Monday, February 27, 2012

The Oscar Recap: I'M IMPORTANT, I SAY THIS, I DO THIS, MOVIES MAKE ME FEEL THIS, SHUT UPPPPPP

James Harden? ... and how are these chicks not in Hollywood?!?! 

Wow! What an amazing show. Much better than watching LeBron and DWade throw oops to each other for 48 minutes. Much better than watching KD go for 36. Much better than watching Russell Westbrook ram on people's necks!

OH MY GOD WHAT A SNOOZE-FEST.

Even the dead people part was boring!

The best part of the Oscars was clearly the Cirque du Soleil stuff. Did you see when that guy was balancing himself on that other guy and then the other guy kicked that guy onto another guy while that lady ate her own foot?!?! Amazing.

Anyone know when the Cirque du Soleil awards are?


Let's give out some awards about the awards:

Best line of the night: Zach Galifinakis when he introduced himself as Zatch Galfinilapdis.

Best speech: Meryl Streep (and also shout-out to Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords / The Muppets whose speech was probably better anyway!)

Worst speech: Christopher Plummer (get over yourself, dude!)

Best dressed: Bérénice Bejo, Jessica Chastain and Nicki Minaj's Liquid-Plumr hair at the All-Star Game -- I can't believe I'm even giving a best dressed award. This is so embarrassing. Then again I'm definitely watching Fashion Police tonight with Joan Rivvs after the Bach.

Best French Bread Pizza: Stouffer's -- for the 84th consecutive year. Has any other French Bread peetz ever even been nominated?

Top 5 hottest chicks in Hollywood:

1. Bérénice Bejo -- my wife says she could be "the most interesting looking" but I think she's straight up the hottest!
2. Penelope Cruz
3. Salma Hayek -- She's still around, right? I remember her having bongo-boobs.
4. Scarlett Johansson
5. (tie) The Indian chick from that Indian Who Wants to be a Millionaire movie from a few years ago -- she was pretty.
5 (tie) And J-Lo! How could I forget about J-Lo!

other receiving votes: Megan Fox (might be the hottest), Natalie Portman (pretty, but whatever), Susan Sarandon (Lifetime Achievement Award), Some Black Lady (why aren't there any pretty black ladies these days?!?! That chick who used to date Kanye totally needs to be in a movie!)

Not the best picture of her!

And seeing as mostly chicks read this blog and I'm totally comfortable talking about dude's looks (probably because I'm still in the clozz) ...

Top 5 hottest dudes in Hollywood:

1. George Cloons
2. Ryan Goss
3. Idris Elba
4. Bradley Coop
5. Chris Webber

Blah blah blah, people are totally gonna have sex on the Bachelor tonight!

Fantasy suites!

Condoms are dumb!


Obligatory redhead shot! Where's Angie Everhart these days?
Boom ba-boom boom, boom ba-boom boom bonkers, bonkers!
My wiiiiiiiife told me to post this pic!


Whaddya think of my top 5 hottest list? Sound off in the comments section! Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, watch this video of Oscar Schmidt and Drazen Petrovic going at it in the 1989 Euros. Drazen went for 62! Oscar 44!

7 comments:

  1. I kept waiting for those three teenagers who won for best documentary to thank the underprivileged, underfunded football players they made the movie about, but no. They were too busy getting censored out for saying fuck on live TV. Awesome guys.

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    Replies
    1. So true Greg, but what you're giving here is intelligent and perceptive feedback and that does not fly at TVMWW.

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  2. No BabaWawa this year, what gives?

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    Replies
    1. NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

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    2. Barbara Walters
      She usually interviews Oscar nominees before the show, but she was MIA this year.....

      http://www.hulu.com/watch/4144/saturday-night-live-baba-wawa-at-home

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