Thursday, March 29, 2012

Game of Frones: New Seez Starts This Sunday! Let's Eat Sundaes to Celebrate! Game of Fronesssss!!!

That horse is so black.

“Game of Thrones is the new God.” 
GabulousTVMWW’s Senior Art Director (she made the header)


It has come to my attention that not everyone watches Game of Frones, which is weird because it’s the ultimate show. Game of Frones has everything: action, drama, sex, swordfights, sexfights, swordsex, pancakes, everything!

And here at TVMWW, I try to make it so everyone can read my posts, even if you don’t watch the particular program I'm blogging about. So without revealing any major spoilers, I’ve decided to write this Game of Frones post for two separate audiences: for those of you who watched the first season and for those of you who are living a goddamn lie. 

For fans who already watch the show, your text will be written in green, while those of you who haven't watched, you can follow along in blue (or bleu if you're from Houston).

Let’s do this!

GAME OF FRONES! GAME OF FRONES! GAME OF FRONESSSSS!!! HOLY SHIT! GAME OF FRONES! GAME OF FRONES! GAME OF FRONESSSSSSSSS!!!

I’m telling you dawgs, this show has it all! People get their heads chopped off, horses get their heads chopped off (kinda sad), there’s wolves (and they’re good wolves!), there’s a lady who’s also sort of a dragon, there's incest, a dwarf, sex (including some with the dwarf!), there’s some titty-action, LOTS of titty-action, muff shots (plural … like, I can distinctly remember two different muff shots … one was during a lezbo scene and the other was just a straight-up Mississippi Muff Shot), did I mention the dragon-lady?!?!

My favorite characters from the first seez were definitely the Dothrakis, these barbarian-type dudes who rarely spoke and ate people’s spleens. Their leader, the main (and biggest) Dothraki, was right up there with some of my all-time favorite non-speaking big guys. Such as:

This guy from Superman II:

How many gyros has this guy eaten in real life?


The Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest:

Jack's hair looks amazing here. 


And Kamala the Ugandan Headhunter:

From parts unknown! ... I mean, Uganda!


WINTER IS COMING! WINTER IS COMING! WINTER IS COMINGGGGGGGGG! GAME OF FRONES GAME OF FRONES GAME OF FRONES! SWORDFISH!!!

One major thread from the first season was that “winter is coming,” which is a really big deal because winter only comes like once every 40 years in Game of Frones world. And when it comes, boyyyyyyyy, you best be wearin' your long underwears! The old-heads who have lived long enough to remember the last winter talk about it like it’s INSANE, while the young dudes are like, “I ain’t scared of winter! I will fuck a swordfish in the butt!” 

For the record, I’d like to state that I absolutely love wearing long underwear and feel so gypped that I only got to wear it once this past winter. I also can’t believe that Hanes or Nike has yet to market George Gervin "Ice Man" long underwear. They could make it look like the Spurs warmup pants!

Iceballs! ... (one of my high school nicknames)

HOW BOUT THAT KID THAT STILL BREASTFEEDS FROM HIS MOM? WHAT THE FREAK?! CREEPIEST DUDE EVER? CREEPIER THAN GLEN FROM MAD MENCREEPIER THAN STEVIE JANOWSKI? CREEPIER THAN RICK SANTORUM??!?!!? 

So yeah, there’s this one kid -- he's around 11 or 12 -- whose mother is insane (like mentally ill) and he just sits on her lap and sucks on her titties. It’s really really weird (and that’s comin’ from a guy who is totally cool with A LOT of stuff).

WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH DRAGON LADY?! AND HOW HAVE I GONE ALL THIS TIME WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THE DWARF, WHO’S PROBABLY THE DOPEST DWARF EVER!

You know the dwarf, you’ve seen him, you know who I'm talkin 'bout! Stop playing dumb!

GAME OF FRONES! GAME OF FRONES! GAME OF FRONESSSSS!!!

How do you not watch this show?!?!
And how have I still not blogged about Ice Loves Coco?!?!

I LOVE THEM!





I'd like to use this spot down here to pay my respects to two dudes who passed away earlier this week: boxing journalist, Bert Sugar, and banjo legend, Earl Scruggs. I have forced my wife to sit through countless boxing documentaries and if not for Bert Sugar's passionate storytelling, my wife probably would've fallen asleep midway through all of 'em. Scruggs (or "Scruggles" as I call him) wrote the book on the banjo (literally, like I'm currently using his book to teach myself how to play the banjo) and without his guidance, my wife woulda smashed my banj into pieces long ago. So tonight when you're sippin on some sizzurp, tip a little out for my main men, Bert and Earl ... orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you know what, just do it. 


3 comments:

  1. There's not one single character on that show who speaks with the type of accent that would turn "thrones" into "frones," if that's the type of "frones" you're going for here. Kind of comes across as baby-talk, as in "Mommy, can I watch Game of Fromes?" "No, son. Now drink this tit-milk and take a nap."

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    Replies
    1. Totally disagree!

      Listen to Rio Ferdinand ... who also might be a dragon guy!

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  2. My bad. I was applying normal person logic here. I see your point. For those readers who also follow English Premier League soccer AND watch Game of Thrones this makes perfect sense.

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