Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Mad Men's Wearhouse: Matthew Weiner Can #SMB All Day Every Day

All aboard the S.S. Milkbutt.

Matthew Weiner can suck so many butts. I'm not sure how many exactly -- could be 100? could be 1,000? -- but after this stunt he pulled this week, duping his audience into thinking something MEGA BALONEY BONKERS was gonna happen, but then not delivering, he can seriously suck at least 300 butts.

You see, in the preview-blurb-thingie before this week's episode, it read: "Roger is plagued by a recurring dream. Joan goes to the beach." Now, I want you to read that last part again, just in case you were busy sucking like 12 butts while skimming this post.

"Roger is plagued by a recurring dream. JOAN GOES TO THE BEACH."

THIS IS A BEACH!

Didn't happen, Weener!

Didn't!

Happen!

First of all, Joan didn't even go near the beach, she simply packed for the beach. And to be honest, if Weener had advertised Joan packing for the beach, and then showed Joan packing for the beach, I woulda been happy and still VERY EXCITED, but we didn't even really get to see that! We just saw her zip up her bag for the beach, because Weener was too busy sucking his own butt!

When one reads "Joan goes to the beach," we expect to see A MILKY WHITE BUTT, and a woman slapping the elastic of her bathing suit and making a VERY LOUD NOISE, but noooooooooo, that's apparently NOT what Matthew WEENER thinks.

And it's obviously WEENER and not WHINER!

The rest of the episode was friggin' fantastic, tho -- with Don Drapes getting it on again with Betty, Peggy STABBING HER BOYFRIEND WITH A HOMEMADE SWORD, and Harry Crane sucking like 700 butts -- and the past few eps have been great too -- with Don Drapes making that Freaks and Geeks lady crawl on all fours, Ken Cosgrove's Mr. Peanut dance, and 12-year-old Don Drapes getting a handie from that prostitute -- but I still wanted to hear some elastic slappin'!

Also, did Roger even have any recurring dreams? I don't remember Roger having any recurring dreams.

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE PERSON WHO WRITES YOUR BLURBS, WEENER?

I NEED ANSWERS, GODDAMMIT.

I NEED SOME ANSWERS, TENDER SATISFANDERS.





Dude, there's too much on TV these days: NBA playarfs, Game of Frones, Da Bachelorette, Real Housewizzles of New Jerz comes back Sundee night, Arrested Develz, Christopher Guest has a new show on HBO, Antiques Roadshow is on all the time, I CAN'T HANDLE IT! So to calm myself down, I've attached a very, very, very nice and relaxing picture of seven white women doing the flutter foot on the beach.




9 comments:

  1. take this off the internet this is really astounding that the webmaster would allow this kind of filth on a page such as thia. delete

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    Replies
    1. omg tell me something i don't knows!

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  2. is this available in large print? I'm blind. Thanks, Angel H.

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  3. The blurb writer should be fired 10,000 times. Here's what I think happened:

    Int. CHAZ'S bedroom. Focus on digital clock flashing "6:49 AM, 5/26/13" (it's a big clock). Phone rings. CHAZ'S hand fumbles for phone.

    BLAINE (over phone): Chaz! Tell me you have that Mad Men blurb ready to go today.

    CHAZ: Wha? Mad libs?

    BLAINE: Yes, Chaz! Mad Men! Ohhhh brother. The network guys couldn't have been clearer with us last week. We're both gonna have hell to pay if we miss just one more blurb deadline! And this week was your week!

    CHAZ: Oh, Mad Men! Mad Men! Of course! Of course I did it, Blaine. It's on its way. (Chaz jumps out of bed, starts pulling on his pants, hopping around on one leg, then the other.) Attaching ... it ... to ... an ... email ... as ... we ... speak ...

    Cut to: CHAZ in a dimly lit basement conference room at network HQ, frantically fast forwarding through last week's episode of Mad Men. He stops briefly at the scene with Roger in bed, hears the word "nightmares," scribbles something on a piece of paper and then stuffs a handful of Cheetos in his mouth. Pencil between his teeth, he fast forwards again to the scene with Joan dressed as naughty maritime lawyer, pauses it long enough to hear her say, "we're going to the beach," bangs something out on his laptop, hits send, then colllapses in a heap on the floor.

    Cut to: Millions of innocent Americans, tears rolling down their faces as they begin to make sense of the recap they are reading at TVMWW.blogspeck.com - Hey, this idiot's right! Roger never had any recurring dreams and we never. got. to. see. Joan. at. the. fucking. beach.

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    Replies
    1. I see you Sara Circs. RIP to those millions of innocent Americans who read this blogspeck.

      Delete
    2. More effort put into that comment than ANYTHING EVER WRITTEN ON THIS GODDAMN SHAM OF A WEBSITE.

      OMG JK THAT COMMENT SUCKED LOL

      Delete