Monday, April 29, 2013

Game of Frones Recap-a-Lapp-a-Dapp with Special Guest: Mr. Froggington

Ugh, this could be a difficult post to write today, because I was really sleepy while watching Game of Frogs last night, took very few notes and didn't really pay attention during the scenes when people were talking. (I was however LOCKED IN to the scenes featuring bare butts. And there were a lot of 'em!) So because of my sleepiness, I've asked my good pal and TV expert, Mr. Froggington, to help me give out the Best Game of Frones Momes.

Ready to do this, Mr. Froggington?


Most Bonkers Mome

EVSTER: I thought long and hard about this, Mr. Froggington, because even though last night's episode was kinda boring (need more Khaleesi!), it still had plenty of bonkers momes: Jon Snizzle losing his virginity (and performing cannalingus!), Jamie Lanns showin' off his balls (nice droopers!) and the introduction of a lady who collects dead babies (totally normal!). But I'm giving this week's award for the Most Bonkers Mome to the final scene, when Old Man Lannister told the midget and Whatsherface that they had to marry those people who they didn't wanna marry!

This is going to sound strange coming from a person who lacks very basic human emotions, but I found myself actually caring about the midget and that other lady in that mome! So now midget man has to marry Sourpuss McGee?!?! And Whatsherface has to marry a gay dude?!?! Sad for them! Do you think they'll go through with it, Mr. Froggington? Do frogs ever have arranged marriages? How are you able to type on a keyboard? With your feet? Oh, I've missed you so much, Mr. Froggington! You're a nice frog!

MR. FROGGINGTON: Look, I love talking about butts, boobs and dead babies as much as the next frog, but by far the most bonkers mome is the fact that I'm a frog and I'm actually typing on a computer. And I'm using correct punctuashe! That's pretty bonkers! Way more bonkers than any butt. Well, not any butt. Did you see the Lezbot's butt last night?! That was a nice butt!

Nicest Butt

EVSTER: On a night where Game of Butts might've set the record for most bare butts, there were a lot of butts to choose from: Jon Snow's butt (bleached butt), Angie Everhart Jr.'s butt (not a bad butt!), Jamie Lanns' butt (dirty butt!), young gay guy's butt (super duper smooth butt) and Lezbot's butt (BY FAR THE BEST BUTT). Dude, did you see her butt?!?! I was not expecting her butt to be so round and butt-like! I'm very happy for her that she has such a nice butt.

MR. FROGGINGTON: I just said she had a nice butt! Do you even read what I write? I'm a frog! You need to edit my work!

I seriously want a woman to beat the shit out of me. 

Saddest Mome

EVSTER: Why would I put the "Saddest Mome" award right after "Nicest Butt"? This post had some nice momentum goin', we were talking about butts, and now we have to switch gears to Saddest Mome? Ugh, I really need your help with this blogblog, Mr. Froggington. My brother told me this weekend that he tried to read one of my Frones posts and couldn't even get through the first paragraph. And that each post needs to be trimmed by around 75%. And also that I should pay more attention to my nephew. That's probably the Saddest Mome. 

MR. FROGGINGTON: Stop feeling sorry for yourself you fat butt! Your blog is fine! I mean, I don't read it, I'm a frog goddammit, but there's some people out there (lookin' at you, @Kunk7) who seem to really enjoy it. So shut up, get yourself a new butt and stop whining. PS my nephew was eaten by a fish when he was only three minutes old so don't tell me about saddest momes!

Nice job, lady!

Storyline that is Borrrinnnggggggggg

EVSTER: Ugh, what the freak was that lady with the baby jars talking about before she showed us her baby jars? That scene woulda been so much better if she was just like, "Hi, I'm a lady. I keep babies in jars," and then taken a baby out of jar and showed us its butt. You ever been to the Mütter Museum

MR. FROGGINGTON: No I've never been to the Mutter Museum, I'm a frog. And how the freak did you get that umlaut above the "u" in "Mutter"?

EVSTER: Option Ü, dawg!

MR. FROGGINGTON: I'm a frog! 

EVSTER: Option Ü, frog!


Mome Where I Had to Pause the Show and Ask My Wife Questions Because I Get Confused About Stuff

EVSTER: After Jamie Lanns took that bubble bath and told that dumb story (omg that story was longer than any TVMWWMWMW post). Although by the end of the story I realized that it was probably a really interesting story and my wife yelled at me 'cuz she knew I wasn't listening. I was so scared to ask her to pause it that I didn't even ask her to explain it to me until the end of the show. But ughghhhh, there was so much talking! And how was I supposed to concentrate right after seeing Jamie's balls? I love bubble baths, by the way. I need to start taking more bubblers. 

MR. FROGGINGTON: I totally understand what your brother is talking about. Dude, no one cares about your desire to take more bubblers! That's actually not true, I do care. I'm sorry. I'm just a little wound up this morning, because I'm a frog and I have trouble living in a world where foxes and snakes are constantly trying to eat me. 

This Week's Mome That Reminds Me That I Would Not Survive One Day in Game of Fronesville

EVSTER: Jamie Lanns' hand surgery! Ugh, I currently have two band-aids on my belly -- one from a biopsy of a mole that was sliced off last week at da dermotologist, and the other from where the band-aid from my biopsy ripped my skin off -- and they're really painful! Every morning my wife has to help me put my band-aids on because they get stuck to my fingers and I end up wasting like four band-aids. 

MR. FROGGINGTON: Ugh, that reminds me, I gotta make a dermatologist appointment. How do I do that? I'm a frog.

Oh My God Is There Anything Else We Need to Talk About???

EVSTER: I completely forgot about the full frontal!!!

MR. FROGGINGTON: That was a nice front!

EVSTER: Was it? I couldn't really tell!

MR. FROGGINGTON: Me neith! But I appreciate all fronts!

EVSTER: Game of Fronts!

MR. FROGGINGTON: Awesome blog, dawg!

EVSTERThanks, frog!

So this Lil Dicky video above is really funny. Like, really really funny, and good, and has like a million YouTube views. It was made by this dude who used to be a camper of one of my coworkers at one of those Jewish summer camps where kids learn how to French kiss at like 8 years old. I never went to one of those camps and feel like my ability to make out with chicks was greatly stunted. Of course I made up for that later when I realized I had a mega cock. Anyway, watch the vid. Or don't, and just read my previous post with Mr. Froggington here. Or just check out this picture of me disrobing at the dermatologist's office. Warning: IT'S SEXY AS HELL AND YOUR TITS MAY EXPLODE.


  1. Hey Ev, it's your most loyal reader ever, Kunk. Just wondering how it's possible Mr. Froggington gets two callabo-posts before I get one?



    1. Mr. Froggington can do whatever the hell he wants. He's a hustla, ask about him.

  2. I perplexed as to why you even write the bongington recaps. I think this lil-dicky video might be the best thing ever posted on this site. Fo reals, Kunk-dawg got some legit gripes for no collabo jawns and some amphib got to strut his stuff not once but twice.



    2. Excuse me, I think you have your caps lock on, OR NOW WE NEED TO YELL IN THE COMMENTS SECTSH????



  3. Replies
    1. Best damn commenter in the biz. Legit.

    2. Essentially just the four of us having a little group chat.

      Hi guyz.