfortable showing affection to each other in broad daylight.

Another prime example of a totally normal-looking picture that is secretly WEIRD. This is an Instagrammed photo taken by Lauren of her husband standing under a tree. Now you would think that the caption for this photo would be something like, "Aaron standing under a super fucking awesome tree!" Or "We're having a great time in New Mexico! Check out how fucking awesome this tree is!" Nope. Lauren's caption was: "My perfect valentine," with a little heart emoticon added for effect. This is what I'm talking about people. This is WEIRD.

Okay, the Pauls aren't all lovey-duvvey all the time. Sometimes they do normal things like try on hats. I really like that Lauren is wearing this Batman hat, if in fact she is wearing it ironically. I think she's wearing it ironically. Good God I hope she's wearing that hat ironically. Then again, these people live in Hollywood, so you can never be too sure what the hell they're doing with themselves.

When you're a super famous Hollywood couple, sometimes you have to pose for pictures with annoying fans. But in this case, the Pauls are posing with an even MORE super famous Hollywood couple, Los Angeles Clipper Chris Paul and his Pittsburgh Pirates-loving boyfriend. Kind of weird though that CP3's boyfriend couldn't put down his precious Bud Light bottle for the single greatest photo opportunity of his life?

Another weird thing about this picture: Why is 6-time NBA All Star point guard, Chris Paul, wearing a Lob Angeles t-shirt? Not exactly trying to hide the fact that he's 6-time NBA All Star point guard Chris Paul. A little self-serving if you ask me. I mean, c'mon 6-time NBA All Star point guard Chris Paul, that's ridiculous. You don't have to wear your team's merchandise when you're out in public. That's like the equivalent of Mario Lopez wearing a giant doorknob costume on the set of Extra.

More posing with people. Although this time Aaron does not seem nearly as happy to be with these strangers as he did with 6-time NBA All Star point guard Chris Paul. 

Hard to say who my favorite person in this shot is. The guy in the way back who definitely sings in an a capella group? Or the Kurt Warner lookalike directly behind the Pauls, clearly standing on his tippy-toes to get in the shot? Naw, I think the real winner here, the real "oh my God look at that dude he's a real dude" in this particular photograph, is Captain Sun Tan Lotion on the far right hand side. Between his Ed Hardy button-down and that bulging blood vessel in his neck, he is the most amazing human being I have ever seen in my life.

All right, enough of Jesse Pinkman, let's focus on Lauren. Here she is with that guy from that television show and some other lady who has some REALLY dark lipstick on. Don't get me wrong, I like her lipstick, I really do, all 347 layers of it, but I can't get over the fact that her glasses are not pushed up on her nose. If she just edged those jawns up a littttttttle bit higher on her bridge, she'd look sooooo much better. 

Look, I'm sorry that I happen to be the most critical person on the planet, but it would just take one little index finger pushing those glasses up, and then wammo! cover of Penthouse

Once again, another person whose glasses are sliding down his nose. At first I thought this was a homeless person with Lauren, then I thought it was Frankie Muniz, turns out it's Jack Osborne, who may or may not be homeless. Also, I'm not exactly sure if that is in fact Lauren Paul.

In Lauren's free time, she volunteers or works or does something for the Kind Campaign. I don't exactly know what this is (because quite honestly I didn't feel like doing the research), but I'm pretty sure the Kind Campaign does something to help out underprivileged children. IF THAT IS THE CASE, then what I say what in the world is that lady in the pink doing?!?! 

VERY inappropes. 

Granted, it's super duper hot and I'd love for her to dig those heels deeeeeeep into my chest cavity, but still, c'mon lady, how bout rockin' a pants suit for once in your life. 

(For the record, my wife and I are currently seven episodes deep into the first season of Homeland, and I have never, ever, ever seen a person wear more pants suits than Clare Danes.)

Back to the lovebirds! 

I have no idea what's going on with Aaron's hat here, but I feel like he might be absolutely hammered. I think I'm back to liking them.  

Just a couple of newlyweds walking down the street GOOD GOD LOOK HOW ENORMOUS THAT GUY IN THE BACKGROUND IS. 

So despite the public displays of affection and the ear-mushing and the volunteer work and being friends with CAPTAIN SUN TAN LOTION, I think I actually like Lauren (and Aaron) Paul. I mean, c'mon, that's a pretty dope headdress. And for a major Hollywood celebrity's wife, she doesn't seem to wear that much makeup.

Also ...

Snorkel babes!

For the record, Chris Paul is like my 8th favorite Clipper.

By the by, I've got a super secret (not that secret) Breaking Bad blorgpost in the works that's gonna be bing bong bing-a-ling bong bling-blang BONKERS. Look for it soon. Or just check out the World's Biggest Meatball. That's what I'd do.

Doc Chicken Y'all

He's a doctor.

In honor of the one and only Dr. Pizza publicly endorsing TVMWMWMWMWM on Twitter today, I thought I'd post this video from the Eric Andre Show where Eric interviewed Tatyana Ali. It's a must-watch and features a special appearance from Doc Chicken.

Thank you and have a blessed day.

And yes I'm aware that this has absolutely nothing to do with TV my wife watches, but it should be noted that my wife appreciates the comedic stylings of Eric Andre, Hannibal Buress, Doc Chicken and Dwight Gooden.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Breaking Bad S:5 Ep: 10 - Something About a Car Wash?

I never noticed Walter was bald. 

It's amazing that it took television producers so long to greenlight a show about a guy who owns a car wash. I mean looking back, it's like, wow, a car wash is such an amazing and obvious backdrop for a show -- the crazy cast characters who come through, the cars, THE SUDS -- so thank God the people at AMC had the confidence to go forward with Breaking Bad. Now, as we get closer and closer to the end of the series, each episode heats up with more sizzling hot, soaking wet, sweet car wash action.

Last night was no exception. Let's go back and revisit the latest episode.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Breaking Borbs: S:5 Ep:9 Blood Money

Those waffle shirts with the buttons in front are actually very in right now. 

During a standard ep of Breaking Bad, I will ask my wife no fewer than 47 questions a minute.

ME:  Oh my God, why is Walter going to Jesse's house?

MY WIFE:  I dunno.

ME:  Do you think he's gonna kill Jesse?


ME:  I think he's gonna kill him. Do you think he's gonna kill him?

MY WIFE:  Let's watch and find out.

ME:  Do you think he's gonna kill him though?

MY WIFE: That's three times now that you've asked me the same question.

ME:  So whaddya think?

MY WIFE:  Okay, that's four. And the answer is still no.

ME:  I think he will. You know, keep your friends close, your enemies closer.

MY WIFE:  Yeah that doesn't even come close to making sense.

ME:  Which guy is Jesse again?

Amazingly, my wife finds this very annoying. So annoying in fact that she has recently implemented the Three-Pause Rule, which allows me to pause the show no more than three times an ep so I can ask her what's going on. This past Sunday, I used two of my pauses to make popcorn and the other to ask her if I was going to have to sleep on the couch. So now, four days after the show aired, I'm still left with many, many unanswered questions. Luckily, I have a blog, so hopefully together we can DIG DEEP into some of Breaking Bad's MOST BURNING HOT SIZZLIN' AND DRIZZLIN' SLAM 'EM BAM 'EM RIP ROARIN' questions.

First question!

Why in the world would Walt and Skyler open a car wash that is NOT a drive-thru?

Everyone knows that a drive-thru car wash is the closest thing adults have to a Six Flags. It's so much fun: the water-blasting, the suds, the Snuffaluffagus noses dangling onto your hood. And nothing makes me feel more like a STONED COLD MOTOR HEAD than sliding my front left wheel right in between those rails at the start. Sometimes I'll even talk to myself after getting my wheel in there, pretending there's someone in my passenger seat, "Yo, did you see me drive right in there? One take, homey, one take! Now let's get neutralized!" And then I'll slam my gear shift into neutral and get scared that I hurt my car in some way.

Obviously you should never purchase the most expensive wash (that's just ridiculous), but you should make sure to get one that offers HOT WAX just so you can see the HOT WAX sign light up at the end. I don't even think there's any hot wax that actually drips onto you car, nor do I understand how HOT WAX can help clean something, but that sign is undeniably erotic. Unfortunately, Walt and Skyler have chosen to open a stupid get-out-of-your-car car wash, which can't possibly make them enough money to launder, and is a subtle message from Vince Gilligan that Walter is not the mastermind foolproof criminal he makes himself out to be. Also the whole part where they show that Walt leaves the book of poems on the toilet and has to escape to New Hampshire and gets his house condemned and all that, but also the non-drive-thru car wash.

Dead giveaway!

This is what I meant by Snuffaluffagus noses. 
Doesn't really look anything like his nose, does it?

What the hell is up with that Lydia lady? She needs to CALM DOWN. 

Dude, I understand that Lydia's got access to Glythozlorocylene and has nice smooth shins and connections all around the world, but I highly doubt that Gus would've wanted to do business with a woman who has more nervous energy than a Wheel of Forch contestant. I mean, maybe, mayyybbeeee she had her shit together when Gus's business was running smoothly, but ever since they introduced her on the show, she has raised my blood pressure up around 13 notches.

Speaking of:

Hey Evster, why the freak did it take you four whole days to get a Breaking Bad blog post up?

First of all, shut up. Secondly, blogging takes time. Thirdly (if you must know), I had to go to the HOSPITAL on Tuesday, because I was having chest pains. And before you're like "OMG you're so neurotic, no 36-yr-old has chest pains," I did, and the doctors diagnosed me with pericarditis, a virus that causes inflammation around the heart. Whatever, it's fine, I'm fine, but I've just been dealing with some annoying pericarditis symptoms, which according to are:

- Sharp, stabbing chest pain in the left side of your chest 
- Lowgrade fever
- An overall sense of weakness and fatigue


It's okay, at least I got to lay back and watch TV. Nope! Because another symptom is:

- Shortness of breath while reclining

Here's the last little symptom I'll hit ya with -- this one goes out to all those lovely readers who emailed me asking, "DUDE! HOW HARD IS IT TO WRITE ONE STUPID BLOG POST A WEEK?"

- At times, it may be difficult to distinguish pericadial pain from the pain that occurs with a HEART ATTACK.

But onto your precious blog post!

I've never understood why anyone would ever want to sit on the floor. 

What was that Star Trek conversation with Skinny Pete and Badger all about? That had to mean something, right? Why else would they put it in there? And are those guys going to get their own spin-off sitcom or what?

I don't know what the freak those dudes were talking about. I don't ever know what they're talking about. Spock making someone's stomach explode and barfing all over the place? My guess is that this is some sort of foreshadowing and that maybe Walt will give that ricin cigarette to someone, causing them to puke all over themselves and die. This might be the first logical, thought-out hypothesis in the history of TVMWMWMWMWMWMW.

Also, no biggie, just typing these words while feeling like at any moment my heart might EXPLODE.

Which scene was better? The opening jawn when Walt returned to his house? Or the final confrontation between Walt and Hank?

Tough call! But I'm going with the opening scene. I know, I know, the final scene was bonkers, and lots of TV recappers pointed out this week that it's very rare for a show not to drag out a confrontation of that magnitude over many, many episodes, but I feel like the opening scene just roped you right back in. From the initial close shots of the skateboarders -- where after five seconds everyone was like, "YO, THAT'S THE WHITE'S POOL!" -- to Walt returning and seeing his house condemned, to the "Hello, Carol" line, I mean, what a brilliant way to start the seez. I think I'm just a sucker for those present day scenes. I want as much present day action as I can get. When I watch Intervention, I just wanna see the end credits when it tells you how the meth addict is doing NOW. When I have to pause a ballgame and fall behind the live action, I need to GET LIVE. Now with Breaking Bad, I just wanna figure out WHICH GUY IS JESSE?

Silver lining to me almost having a heart attack this week: we're now that much closer to the next episode!


The next edition of TVMWMWMWMWM's mailborg post is coming up soon. So send in your questions and comments to I promise to answer any and all responses. Or just check out this nice birdie. He's really nice.

Twitttaaaaaaaa: @TVMWW

Monday, August 12, 2013

Songs My Wife's Husband Listens To: "My Girl" by Madness

Fellas (and ladies), I discovered a great song this weekend: "My Girl" by the British band, Madness, (the same group who sang "Our House"). This song was originally released in 1979 (so I'm only 34 years late on this one) but it really struck a chord with me, especially the lyrics (which I copied below for your reading pleasure).

Now I MUST state for the record that I love my wife very, very much and feel as if she is a very patient and understanding woman, but still wanted to dedicate this jawn to all the fellas out there whose ladies be drawlin' on the reg.

My girl's mad at me
I didn't wanna see the film tonight
I found it hard to say
She thought I'd had enough of her

Why can't she see
She's lovely to me?
But I like to stay in
And watch TV on my own
Every now and then

My girl's mad at me
Been on the telephone for an hour
We hardly said a word
I tried and tried but I could not be heard

Why can't I explain?
Why do I feel this pain?
'Cause everything I say
She doesn't understand
She doesn't realise
She takes it all the wrong way

My girl's mad at me
We argued just the other night
I thought we'd got it straight
We talked and talked until it was light

I thought we'd agreed
I thought we'd talked it out
Now when I try to speak
She says that I don't care
She says I'm unaware

And now she says I'm weak

Calm down ladies. Tracey Ullman retaliated for all of you, recording a cover called "My Guy" in 1984. Watch and listen to that jawn here