Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Wednesday's Wifey: J.R. Martinez's SAINT OF A GIRLFRIEND - Diana Jones

All young fellas from Shreveport, Louisiana, dream of one day beating Ricki Lake & Ron Artest in a dancing competition.

Growing up, a friend of mine had a three-legged dog. And while we played street hockey, that three-legged dog would run around on his three legs and do three-legged stuff like run funny and balance himself, and even though that three-legged dog was dope, all the kids in the neighborhood would still always be like, "Yo, that dog's got three legs! Let's go eat lunch! I love lunch!"

I loved that three-legged dog -- I mean, I didn't realllly love him, sure, yeah, I'd give him some of my lunch if he poked his three-legged nose around, but I wasn't gonna cuddle with him, that would be gross! -- but some folks (like his owners, the Pettits) loved that dog like he had four legs (remember, he didn't ... he only had 75% of the legs dogs are supposed to have). Those people were better than me.

Well, so is J.R. Martinez's girlfriend, Diana Jones, who loves him despite the fact that he only has two legs. He's a nice doggie!

Let's take a look at this lady!


Look at that. She looks like such a nice person! And he's leaning his you-know-what side of his face on her head. Looks like she's got a nice manicure too.

Although, that's actually a bit rude ... rubbing it in ... "Heyyy, look at me, I've got nice fingers!" F*ck you and your fingers lady!


"Ohhhh, I've got the nicest fingers in the world! Look at my thumb! It's perfect. Hey everybody! Come look at me and my boyfriend who won Dancing With the Stars but mostly look at this thumb of mine! It's so rounded at the right part and thumby on the other! My purse has sparkles!"

GET OVER YOURSELF LADY!


Karina looks ecstatic to be getting hugged, doesn't she? "Oh yeah, thanks dude. Yeah, hug me, awesome. All right, that's enough. That's fine. It was a nice dance, but c'mon, the cameras are off us. Dude, oh no no no no no no, it has nothing to do with your burns, it has nothing to do with your burns, it's just you were hugging me a little tight and I have bad ribs, that's all. It's just my ribs. Ohhh, my ribs! Ow! I gotta go get some ice for my burns. I mean, my ribs. I'm Russian, I don't understand what's going on!"



"Okayyyy, yeah, I'm so happy! Woo. Yeah, woo. Awesome, okay. Are we done with the interview? Just putting your hand right on my shoulder, aren't ya?"

And how 'bout Kobayashi in the background?!?!


Now here's another saint of a woman, Heidi Klum, who doesn't mind at all that her man got injured in Iraq. "I love Seal's scars," says Heidi. "I also love seals. I mean eating seals, like seal burgers. Have you ever had one? Verrrrrry tasty."**

**Not only did Heidi Klum not say this, no one has ever said this.



Any idea who this sexy vixen is? She's also a very nice person (who apparently is so nice that she doesn't have to wear a brazier). Here name is Dana ... does that do anything for ya?



Dana Reeve! What a saint! That guy was Superman! And then he became a guy who couldn't do stuff. But she didn't care that he couldn't do stuff. She still loved him. I mean, she probably loved him more when he could do stuff, but she still loved him! And that says more that you can say about not liking your spouse when he or she throws his or her back out and can't do stuff.



So those two pictures of Diana Jones above, yeah, those are like the only two pictures of her online. But this lady's name is Diana Jones too, and she's a singer-songwriter who sings boring dumb songs. I mean, look how boring and dumb she is. Although, how comfortable does that couch look? "I'm sittttttttting on a couch and I'm playyyyyyyying a guitar." (That was her singing.)



This Diana Jones was a fugitive sex boss from Wales and I'm not yoking. She ran a brothel in the U.K. and eventually ended up going to jail. I know what you're thinking about her boobs, I know what you're thinking. So we don't even have to say it. We don't have to say anything about her boobs.

AS MUCH AS WE WANNA SAY STUFF, LET'S JUST BE NICE PEOPLE AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PRETTY PICTURE IN THIS BLOGPOST, OKAY?



Oh, bonjour! This Diana Jones is from FRANCH! Or at least, the words on the website where I got it were all in French. So far, she is my favorite sex boss Diana Jones. No idea if she's a nice person or not, but I would guess from her sultry boss-boobs smile, she's very very nice.



THIS Diana Jones is Amish! Yeah, a real Amish person (who apparently lets people use cameras to take pictures of her????). I know this because I found her picture on a website called AmishLiving.com (and I'm not yoking again!). Her particular page was set to private and said, "You must be a member of Amish Living to view this page."

BUT I'M NOT EVEN AMISH AND I SAW IT!


Diana Jones, mortgage broker from Illinois. Probably the kinkiest one of them all.



"Voulez-vous Ski-Doo avec moi ce soir?!?!"

OUI OUI MADEMOISELLE!

NICE BUTT!



Hey, have a great Thanksgizzles folks. Personally, I'm very thankful that there's a woman out there who is not disgusted by my bare baloney-butt. What are you thankful for? Leave a comment! Or don't and just check out this picture of a lady who looks like she's riding a magic carpet.

7 comments:

  1. I'm thankful you've mastered the art of the Google Image search, your blog just wouldn't be the same without it! Sometimes we get blog hits from image searches such as "open marriage" or "www.sweetpenis" and I'd like to think it's people like you out there, landing on our perfectly innocuous photos.

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  2. Well, I don't know what innocuous means, but I love octopusses!

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  3. annndddd..... we (kinda?) called it that JR was gonna win?!
    whatevs. I am glad. because I had this weird aversion to ricki all season.
    also--- THE BACH IS IN A MONTH.

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  4. When Ricki was voted off, my wife screamed, "SUCK IT DEREK!"

    And then I screamed, "THE BACH IS IN A MONTH!"

    And then we both screamed, "WWW.SWEETPENIS!"

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  5. I am thankful this post wasn't very long.

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  6. Max had 25% more legs than I do, and Brendan still likes me!

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  7. I'M HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE A NICE RELATIONSHIP

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