Monday, August 1, 2011

The Bachelorette: The Dudes Tell All - Except For a Couple Dudes Who Seriously SAID NOTHING

Probably shoulda bought the book, "How Not to Talk a Million Miles an Hour - Because People Will Think You're Either on Cocaine or Joined a Fraternity at Penn State."

Some quick thoughts after watching The Bachelorette: The Dudes Say Basically Nothing, But I Still Watch Because I’m a Sucker Special.

- I can’t believe I spent this entire season watching The Bachelorette without knowing that Ashley’s last name was “Hebert” (pronounced: Ay-Bear). If I had, I would’ve sprinkled in Bobby Hebert jokes INTO EVERY POST. Thank God I didn’t, because there’s NO WAY any of my readers know who Bobby Hebert is.

Also, as I’m typing this, I just dropped a piece of BBQ chicken on my cellphone, and now my cellphone smells amazing. However, the laptop that I’m using (not mine by the way, borrowed it from a friend) has BBQ sauce all over the spacebar and a little on the “G” key.

Same haircut as my mother's cousin Edie!

- Nick was certainly trying to get involved last night! It seems like on every one of these shows, somebody who got ZERO FACE TIME during the actual seez attempts to make some noise, possibly in a last ditch effort to get invited onto Bachelor Pad (which by the way, LOOKS INSANE). I didn’t really watch the last seez of Bach Pad, nor did I plan on watching this one, until I saw the previews of Jake, Vienna and the Guard and Protect Your Heart Guy involved a love triangle. Probably a good time to mention that I’m currently involved in a hate triangle with my BBQ chicken and this plastic knife that can’t cut for shit.

- How about the fact that before going on the show, Ryan admitted to buying three books: 

The Book of Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged
The Book of Questions to Ask Before You Get Married



Let's see, what do I need before I go on this show? Hmmm, deodorant? Check. ... Probably should bring a pack of new socks too, that's always good to have, never know when you'll need some fresh tubers ... and let's see, what else? Hmm, maybe a different conversation-starting book? Cause these two that I have are good, but they're missing something, not sure what, but I need some questions that'll REALLY get this party started.

This is what I imagine page 137 looks like:

Would you rather ... ?

A) every time you meet someone for the rest of your life – when he or she goes to shake your hand – you will uncontrollably cluck like a chicken. And I mean, a legit chicken-cluck. And you can't just be like, “sorry, I have this problem where I cluck like a chicken when I meet someone, I can't help it ..." – no, you’d just have to go with it, no acknowledging … 


B) at some point during every day for the rest of your life, you’ll step in dog shit. You won't know when, you won't know where, but at some point during every day for the rest of your life, you're going to be stepping in dog shit. 


For the record, I’d go with the chicken clucking. 

It's a no-brainer!

Google Image Search: "San Diego Chicken" - probably the best 10 minutes of my day. 


  1. NO COMMENTS on this one? Granted, I did only do a quick scan 2 days late, that chicken-search-pic was enough to really get me ROTFL!