Monday, September 24, 2012

The 64th Annual Boob Convention

Thanks for coming to the convention ladies,
you can pick up your boob-tags right over there!

Last night in Los Angeles, they held the 64th annual Boob Convention.

Television's brightest and biggest boobs came out for a boob-studded affair full of boobs and other boobs. And of course, your favourite blog, Boobs My Wife's Husband Watches is here to boob about it.

Also, it should be made clear that just because you write a blog about boobs, that does not make you a boob expert ... but having an ENORMOUS PENIS certainly helps.

Let's get right to the first award of the evening:

Softest, Roundest, Nicest Boobs in a Comedy
(or show attempting to be a Comedy)

And the nominees are:

Sofia Vergara - Modern Boobs
Zooey Deschanel - The New Boob
Kat Dennings - Two Broke Boobs (actually, Four Broke Boobs)

Sofia Vergera is the obvious front-runner in the group, but frankly I'm a little sick of her whole "Hey, look at me, I never show anyone my nips" routine. I mean, we get it -- you're latino, you have boobs, you play shortstop -- it's cute, but a career .248 batting average with runners in boob position? C'mon Sofia.  Zooey Desch has surprisingly soft, smooth boobs (or "smooboobs") for a white person. I'd be very interested to find out what kind of boob softener she uses. I'd also be interested in knowing how I can see more of her. What channel is her show on? No one's gonna bother answering that question, I don't know why I asked. Kat Dennings gets extra points for her milky boobs (they're so milky!). There's no reason for her and her roommate to be broke. They could earn plenty of money the old fashioned way ... sell milk!

In all seriousness, selling your boobmilk really is more old fashioned that offering up your va-jang-jang for money. Ask any amish milkslut, she'll tell you.

And the winner issssssssssssss: Kat The Milklady Milklady!

Congratulations!


Not my steez, but I appreciate the effort!

Best Boobs in a Drama 
(or any type of show where they might show full boob)

And the nominees are:

Dragon Lady - Game of Frones
Claire Danes - Homeboob
Christina Hendricks - Mad Membds

If there were a boob lineup and I had to pick out what boob committed a crime, Dragon Lady's boobs are the only ones I could 100% positively identify because she's the only one whose areolas I've actually seen. (Quick tip for anyone who needs to pick a boob out of a lineup: looking at boobs isn't going to help -- you need to sniff the boobs. You're welcome.) Claire Danes's boobs need to calm down. I don't care how many boobs you have (rumours are flying around Hollywood that Claire has seven boobs), there's nothing less attractive than a woman who takes herself too seriously ... except for a woman who has 47 boobs ... that's too many boobs! It's honestly silly that anyone else is even in this category with Christina Hends. I'm sorry for wasting your time. 

And the winner is Christina Hends and her beautiful, exploding boobs.

I'm not yoking right now, look at her head.
Now look at her boobs. 

Now look back at her head.
HER BOOBS ARE BIGGER!

 AND IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HAS A SMALL HEAD. 
SHE HAS A VERY NORMAL SIZED HEAD.

Best Boobs in a TV Movie or Mini-Series
(aka Boobs that no one actually saw, but the people who made these boobs were very proud of their boobs)

And the nominees are:

Christina Hendricks - Hill Street Boobs, the mini-series
Christina Hendricks - V for Vagina not Boobs
Christina Hendricks - Alex Haley's Boobs

Gotta give it to the producers of Hill Street Boobs for putting Xtina into a police uniform and having her fight crime with her boobs. Lots of good, hard-hitting boob action and good-boob/bad-boob dialogue. I give it two boobs up, Boober! That being said, Christina really showed her versatility in V for Vagina not Boobs, playing a lady with alien boobs (she wasn't an alien, she was a human -- but she had alien boobs, much harder role to play). And then there was Alex Haley's Boobs, which allowed us to see Christina with black, sweaty, dirty boobs (my preferred type of boobs).

And the winner isssssssssssssssssssssss:

She's still my favourite!
How have I never seen Glitter?!?!







That might have been the dumbest post I've ever put on this blog. I honestly feel bad. To make it up to you, here's a link to something that's actually funny.




12 comments:

  1. I kinda think this is the best thing you've ever done!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I couldn't make an hour into the Emmy's without snoozing. I guess I didn't get my fair share of boobtastic TV.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Possibly the most boring boob convention in the history of boob conventions.

      I PREFER THE GRAMMY-WHAMMYS!

      Delete
  3. I missed the Emmys bc I decided to go rollerblading and broke my arm in two places and knocked out my front teeth. What 29 year old goes rollerblading?? I wasn't even actually skating - I faceplanted straight from the curb onto the road. God, my life is a joke.

    You should do a post on rollerblading! I hear it's cooler than boobs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know the hardest thing about rollerblading?

      Telling your parents you're gay.

      OH ZOING-ZOING!

      Seriously, what the freak were you doing rollerblading? And how are your typing skills now that your arm's broke? Are you still going to be able to eat apple snauce?

      Delete
  4. My brother in law has a rollerblading company and is always begging me to skate with him. I guess I showed him....

    I have to type with one hand and eat my apple sauce and chicken soup with one hand. Life is extremely difficult for me at this point. I mean, have you ever tried to put on a bra with one hand? It's not easy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I HAVE tried to put on a bra, not with one hand, with two hands and I was unsuccessful.

      I've also tried to stuff an entire bra into my mouth (very successful).

      Delete
  5. Raekwon's verse is by far the best. Method Man needs to calm down, he was maybe the fifth worst actor in The Wire and he's only the ninth best rapper in the Wu-Tang Clan.

    Not one of them rocks a mic like General Bonkers, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is nothing I enjoy more in life than following Raekwon on Twitter ... this is what he tweeted yesterday:

      "In the whip listening to my dude Jaheim, thats my shit."

      THAT'S MY SHIT TOO, RAEKWON! THAT'S MY SHIT TOO!

      Delete
    2. IT'S ALL GRAVY!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv13TCH4Fk4

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete