Monday, November 21, 2011

RHOA Quiz: What Type of Fan are You?

Right back at ya girlfriend! Also, kind of amazed she doesn't have a tatt on her left bicep. (Racist?)

So much of this website is "Hey, I've got something to say, you should read this, my wife does this, blah blah blah, I'm a dude, please kill me, sports inside joke, titboob..." so I thought it'd be a good time for you to actually get something out of reading this blorg.

So ladies, here's a little quiz for you to find out what kind of a Real Housewives of Atlanta fan you are. And don't worry, you don't have to actually watch the show to take the quiz. I gotta be honest, I haven't seen the show in two weeks and I'm still blogging about it.


My overall knowledge of the Real Housewives of A.T.L. is:

A) I’ve seen a few eps, but I gotta admit, I probably won’t end up reading this entire blog post. In fact, I’m already tempted to just scroll down and look at the pictures.
B) I’m a die hard. NeNe for life, yo.
C) I mean c’mon, do I really need to know anything about the show to take this dumb quiz? It’s a bunch of black chicks. And a white chick. And they do stuff.

When NeNe says things like, “Damn, girl! You be throwing those legs back?!” … that means:

A) I have no idea. I have a very hard time understanding black people.
B) That somebody’s getting some donk-donk!
C) All right, we’re two questions in and this already seems racist. That being said, I too like to throw my legs back de temps en temps.

If a woman pronounces the word “dildo” as “deeeel-doe,” then:

A) She probably has more experience with a deeldoe than I do.
B) I wanna hang out with that lady!
C) Once again, undercover racism. We should not judge people by the way they talk. That aside, I absolutely love dildos.

I had a buddy named The Shark who used to do that same "tongue bite" to try and get chicks.


Kim Zolciak claims to be 33 years old:

A) That’s the white lady, right? Yeah, if she’s 33, then my name’s Dan Dierdorf.
(by the way, if this is in fact Dan Dierdorf, I’d just like to say 1) thanks for reading and 2) I’ve always admired your mustache.
B) Look, I kinda like Kim, I really do, but I have a hard time believing she’s 33. I would also like to boink her fiancĂ©.
C) OH HAY’LL NO, that bitch is not 33. I mean, judging from the picture of her on this blogpost, I don’t think she’s 33. I've never actually seen her. I don't watch that show. Is there an option D?

When NeNe said last week that she needs a man who is “y’know, a good eater.” I thought:

A) Once again, no idea what she’s talking about. There was once this black girl who was my lab partner in 11th grade chemistry class, I think her name was Sharia, and I went an entire semester not knowing what the fuck she was talking about. She was great at mixing up chemicals and stuff though. We got an A.
B) Eating p*ssy is the #1 quality I look for in a man. Being able to fingerblast me while telling me I look skinny is #2.
C) I mean, obviously I want to choose option B, but can we please discuss how racist option A was?!?! I’m still choosing B though!

When NeNe occasionally lifts up her arm and has deodorant flakes in there, I think:

A) I don’t think that’s racist, but that seriously might be racist!
B) You would not believe how many deodorant flakes I currently have in my armpits.
C) I am so incredibly sex deprived.

Whenever Phaedra’s husband Apollo is on screen:

A) No idea who Apollo is, but I’d probably boink him.
B) I think that the fact that he’s a convicted felon makes him that much hotter.
C) I scream, “PLEASE TAKE YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT OFF AND RUB OIL ON YOUR CHEST ... ANY OIL, I HONESTLY DON’T CARE WHAT OIL … JUST RUB IT ALL OVER … CORN OIL, BABY OIL, MOTOR OIL … IS CORN OIL EVEN AN OIL? ... I'M GOING TO CORNOIL.COM RIGHT NOW.”

The chick that looks like Beverly Johnson is:

A) Way prettier than me. And I hate her.
B) In a tough relationship with a fella who's probably very difficult to live with. I know a little something about that because I too live with a dicknose.
C) All right, just checked out CornOil.com ... it's not a website, but there is a ChinaCornOil.com and that site didn't have one goddam picture of a shirtless male Chinese gymnast.

RESULTS

A) If you chose mostly A's, you are a racist.
B) If you chose mostly B's, you are my wife.
C) If you chose mostly C's, you are Kandi ... and you deserve some lovin'! ... and by "lovin'" I mean "sex!" 


Why don't I watch this show?!?! ... probably because my computer is always buffering.

Did you watch that Woody Allen jawn I told you to watch on PBS? You should've. 
Oh, who cares, right? But you should definitely check out this picture of a dude about to zipline over a gorge ... also, I have no idea what a gorge is.




3 comments:

  1. As you wife, who did in fact score mostly "b"s on this quiz, I would like to correct the record and say that the ONLY answer to Kim's age is "OH HAYL NO." I think you'll recall that when Kim said "I can't believe that I'm 33," I screamed so loud at the televison that I think our wine glasses broke. I'm going to 33 in 5 short weeks. That bitch is NOT 33.

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  2. In regards to what happens in a woman's armpit-- I've never experienced these "white flakes" you speak of. I have, what Poodle calls, "little deodorant balls". But what does he know!? His name is Poodle for god's sake and have you seen his moustache!?!?

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  3. Darrie, what are we having for dinner tonight?!?!?

    Aubre, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET POODLE SEE YOUR PITS!

    Everyone else, Poodle is a friend of mine who met Aubre at our wedding and has been slurpin' and burpin' with her ever since!

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