Monday, May 21, 2012

Game of Frones: Interactive Survey (not interactive)

Kinkiest place ever. 

1. Are you watching Game of Frones yet?

a) Oh my God, shut up, yes, I'm watching, I'm watching, geez Louize.
b) Even if I was watching -- and I'm not -- it wouldn't matter because this is just going to end up being about boobs.
c) I love boobs so much.
d) On with the boob survey!


2. Will Jon Snow boink Angie Everhart Jr? 

a) No! He's a virgin and will remain a virgin because that's his calling and virgins are better at protecting walls!
b) Of course he will! No man -- virgin or non-virj -- can resist a dirty-talking redhead. For the record, I'm SHOCKED that there has never been an epic porno starring Angie Evs called The Burning Bush.
c) Even if he does boink her, it's gonna be borrrrriiiinnnnggggggg ... he's a virgin, remember?! Virgins suck at having sex! In fact, they probably suck at everything! Even protecting walls!
d) I find it COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE that AC Green went his entire NBA career as a virj.


3. Do you want Joffrey to die?

a) No, he's a good character and the ultimate villain. I mean, I want him to die, but I don't wannnttt him to die. I don't know how to answer this question.
b) GODDAMMIT YES.
c) It's like, I want him to die, but he brings an interesting element to the story, y'know? Without him, who am I supposed to hate? Jamie? He's kinda charming. Cersei? I sorta feel sad for her. Dragon Lady? She sure whines a lot, but you can't teach good boobs. You just can't teach good, milky, white boobs.
d) Off with his head! Joffrey has zero redeeming qualities -- even AC Green could rebound.


4. How kinky is Qarth?

a) Sooooo kinky.
b) It's a toss-up between Qarth and Lancaster, Pennsylvania, for the title of "World's Kinkiest Place." Amish chicks and those bonnets??? Shoooooo, boy! Now that's kinky with a capital boob!
c) Dude, what the freak is up with that magic illusionist guy?!?! Did he kill everyone? I still have no idea what happened in that scene. Was that all an illusion? Imagine him wearing a bonnet. It'd be so kinky!
d) David Blaine is the kinkiest dude ever -- didn't he used to date some redhead? If anyone in real life is ever gonna have sex with a redhead and produce a smoke-baby, it's that guy. Or possibly Blake Griffin.


Google "Angie Everhart" and this is the most appropriate-for-work picture you'll find. 


5. What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done? Be honest. 

a) I once wore a motorized cock-ring-thing for this lady I dated. She had read an article in Consumer Reports that it was dope or something. I only wore it for like 30 seconds. It was ridiculous. That doesn't sound that kinky now that I've typed it out.
b) My partner and I legitimately tried to role play once. One of us pretended to be a blogger, and the other was a faithful commenter (who was also blind). It was sort of hot. We did it in a computer lab.
c) My partner once tied me to a chair for a long weekend. It was an Adirondack chair. I now have scoliosis.
d) I'm giving this survey one more question before I call it quits.


6. Who's gonna win the war? Or at least, who's gonna end up on the throne at the end of this seez?

a) GOOD QUESTION. I gotta go with the guy who has Smoke Lady on his side. That lady shot a smoke baby out of her vajoo-joo!
b) Ehhhhhh, well, doesn't the dwarf have some sort of secret stash of smoke bombs or something? I totally didn't follow that scene, but I think he does. Not sure how that kills a smokey-vaj, but it seemed important. So I think Joff is still gonna be in charge, but the imp is gonna be pulling the strings. Kind of like how Juwan Howard is the real coach of the Heat.
c) I'll tell ya who's not gonna win, Clive Owen. Where's that guy been?
d) How's this for a starting five? The imp running the point, the King Slayer at the Two, the Illusionist guy as your do-it-all small forward (I mean, that's who I'm building this team around), AC Green at the power spot and the Big Black Kevin Duckworth guy in the middle. With Giant Lezbot coming off the pine in the Anthony Mason role.


7. Do you think Jamie Lannister is gonna swordfight the Giant Lezbot, and if so, will he kill her and will you cry?

a) I really like her!
b) There's no reason why she should be coming off the bench while AC Green is starting.
c) Wait, when you said "swordfight" before, did you mean have sex with her? Or chop off her boobs?
d) In option C, I originally wrote "chop her boobs off" but changed it to "chop off her boobs" because I liked the way it flowed better.

HOW IS THIS AN APPROPRIATE FORM OF COMMUNICATION??!



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4 comments:

  1. Shirley and I actually went to Antelope Canyon (#2 on the nice list) and it was nice! You can only be guided in by a Native American, and our dude was totally into taking pictures for everyone with their cameras. Not like, "Hey, give me your camera and stand over there. I'll take a picture of you and your au pair." He was on some, "Camera!" And he'd hold out his hand and snap off like five shots of a rock that was supposed to look like a bird. Then he played the flute for a little while and posed for a picture with our pet penguin (stuffed, wind-up). Pretty good tour!

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  2. Hey, Nathan stole my comment!

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