Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Mad Men: I See You, Peggy! I Sees You!

Tiger style!

They say you're supposed to "write what you know," so apparently Matthew Weiner must know a lot about dropping LSD, giving guys handjobs and chasing his wife around their living room a la Edwin Moses.

This is Edwin Moses. 

For the 98% of people who missed that one. I was trying to say that Don Draper was chasing Megan around like an olympic hurdler, jumping over stuff, having the utmost determination -- jokes are always awesome when you have to explain them.

So taking a page out of Weiner's book and writing about what I know, time to analyze last week's ep:

PEGGY TOTALLY GAVE THAT GUY A HANDJOB

Nice job by Peggy to unhitch that guy's belt in the dark. I have trouble taking off my own belt let alone some dude's that I just met in a movie theatre. Her technique was pretty juvenile though, north and south like Craig Ironhead Hayward as opposed to the jerk and twerk method of twisting at the end of the upward motion. She also probably should've spit on her hand (or on the guy's dork) instead of just gripping and ripping. Then again, considering she was blazed out, I imagine she was quite parched and unable to produce any saliva.

Other nicknames for Ironhead include "Dumptruck Head", "Iron Balls" and "Bowling Ball Balls."

I never realized how hot Roger's (ex)wife was. I was especially attracted to her the morning after their LSD trip, when she was physically and emotionally distraught. There's something super attractive about a woman when she's a basketcase. Like Lindsey Lohan or Chamique Holdsclaw.

We Got Next Handjob!

Once again, obligatory shot to explain the previous joke. Holdsclaw had a mental breakdown in 2007. C'mon people!

I looked at Roger's (ex)wife's profile on IMDB -- her name is Peyton List and that's pretty much the most interesting thing about her. Well, also, her father's name is Doug.

"Oh, hey there, have you met my father, Doug?"

How comfortable does that robe look?

Don was right that orange sherbet is delicious even though it has a really dumb spelling. After the episode, my wife was fired up, furious with Don for not apologizing to Megan. I don't know why chicks are so big on apologizing. Clearly Don was sorry, he showed that by chasing her around the apartment like a goddamn lunatic. Edwin Moses yo!

Whenever my wife pisses me off, I don't need her to apologize, I just need some sherbet!

MY WIFE: Hey Ev, I went to the movies this afternoon. Needed to blow off some steam.

ME: Cool, what'd you see?

MY WIFE: I jerked off some dude.

ME: Haven't heard of that one.

MY WIFE: No, I saw Chimpanzee, but I also jerked off some dude in the theatre. I'm sorry.

ME: Did you twist at the end?

MY WIFE: No, just gripped and ripped.

ME: Oh, big deal, I did that to like four dudes at the office today. Let's go get some sherbert.

MY WIFE: It's sherbet.

ME: I'm sorry.



Joe Budds, lemme see you jerk that, twerk that ... 







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