Thursday, November 3, 2011

RHOBH: So This Camel Goes to a Party ...

You're the only one who understands me Mr. Camel.

During Monday night's episode of Real Housewives of Cardinal Bevilacqua, some ridiculously rich guy threw a party and hired a camel to greet people. The camel just stood in the driveway -- looking and acting like a camel -- and people petted him as they arrived. Some people were a little scared by the camel ... some people liked him ... I loved him.

I mean, there were other attractions at the party too: snakes, mermaids, bongos, belly dancers, white people -- but the whole time that I was watching the episode I just wanted Bravo to show more of the camel.

I'm not sure what that says about a television program when you spend the entire hour hoping they'll show more camel. If Andy Cohen had just put a camel on TV -- I mean, literally, just a camel standing there chewing and looking around and smelling things -- I would've enjoyed that WAY MORE than watching Whatsherface doing splits on a coffee table. (No offense to Whatsherface and those splits -- they were nice splits -- I'd just rather see more camel.)

"No, you're not angry, you're just pointing." ... Anyone know what that's from?

There's a station on Comcast in Philadelphia called "Jams and Cams" where they just show different traffic jams around the city to the sounds of dope jams. It's probably the most boring station ever, but it's kinda fun to watch (and listen to) and see what's going on around the Conshohocken Curve (SPOILER ALERT: there's always a traffic jam). Jams and Cams is way better than RHOBH.

I also really like the last clip on CBS Sundee Morning -- the Moment of Nature. Sometimes they'll show a babbling brook, or an elk eating some grass, or a beautiful mountain sunset that looks absolutely nothing like the view outside my window of my neighbor weed-whacking in jean shorts.

"Hey you. I know you, I know you."

As far as I can tell, the only real reason to get excited about the hour long RHOBH is when either the Suicide Guy is on or Kim Richards is taking horse tranquilizers.

The Suicide Guy -- and I know, I know, it's rude to make fun of dudes who kill themselves, but I'm a journalist first and foremost dammit! and it's my job to report on this! -- totally looks like a guy who would kill himself (or a camel). I mean, watching that dude and hearing him speak and looking into his lost eyes is absolutely FASCINATING. The whole time he's around you can't help by psychoanalyze him as to why he would take his own life. Then you realize that A) he has to socialize with these idiots and B) he was not invited to the camel party ... and it becomes obvious why he ended it.

This past week's episode ended with Kim Richards introducing the world to her new boyfriend who wears a World Series of Poker bracelet, can't stop sniffing and looks like he has also killed his fair share of camels. Then again, he seems nice enough. And that's nice for Kim. Next week, Kim is introducing him to her sister which apparently is a big deal.

Maybe they'll meet up at the zoo?

I kinda hope he kills her.

Last chance to get your emails in for my next mailbag post. Email me whatever at Or, instead of sending one little email to provide some fodder for this sham of a blog, check out this picture of Tim Tebow posing with a lady with huge Tebows.

And here's more camels


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