|I do not have one undershirt that is even CLOSE to as white as that one Chaz is wearing.|
Look, I'm all for transgender stuff and gay rights and sons/daughters of celebrities getting to be on Dancing With the Stars, but SOMEONE NEEDS TO DISCUSS THIS WHOLE CHAZ BONO HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND SHE'S KIND OF HOT THING.
So let's take a look at Jennifer Elia, not to be confused with former Phillies manager, Lee Elia.
Not quite sure what's going on here, but it looks as if Chaz-Bo is running for mayor. I've honestly never seen anyone happier to introduce his girlfriend to someone in my life. "Oh this? This is nothing, JUST MY REALLY HOT GIRLFRIEND THAT I BROUGHT WITH ME TONIGHT. Not that big of a deal. Just my GIRLFRIEND. That I'm here with. I'm Chaz Bono, running in the 17th district. For Deputy Dilds."
Here we get a glimpse into Jennifer's life away from Chaz -- a relaxed woman just out and about running errands. Notice the cutoff sweats and bare feet, showing that she's easy going and outdoorsy. Or it could also be a sign that she's trying to score some Crystal Meth.
When you're dating the son/daughter of a famous celebrity, sometimes you get to go out to fancy events. Here, it looks like Chaz has taken her to ... wait a minute ... is that Kumar in the background? That's Kumar in the background, isn't it? And I do acknowledge that if that's not Kumar, then that statement is sort of racist, but that's definitely Kumar! Anyway, Jennifer's bra is showing. Which is nice.
Yeah, this is a totally normal picture. Just Sonny and Cher's transgender son/daughter with his girlfriend and Meatloaf and some lady who I presume is Mrs. Meatloaf and who has a massive space between her yam-yams. Or is that the def lady who was on the Apprentice? You know who I'm talking about, Marla something. I wanna say Marla Maples, but it's definitely not Marla Maples.
This is Marla Maples -- doing something very strange, but very erotic. Possibly next week's Wednesday Wifey?
Other times when you're dating the son/daughter/Meatloaf's best friend, you have to run through the airport trying to avoid Adrian Peterson. Is All Day AP trying to take their picture? If you were a part of the paparazzi, would you wear a Vikings jersey? Nice midriff on Jennifer. There's so many duffel bags in this picture.
Running through airports is exhausting. That's why Chaz-Bo is holding THE BIGGEST WATER BOTTLE EVER.
OH, HEY THERE. NOPE, NOTHING BIG HERE, JUST A GUY IN A TOP HAT AND GLOVES STANDING NEXT TO CHAZ AND JENNIFER. OH, AND THAT OTHER GUY? JUST A DUDE WALKING BY WHO HAPPENED TO BE ON THE STREET AT THE SAME TIME THIS PICURE WAS TAKEN. TOTALLY NORMAL PICTURE ... TOTALLY NORMAL!
I honestly don't know why we're focusing this Wednesday's Wifey on some lady who nobody cares about when the Cher-Bonos are honestly the strangest family ever. How good does Cher look here? And yes I'm aware that Sonny's mustache is unmatched.
Uhhhh, where do you even start in this picture? These are actual people! And Cher looks so angry. And why is Chaz smiling SO happily? And is that even Chaz? And how soft is that carpet?!
I need to stop this. I need to just end this week's Wednesday Wifey. I can't believe how attracted to Cher I'm becoming. And how Sonny Bono is pretty much the exact person I want to be in this world. Also, I got four hours sleep last night. I need to get off this computer ... now.
For NPR in Washington, I'm Lackshmi Singh.
Yo, did you tweet Josh Scobee yet and tell him to be interviewed by TVMWW? Do it now. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, check out this picture of a pig staring you right in your dumb face.