Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Wednesday's Ex-Wifey: Denise Richards

Unbeknownst to the public: Charlie is reaching for a Glock in his left pocket. 

Behind every great man is a great woman. And behind every egomaniacal coke-head is a woman who has probably been choked out once or twice. Congratulations, Denise Richards, you are this week's Wednesday's Ex-Wifey!

But before we talk about Denise, a quick thought regarding Charlie Sheen's appearance last night on 20/20.

Why wasn't Charlie Sheen using an ashtray as he chain-smoked throughout his entire interview? Did you notice that he was constantly ashing into a small water bottle that had an opening about the size of a Combo? You're telling me that a guy who smokes seven pound rocks of cocaine doesn't have ONE ashtray in his entire mansion? At least lay down some aluminum foil or something, I KNOW that dude has PLENTY of Reynold's Wrap, no crack-head can go without it.

I seriously expected his tour to go something like this:

"Welllllll, here's my room of Cuban cigars, this is my wine cellar, and this, oh you're gonna love this, check it out, my pride and joy, my aluminum foil collectsh! Look, I've got Reynold's Wrap, Whole Foods Brand and this beauty, oh I love this stuff, imported straight from Bolivia. You can't find this isht anywhere. I f***ing love Boliviaaaaaaaaaa!"

Ashtray, you better organize them Sega Genesis cartridges. 

Back to Denise, who's track record of dudes is not very impressive. As a teenager, she dated John Stamos. Yep, you read that correctly, John "Aluminum Foil Balls" Stamos. Denise also appeared on one episode of Doogie Howser M.D. where her character actually went on a date with Doogs. I don't know who she's currently linked up with, but I imagine he's probably very much like Scott Disick.

Denise's Wikipedia page also mentions that she's emetophobic, which means she has an intense, irrational fear of vomiting. Let's hope she doesn't watch Charlie's next reality show where he travels to Columbia and attempts to snort a baby.

This is a real person!



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Or just take a nap. That's what I'd do.  

4 comments:

  1. i seriously HEART you more and more each blog at a time. I can hear you saying this stuff. I'm just wondering though, what's wrong with a lil choking??!

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  2. But Charlie is epic bro-he's high on ''CHARLIE SHEEN"

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  3. Kind of amazing how the world has embraced Charlie. I mean, clearly he's out of his mind and doesn't seem to be a good person, but his filterless approach is quite refreshing. Plus, he's got tigerblood!

    Winner winner chicken dinner!

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