Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Mad Men: Don and the Elevator Shaft of Doom

The man on the right is actually Herman Clarvengton, inventor of the pinå colada. 

It seems like on this season of Mab Membs, the writers are trying realllllly hard to get the audience to analyze every scene -- evaluating every characters every move -- the complete opposite of what the producers of Ice Loves Coco do on a weekly basis.

Last week, Don Drapes narrowly escaped death, almost falling down an elevator shaft IMMEDIATELY after his wife left the firm. Clearly Matthew Weiner was trying to tell us something. What? I have no idea. I'm way too dumb to figure it out. If you ask me, Weiner was trying to tell us to turn the channel over to E! to catch the end of Ice Loves Coco. Spartacus has a girlfriend!

Regarblebs, here are my theories as to what the elevator scene really meant:

1. Don is lost without Megan by his side. His life an uncontrollable mess filled with booze, women, lies and deceit that will kill his current run of happiness. Without her at the office, keeping his isht in check, Don will once again succumb to temptation and start doinking everything in sight. I'm so excited. 

2. Don's gonna be aight. He DIDN'T fall down the shaft, he was aware of the pitfalls put in front of him and proved that he CAN take care of himself. This realization will allow him to celebrate by doinking every woman in sight. I'm so excited. 

3. The large, empty shaft represented an enormous vagina. By catching himself before he fell in, Don showed that he will remain faithful to Megan -- his one true love. 

4. When you catch yourself from falling into a large, empty, shaft of a vagina, it often gives people a new lease on life -- or possibly a sex-in-an-elevator fetish. Look for Don to start doinking numerous women in numerous elevators.

5. Elisha Graves Otis (inventor of the elevator) was a total perv. 

No relation to Otis Spunkmeyer.

6. By surviving the open elevator/vagina shaft, this is now the SECOND TIME that Don has cheated death (the first being when the REAL Don Drapes got his face blown off by a grenade). Last time, Dick Whitman changed his future by becoming Don Drapes. Nowwwww, Don will become Harry Crane and spend the rest of his life as a pathetic born again virj. 

7. That open elevator shaft was actually intended for Harry Crane and his dumb, stupid, virgin vagina. 

8. This is the dumbest idea for a post in the history of TVMWW and that's REALLY sayin' something. 

9.  I'm shocked that you're still reading this -- not this post, but this blog. How do you keep coming back for more? Seriously, what is wrong with you? You should throw yourself down an empty elevator shaft.  

10. I actually thought theories #1 and #2 were pretty interesting, although theory #7 was pretty much spot on. 

11. These aren't even theories at this point. 

12. I'm not even sure who I'm talking to. 

13. Boom boom.

Yo, the Bachelorette starts in SIX DAYS. Can you beliebs it?!?! I know! Look for a TVMWW Bachelorette preview soooooon. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, look at this moose wearing a hat.


  1. I JUST watched this ep about 10 minutes ago and I have no idea what it all means. I'm going to watch HBO soon because I just bought it yesterday with the intention of watching the whole On Demand in 1 months so I can cancel the subscript and not pay $15 again. Then I can finallly read your Game of Frones shit. This was my least fave ep of Madsters this season. OK BYE.

    1. How 'bout Pete Campbell doin some slurpin and burpin!

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