Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Top Chef: Is Sarah the Worst Person in the World?

What self respecting chef wears open-toed sandals?!  ... AND WHOOOAAAA MAKEUP!

We've seen a lot of unlikable villains in Top Chef history: Elan, Angelo, Anthony Bourdain, that chick from earlier this year who was a jerk to Bev, those snooty couples from Dallas, Glenn Close, but finalist Sarah might be the most evil yet.

But how does she stack up against the current title holder of "Worst Person in the World?" ... Chris Brown.

"F&M" stands for Fucking Doucher.

TALENT

SARAH: Seems to make delicious hand-rolled pasta, but according to my friend Leah who has rolled her own pasta TWICE, "hand-rolled pasta tastes a lot like packaged pasta." Also, I kinda feel like that's Sarah's only move! GET A NEW MOVE LADY! This lady I work with is a black belt in karate and has like seven moves!

CHRIS BROWN:  Really, really, really good dancer.


PERSONALITY

SARAH:  Zero likable qualities. Whines in the kitchen and berates her fellow chefs. Cocky, but not in a charming way like Shaquille O'Neal. Not Asian.

CHRIS BROWN:  Refers to his fan base as "Team Breezy," proof enough that he's a total dickwad.

Quick tangent about Chris Brown ... HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPORTING THIS GUY?!?! Like, who made the decision to have him perform TWICE at the Grammys (one of which was lip-synced) and then WIN A FRIGGIN' MAJOR AWARD?!?! I was sooooooo sad to hear that Rihanna reconciled with him AND MADE A SONG?!?! I love her (and her twat) sooooo much and feel that she (and the entire cast of Jersey Shore) put women back about fifty years.


I always kinda feel sorry for the little lobbies.

FRIENDS


SARAH:  Claims to go wayyyyyyy back with chef Takashi Yagihashi  -- who I'd never heard of, but "Takashi" was also the name of the dude from Revenge of the Nerds ("Ohhhh, like salad") so he's cool with me.

CHRIS BROWN: Who gives a shit, right? Fuck this guy. Let's watch some Revenge of the Nerds clips.







HUNG WAS A BOSSSSSSSSSS.


Tonight is the SEASON FINALE of Top Chef and I'm totally gonna live-tweet it. ISN'T THAT FRIGGIN' INTERESTING?!?! I'll tell ya what's also interesting, this picture of a lake in Mayanmar (that also looks nothing like Drexel Hill, PA).

3 comments:

  1. I absolutely can't stand her. She is awful. But you know who else was awful? Bev.

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    Replies
    1. You know who else was awful? Shawn Bradley.

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  2. I won a Shawn Bradley signed ball at Boscov's by accident when I was a kid. I had to shake his awkward hand. It depreciated the value of the ball to have his name on it. I think I used it when my ball got old.

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