Wednesday, March 30, 2011

American Idol: Google Image Search For Paul McDonald Yields Pictures of People Who Look Much More Like Paul McDonalds

Paul Blart, Mall Cop / Beautician

I gotta say, I really like this Paul McDonald fella. I like his voice, his hair, his beard, his moves, I really like his moves, I mean, I've really never seen moves like his, but there is one aspect of Paul McDonald that needs some serious improvement:

His name!

Paul McDonald?

C'mon Paul McDonald! The Paul McDonald I know does not look like a Paul McDonald. He looks more like "Reese Rhinestone" or "Clay Ringledaybs." So I did a Google image search for Paul McDonald and these are the Paul McDonalds that I found:

This is Paul McDonald. Probably sells life insurance. Played the saxophone in middle school. Collects model trains. Or possibly dead hookers. He's Paul McDonald. Middle name is most likely Ralph.

This is also Paul McDonald. Dentist. Rides a bike. Keeps a low sodium diet. May also collect dead hookers.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Paul McDonald. Once bowled a 237. Allergic to everything bagels. Swears that a squirrel can go faster than a car.

Hello there. I'm Paul McDonald. I just murdered someone. Big Charlotte Hornets fan back in the day. Favorite player? Kelly Tripucka.

Nice to meet you, I'm Paul McDonald. My office is down the hall to the left. If you need anything, feel free to give me a holler. Oh, also, I've had hemorrhoids consistently for the last 15 years of my life. Please kill me.


  1. I still have no idea who Paul McDonald is.

  2. Thad, I was thinking the same thing.

    What a mystery.

  3. Dead hookers and hemorrhoids. hot. good ol' pauly mcdee. thanks for the explanaysh.

  4. If you do a google image search for "The Monn" (and repeatedly insist that you did not mean "The Moon") this is the first hit:

    I wish I were kidding. And didn't love chocolate.

  5. Can someone please do a Google image search for my missing blue sock?