Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Wednesday's Wifey: LeBron's Fiancée Savannah Brinson

My mother would've had a freaking heart attack if I ever played basketball that close to the edge of the pool. 

Just two weeks after the Black Mamba's wife Vanessa filed for divorce (and gets HALF BABY HALF of his dough), LeBronski decided to take the plunge with his longtime girlfriend and mother of his children, Savannah Brinson.

Bron-Bron and Savannah have been together since high school, although I imagine (AND THIS IS PURELY SPECULASHE) that he's done some sniffing and snorfing on the side in the past decade. But now the King is settling down, with a woman who may or may not have a thigh tattoo.

Let's go!

You gotta admire a woman in a blazer, especially if that woman is younger than 55 years old. And how 'bout the fact that she decided to pair it with a pin?!?! My Aunt Maxine would totally approve of this outfit. Personally, I like the dude behind Savannah, who decided to go sans-undershirt for the evening. That'swhatI'mtalkin'bout Smooth Operator! But if you just undid one more button, SO MUCH MORE EXHILARATING!

See now Bronski, you gotta be careful who you allow your wife to hang out with. I don't let my wife ever even come close to any Austrians, let alone one who impregnated his housekeeper. I really like how you can tell that Maria is kinda muttering through that fake smile, "Get your furkin' hands off me you furkin' prick, I'm only here to make you look good and meet black men. I still want half motherfurker, HALF."

C'mon LBJ!

Are you cereal?!?!? These people are NOT good influences on your marriage! And how do these women have such strong calves?!?!

"Okay okay LeBron, get in there get in there, yeah that's perfect and Mary J? Mary J if you and your husband could just get a little tighter and yeah, pick your chin up a bit, don't wanna show the double, that's nice, real nice, and Savannah, you're good, just put your left arm down at your side, love your makeup by the way, and Mr. Blige, exactly, exactly, just off of Mary's shoulder and yeah, white lady, yeah, white lady, if could you just stand right there on Savannah's left and look like you absolutely don't belong in this picture yeah that'd be perfect, and make a weird face for me, yep, got it, yep, one more! Got it!"

All that posing for pictures and hanging out with adulterers can be exhausting. Sometimes you need to just get away, go for a dip and the ocean and have your all-star future husband stretch out your rotator cuff. Although there's a chance that Bronny is simply trying to get an underwater hand-j. (Can't blame him for that, you honestly can't.)

Whoa. Was not expecting a shin tattoo out of the future Queen James. But y'know what? As far as shin tattoos go, I kinda like it! This was found on Savannah's Faceblork page by the way and I'm not making that up.

Classy lady! 

And how 'bout those lines in LBJ's head?! I know everybody hates LeBron these days, but I really really like him. Below is a very dramatic / boring video of him jumping off a platform into a swimming pool in Barcelona. 

Just playing the fiddle with my good pal CP3 on the mic! 

Forget about Savannah and her ring, how 'bout the dude in the upper left-hand corner of the shot? (Who also happens to be going sans-undershirt.) "What's going on down there? Is that a camera? What's that, one of those cameras?

HOW MANY WOMEN DO THESE GUYS NEED? Just the three for Chris Bosh, that's all. Unless that white lady with the terrible dress belongs to D-Wade, but I can't imagine that's possible. Chris Bosh is also the only asshole in Miami who apparently wears an undershirt.  

And now for the Thigh Tattoo Queen of Philadelphia!

And now for someone completely different!

For the record, I actually love wearing undershirts (v-necks). THAT'S REALLY INTERESTING, ISN'T IT?!?! Check out this squirrel!


  1. You think the black dress is worse than the teal one?

    For shame!

  2. I mean clearly that's a picture of the three NBA studs and their three super-hot girls and three really mediocre-looking white women who asked to have their picture taken with them.

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