|All aboard the S.S. Milkbutt.|
Matthew Weiner can suck so many butts. I'm not sure how many exactly -- could be 100? could be 1,000? -- but after this stunt he pulled this week, duping his audience into thinking something MEGA BALONEY BONKERS was gonna happen, but then not delivering, he can seriously suck at least 300 butts.
You see, in the preview-blurb-thingie before this week's episode, it read: "Roger is plagued by a recurring dream. Joan goes to the beach." Now, I want you to read that last part again, just in case you were busy sucking like 12 butts while skimming this post.
"Roger is plagued by a recurring dream. JOAN GOES TO THE BEACH."
|THIS IS A BEACH!|
Didn't happen, Weener!
First of all, Joan didn't even go near the beach, she simply packed for the beach. And to be honest, if Weener had advertised Joan packing for the beach, and then showed Joan packing for the beach, I woulda been happy and still VERY EXCITED, but we didn't even really get to see that! We just saw her zip up her bag for the beach, because Weener was too busy sucking his own butt!
When one reads "Joan goes to the beach," we expect to see A MILKY WHITE BUTT, and a woman slapping the elastic of her bathing suit and making a VERY LOUD NOISE, but noooooooooo, that's apparently NOT what Matthew WEENER thinks.
And it's obviously WEENER and not WHINER!
The rest of the episode was friggin' fantastic, tho -- with Don Drapes getting it on again with Betty, Peggy STABBING HER BOYFRIEND WITH A HOMEMADE SWORD, and Harry Crane sucking like 700 butts -- and the past few eps have been great too -- with Don Drapes making that Freaks and Geeks lady crawl on all fours, Ken Cosgrove's Mr. Peanut dance, and 12-year-old Don Drapes getting a handie from that prostitute -- but I still wanted to hear some elastic slappin'!
Also, did Roger even have any recurring dreams? I don't remember Roger having any recurring dreams.
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE PERSON WHO WRITES YOUR BLURBS, WEENER?
I NEED ANSWERS, GODDAMMIT.
I NEED SOME ANSWERS, TENDER SATISFANDERS.
Dude, there's too much on TV these days: NBA playarfs, Game of Frones, Da Bachelorette, Real Housewizzles of New Jerz comes back Sundee night, Arrested Develz, Christopher Guest has a new show on HBO, Antiques Roadshow is on all the time, I CAN'T HANDLE IT! So to calm myself down, I've attached a very, very, very nice and relaxing picture of seven white women doing the flutter foot on the beach.