Friday, August 5, 2011

Wednesday's Wifey (on a Friday, due to the bat problems): Susie Essman from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Poor Jeff. 

My wife can't stand Curb Your Enthusiasm - which was almost a deal breaker when deciding to propose - but I love it, especially Jeff Garlin's wife, Susie. She may be the greatest female character since Brandon Walsh. I spent this morning doing some research on Susie Essman (and her family) and posted some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Whoa! I have a hard time believing her real last name is Essman - I'm thinking it's Jewbenberg. I mean, was this the most humid day in the history of Los Angeles?!?!

Here she is with her husband, Jim Harder. Normally when dudes sit like this, you can totally see their balls. I can't really see Jim's balls, so I'm thinking maybe he had testicular cancer. I mean, I have NO PROOF that he had testicular cancer, but a guy can speculate, right? Is it illegal to speculate about guys having ball cancer and write about it in on a blog? It must be.

This is Susie's sister, Nora. From the looks of this picture, she's at the most boring Bar Mitzvah ever. I also think she might be wearing the same outfit that Susie wore during her stand-up routine above.

Susie's brother, Elliot - wine connoisseur, wearing a jacket that literally has the world's heaviest leather collar. Look at that thing! The pressure on his shoulders must be immense! No idea how many balls this guy has (or doesn't have).

And this, this is Thor - the brother they don't talk about. On Thor's website, he lists his main influences as his wife, his grandfather, and his friend, Jeff Dorfman.

Um, Jeff DORFMAN?!?!

The guy's name is actually Jeff DORFMAN?!?!

Hey Jeff Dorfman, lemme guess what your nickname is ... Oh I dunno, maybe THE DORFINATOR?!

Check out the Dorfinator:

Couldn't spring for the "anti-glare" on your glasses, huh Dorfinator?

Lastly, gotta just put up a picture of Cheryl Hines, 'cause she's just the hottest.

Get me a White Castle cheeseburger pronto! She HAS to be next week's wifey, right?

Wedneday's Wifey everybody! You'll never have that five minutes back!

To see more of the Wednesday Wifey series (which actually might be my favorite series!), click here


  1. "Now get the F*CK out of my house, Laarry."

    Best Wednesday Wifey ever.

  2. Probably read this comment 11 times ... still not sure if Gabulous meant it was the best Wed. Wifey POST ever, or that Susie Essman is the best Wed. WIFEY ever.

    Had to be the latter.

  3. Both. Susie is perfection. And this was some major sleuthing, gumshoe.

  4. Wow, don't quit your day job. I was researching Susie Essman because I like her as an actress. I was happy to find a blog post about her... until I started reading the absolute garbage that you wrote. Ball cancer? Seriously? Get a fucking life. Your blog sucks.

    1. I was just saying ... bald guy ... no balls ... it's probably ball Cancer! Don't get mad at me, it's not like I gave him the ball Cancer.

      And what are you doing researching Susie Essman at 1:40 in the morning??? Have you been having trouble sleeping? I suggest maybe changing your diet. And who the hell does research on Susie Essman?

      Thanks for reading!

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