|HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT FREAKING TIGER!|
In this, our first installment of Point/CounterPoint, TVMWW will tackle the question: Should Kim G. be mauled by a tiger on live television? Obviously, I think she should, so I will go first. Afterwards, I have asked my good friend, Dr. Cliff Glorvenberbs, Professor of Criminology at SUNY Florvendale, to give his thoughts on the counterpoint.
|I hate that I find both of these women sort-of attractive.|
Point - Yes, Kim G. should totally be mauled by a tiger on live television.
By The Evster
C'mon, we've all been thinking it. And now it's time for Kim G. to finally get what's coming to her: a good ole fashioned tiger mauling.
At this point, it's the only logical step. The lady is a troublemaker! Did you see how she showed up to Jesus's birthday party with that lawyer lady in an attempt to start trouble? Nobody likes a troublemaker! In my day, we had a word for people who showed up to birthday parties with lawyers attempting to cause trouble: we called them "troublemakers!"
The only real concern is whether or not our nation is ready to witness an actual human being get torn to shreds on live television. I contend that we are. A few years ago, I sat through 100 minutes of that stupid Grizzly Man movie, waiting for those grizzlies to maul that guy, and they didn't even show anything! UNACCEPTABLE! The audience can take it - if we can sit through the end of The Bachelorette when the guys break down and cry (and moan, AND moan), we can definitely handle one old lady dying a painful death at the hands of a killer tiger.
I say, kill the bitch.
And I wanna watch.
|Dr. Glorvenberbs - lecturing to the Idaho Department of Animal Safety about the importance of squirrels wearing pants.|
CounterPoint - I gotta be honest, I know I'm supposed to argue against the whole mauling thing, but I'm not sure if I can.
By Dr. Cliff Glorvenberbs
Geez, what do I possibly say here?
No person deserves to be mauled?
That's not true, I know lots of people that deserved to be mauled. Granted, most of them have hosted Entertainment Tonight at one point or another, but still.
Honestly, I got nothin'.
I guess one reason maybe Kim G. shouldn't get mauled is 'cause maybe the tiger wouldn't really wanna maul her? But that's crazy, of course a tiger would want to maul her. It's a tiger. Tigers love mauling stuff. I once saw this video of a tiger mauling something, I dunno, maybe a horse? It was crazy! Imagine how amazing it'd be to see a tiger maul an old lady! All from the comfort of your own living room.
The only thing is, I'm not so sure the tiger would really enjoy mauling Kim G., because there's not really much of her to maul. She's so frail! What's she like, 85? How 'bout when she took that pole-dancing lesson from Danielle Staub? What was she trying to prove?! "Engage and suggest." I actually sort of thought that Danny dude was gonna maul both of them. What a haircut.
So, yeah, I'm all in favor of the mauling.
And I say put it on Telemundo. It'd probably be increíble en Espanol!
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