Thursday, March 28, 2013

Game of Frones: Season 3 Preview Now with More Frones!

I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON IN THIS SHOW!!!

Oh my God, shutttttt uppppppppp.

Whatever you're doing or saying doesn't matter because as of this Sundee, GAME OF FRONES IS BACKKKKKK!!! If you don't watch Game of Frones then you are SO DUMB and SO FAT and need to SHUTTTTT UPPPPPPP for like 5 minutes of your STUPID, DUMB, FAT LIFE, OH MY GOD DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING IT'S HONESTLY DISTURBING.

Of course, Frones hasn't been on for the longest time, so like you, I have absolutely no idea where the show left off. BUT HAVE NO FEAR faithful dumb, fat TVMWWWWMMW readers, together, you (a fat dumb jerk) and me (a sexual ASSASSIN), will spend the next 5 minutes together trying to recall what the freak was going on. And no, we're not gonna go back and rewatch clips from the old seez, and we're not gonna #GoogSearch anything, we're just gonna pick a few main characters and see what comes to mind.

Ready?

WHO CARES!

YOU ARE THE FATTEST DUMBEST PERSON I'VE EVER SEEEENNNNNNNN.

Is that a Le Car?

The Midget Guy -- Okay, okay, let's see, last I remember he shot some mega atomic lava bomb at some ships and blew up the ocean. GREAT move by the way, but SAD FOR THE FISHIES. Then I think someone took a knife and cut his face off. That's ALSO SAD. I liked his face, even though it's well, y'know, one of those faces. I also think the Midget Guy might've been banished from THE REALM, but he still has his whore girlfriend who seems to be a very very very nice woman and nothing like the DISGUSTING, FAT, WONDERFUL whores who I have given my DECENT, HARD-EARNED PAYCHECKS TO TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT I ASK YOU? Honestly, I don't like the direction this blog is starting off on, but I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. This show is BONKERSSSSSSSSS.

Dragon Lady -- Ughghhghghghgh, the dragon egg stuff is the one storyline from GAME OF FRONES that I think is just dumbbbbbbbb, very similar to how I feel about youuuuuuuuuuuuu and your fattttttttttt, disgustinggggggggg, dummmbbbb butttttttttttt. I mean, I love Khaleesi (who also happens to be dating Seth MacFarlane in real life SHOUT OUT @SARACIRCS FOR BRINGING THAT TO MY ATTENSH), and I loved seeing her bare-skinned yorblers in the first seez, but all that dragon stuff is stupid / kind of amazinggggggggggggg!!! So now she has legit dragons??? And is sailing across the ocean or something??? Which I believe is something that KAI DRABLAK would NOT have approved of, BECAUSE HIS HORSIES WERE SCARED OF THE WATER, but he's dead, remember? And some guys ate his heart or something OH MY GAWD WHAT THE FREAK IS THIS SHOW TALKING ABOUT I HONESTLY HOPE THEY HAVE ANOTHER SCENE WHERE KHALEESI WASHES HER FRESH, GOLDEN, DISGUSTING HAIR.

John Snow aka THE DUMB VIRJ -- Ughhgghgghghghgh! It was hard enough to watch Sean the Bach be a born again virgj all seez, now we've got to deal with John Snizzle and his dumb, flaccid, underused dork that kept him from protecting THE REALM. Ugh, he's so dumb and got captured by that redheaded jawn who led him to Kamala the Ugandan Headhunter and get ready for this, are you ready for this, my wife actually finds John Snizzy to be VERY attractive. UGHGHGHGHGGHHHH. I think it's because he's just a dumb, fat, disgusting virgj and she wants to teach him THE WAYS OF THE WORLD because my wife is VERY VERY COMPASSIONATE and knows a thing or two about this world ifyaknowwhaimean!

HEY GUYZ, BY THE BY, WHADDYA THINK OF THIS NEW WRITING STYLE? I'M HOPPED UP ON SO MUCH COCAINE RIGHT NOW JK NO I'M NOT JK YES I AM OMG NO I'M NOT I'M A NICE PERSON SEEMS LIKE A GOOD TIME TO SAY SUCK MY BUTTTTTTTT TO MY GOOD FRIEND @JESSEFEDERMAN THOUGH!

In fact, if you consider yourself a true, true, true TVMWMWWMWWW superfan, please please please feel free to go to @JesseFederman and tweet him to SUCK YOUR BUTTTTTTTTTTT.

BACK TO DA FRONES.

HE'S SO MADDDDDDDD ABOUT MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING

Joffrey the King of all Kings! -- Ohhhhhhh, baby, how did it take me this long to talk about THIS GUY? What the freak is he up to right now? Is he gay? I kinda remember him being gay, like, didn't he jam a musket into a lady's WHOA THERE EVSTER, but that happened, right? I'm not making that up. Wow, what a sick, twisted perv. Normally I would applaud such behaviour -- NO I WOULDN'T, CALM DOWN. By the way, my worf was NOT happy that I wrote about putting an actual human woman into a cage the other week, BUT WHAT'S DONE IS DONE, RIGHT? WHY WOULD ANYBODY BE INTERESTED IN READING THIS BLOG? ONLY THE FATTEST, DUMBEST, MOST FAT DUMB PERSON WOULD'VE READ THIS FAR.

Who else is on this show??? -- Jamie Lanns, he's a person, right? I think he's free. And oh! There's that mega lezbot lady! I wonder if she'll get to fuhhhhccccckkkkkk anyone this seez. And then there's the little shitbag who can't walk, he's a shitbag. NO HE'S NOT. HE'S SO SWEET. And his sister, she's the greatest! Not the dumb one who's married to Joff, the other one who practices sword fighting and shit. OH, AND THERE'S THE GUY WHOSE FACE CHANGES. HOLY SHITTTTTTTTT. AND HE HELPED WHATSHERNAME GET OUTTA THE CASTLE. THAT GUY WAS AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. And ready for this? My wife thinks that actually might be her sword fighting teacher! And I don't know why that's exciting but it is!

ARE ... YOU ... READY ... FOR ... THIS ... FUCKING SHOW ... I'M ... SO ... READY ... OH ... MY ... GOD ... LET'S ... ALL ... FUCK ... YOU'RE ... HONESTLY ... SO ... FUCKING ... DUMB ... BUT ... I ... LOVE ... ALL ... OF ... YOU ... NOT ... YOU ... THOUGH ... @MEECHONE ... CUZ ... YOU ... BAILED ... ON ... ME ... JK ... YOU'RE COOL ... EVERYONE'S COOL ... LETS ... ALL ... GO ... TO ... A ... FUCK ... PALACE ... GOTTA ... BE ... ONE ... IN ... SOUTH ... JERZ ... SOMEWHERE ... RIGHT?

HOLY SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE WHITE WALKERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

WES WELKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!







Dog, if you want MORE MORE MORE Game of Frones posts, here are all my jawns from last seez. And if you want something that doesn't suck nearly as hard, here's a picture of the two cutest goddamn giraffes you'll ever see.

2 comments:

  1. biggest butt post ever!!!! thank god for the giraffes, although a steph graff would've worked too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THOSE WERE REALLY NICE GIRAFFES

      GIRAFFES.COM

      Delete