Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wednesday's Wifey: Márta Károlyi

Lindzi, my darling, I may have just gotten a manicure,
but I will snap your neck like Ceausescue. 

Hey, just because the Bachelorette is over doesn't mean you should be sticking TV Me Weef Wooches in your rearview mirror. My wife lurrrrrvvvvves the Olympics, so expect loads of event coverage right here at the biggest sack of dogshit the internet has to offer.

We're starting our report on London 2012 (why am I saying "we"? no one else is doing anything. this is a one-man operashe.) by highlighting Márta Károlyi, Team Coordinator for USA Gymnastics, wife of the mustachioed Bela, and a woman who has probably whipped more young women with a belt than Chris Breezy.

Let's get to know Márta, or as they say in Romania, "Shlorg'en von soosleheifs!"



Ahhh, the ole headbutt -- a classic Hungarian motivational technique. Márta was born in Hungary ... how's that for research! Also notice how Márta's hands (and freshly manicured nails) are always in prime neck-snapping position. Reminds me of another famous Hungarian warlord, Rickus Mahornus.



Back in the diz, Mahorn didn't need one of those fancy NBA Sleeversons! Just slap a piece of leather on your elbow!

(For the rec, my wife coined the term "Sleeverson" for those things NBA players wear on their arms, after Allen Iverson, the first player to do so.)



Jason Eisenstadt had this shirt in middle school. I was so jealous. I did have a pair of red spandex though (like the ones above) that I'd wear under my basketball shorts. Pretty sure I stole them from my boy Jonny Hitops. Now that I think about it, that's really really disgusting (but it certainly explains my chronic itchy dick syndrome)!



If you google Márta Karolyi you will find that she has her hands on a little girl's neck in EVERY one of her pictures. I find it sort of erotic.



Speaking of erotic!

Actually pretty surprised that a gymnast would have some San Antonio Saggers. I guess that's what happens after you pump out two kids.



While we're going back in time ... WHAT THE HELL IS BUSFIELD LOOKIN' AT?

All right everyone, Timmy, Chuck, G-Man, Other Guy, smile for the camera, ready? 1, 2, Tim? Timothy? Over here buddy, look over ...

"You guys smell waffles? I smell waffles."




Back to the Károlyis!

As we get our first glimpse of Márta's husband, Bela, whose mustache looks even more impressive from the side. Pretty sure Márta is explaining to Bela just how small Timothy Busfield's penis really is.

(That's actually a pretty nice size for a pener.)



This guy is amazing.

LOOK AT THAT JACKET/SHIRT COMBO.



I'm sorry, I found too many gems when searching for Rick and Charles ... and I'm not sure if you can see this too well -- you might have to click on the pic to make it larger -- but can we PLEASE talk about Buzz Braman?!?! 2nd from the right, back row.

WHAT A MUSTACHE/HAIR COMBO!!

AND HOW GOOD ARE COMBOS??



Awww, y'know, just out feeding my three horses ...

AND MY CAMEL!

JUST A CAMEL. NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.

What's going on here? Did Bela ride the camel out to where the horses live to feed them? Or does Bela ride the camel with the horses? Can camels keep up with horses? And how many horses are there in the vicinity of this picture? Look in the lower-lefthand corner, there's another horse down there!

He's smelling the ground!



I'D BUY INSURANCE FROM THIS GUY.

BEST MUSTACHE IN THE BIZ?

NO, SERIOUS. DOES BELA KAROLYI HAVE THE BEST MUSTACHE IN THE HISTORY OF MUSTACHES?

IT'S WORTH DISCUSSING.


Even back in the day Bela's mustache was incredible!

Kinda looks like Randy Quaid!

Back to the mustache debate ... best mustaches ever ...

Go!


Obviously.



You can't deny it!



Fonda's at least in the discussion!



What the hell goes on with this sport?!?!?



Bing ...

...

...

and

...

...

bong!







Yo, I'm being sers, you gotta keep coming back to TVMWW for exclusive London Olympic coverage (not really that exclusive, is it?). Think about all the hot bods and foreign mannerisms that I'll be able to report on! It's gonna be great! Also, follow me on Twitter here! Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, check out this London Broil!


And if you're wondering why S.Mouse's "Slap My Elbow" video's up in here, it's bringin' it back from the Rick Mahorn leather elbow thingie!

15 comments:

  1. Well it looks like its finally safe to come back. The bach was too much for me. That show irked me to my core. Finally, I can just be annoyed with sports crap on this sham of a site again! By the way, while writing this I was listening to St. Elmo's Fire by David Foster. For a little perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's great (not that great) to have you back!

    Now please tell your gf to CALL ME BACK so we can get the header updated!

    GAME OF FRONES & MAB MEMBS HAS BEEN OFF THE AIR FOR A MONTH ALREADY!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm just excited you're going to be blogging about tight leotards (I said tards) and diving speedos for the next two weeks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'M SO EXCITED TO BLOG ABOUT THOSE LITTLE WASHCLOTHS THAT THE DIVERS USE.

      THEY'RE SO SMALL!

      ALSO, THIS BLACK CHICK I WORK WITH CLAIMS THAT BLACK PEOPLE LOVVVVVE USING WASHCLOTHS.

      I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY MY MOM WOULD PUT THEM OUT FOR GUESTS.

      MY WIFE HATES WHEN I TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

      Delete
    2. I apprec the insight over the fact that black people like to use washcloths because I too use them daily.

      Also, I like that little tub-o-water the divers get in after they throw their bodies 90 MPH summersaulting into the pool. Like they need another body of water to submerge into?

      Whatevs.

      Delete
    3. DO THEY EVEN NEED TO DO THOSE SOMERSAULTS???

      HOW BOUT A GOOD OLE FASHIONED BUGS BUNNY SWAN DIVE???

      Delete
    4. I was watching TLC last night (I know, I know) and I saw a trailer for a new show called HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO. It's a spin off from the Toddlers and Tiaras. YOU MUST BLOG ABOUT THIS ONE. Premiers in August I think.

      Picture it:
      White trash family
      Rural Georgia
      Couponing Mom
      Pageant Girl

      I mean, it's a recipe for disaster and I'm hooked already.

      Delete
    5. the real question is:

      WHEN IS AMERICAN BRIDGET GETTING HER OWN SHOW???

      Delete
    6. When I get to be as funny as your ass is...
      I mean, do you even follow my bloggy blog?

      Delete
    7. I checks it outs de temps en temps!

      Delete
  4. Is Kerri Strug playing this year?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kerri Strug is currently shopping around a reality pilot to Bravo called "Strug Life," featuring her and her older brother (aspiring rapper Kevin Strug) and their attempt to sling rock in Crenshaw, Calif.

      Delete
  5. ONE OF THE CHARACTERS ON THE HONEY BOO BOO SHOW IS NAMED CHUBS... AND IT'S A TEENAGE PREGNANT CHICK. THAT LADY'S RIGHT, IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT. And I hate it when people talk in all caps too, it reminds me of Kanye West. That was an accident on my part BTW.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I prefer my pregnant women to be teenaged.

      Also, just throwing this out there on the world wide web ... anybody else really attracted to pregnant chicks?

      Delete