Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Jermaine Dupri is So So Short

How was this possible?!?!

Jermaine Dupri is honestly so short.

This is hardly news or any type of groundbreaking revelation, but he is seriously so short. I've always known JD was short and I've always known that I didn't like him, but after last Sunday's episode in which Nene interviewed Captain Shortstack and he was curt and distant and annoying and short, he cemented himself as the preeminent DB in the hip-hop world (which is REALLY saying something).

I did a Google search for "How short is Jermaine Dupri?" and it yielded minimal results, so I reluctantly searched for "How tall is Jermaine Dupri?" and found out that he is 5'3'' (and a half). So I imagine he tells people he's 5'4''. I am 5'9'' and 7/8ths and obviously 5'10'' sounds SO MUCH better, but I tell people I'm 5'9'' because I like to hear people say, "No wayyyyy. You're at least 5'10''. You're AT LEAST 5'10''!"

Look at Muggsy up on Mike! I guarantee Muggs got a steal here (or at least prevented a bucket!).

The rest of the episode centered around Kandi and Kim's promo-tour and the continued acceptance that Kim gets from the African American culture (which is MIND BOGGLING). Kim performed her latest single, "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" to an audience of wildly excited and accepting black people, further proving that I don't understand anything in this world. I guess having talent or the ability to carry a tune doesn't really matter in the music biz and the only thing people truly care about is a person's likability. This explains the public's affection for such stars as Antoine Dodson, The Pants on the Ground Guy and Kim. Because despite all of Kim's faults, she is sort of intelligent and charismatic and has really big you-know-what-skis.

Peter (Cynthia's fiance) continues to be terribly unlikable as he and Cynthia sat down with a counselor (friend?!) for couples therapy. After some uncomfortable bickering, the counselor asked Peter and Cynthia to look into each others' eyes and tell their partner what they loved about them. It was at this moment that Peter proved his total lameness.

He told Cynthia (a supermodel who has probably been showered with superficial compliments regarding her beauty her entire life) that he loved "her nose, her lips, her eyes and her soul ...." essentially showing that he knew nothing about her and just thinks she's pretty. Cynthia responded by saying she needed to stop and pick up again at a later time. I really really hope they don't get married and after typing that last sentence I just realized how much of an ABSOLUTE DORK I am! ... Why do I care whether or not they get married?!?! ... I don't even know them!! ... When did I become so invested in this reality TV garbage?!?! ... What is WRONG with me? ... I couldn't start a blog called, Sports, Buffalo Wings and Stuff I Like To Do? ... I need to regain control of my remote and my life.

Worse than Peter and Cynthia? ... I'm not so sure!

Regardless, Peter and Cynthia's trainwreck of a relationship may lead to an upcoming post examining some of the worst couples currently on reality television.  

"Examining?" ... "EXAMINING?!?!" ... Why do I feel the need to EXAMINE their relationships?!?! ... I'm not a sociologist ... I don't even really care! ... Man, somebody PLEASE punch me in the nuts ... PLEASE!!

Here are the worst couples on TV right now:

- Sammi and Ronnie, Jersey Shore - Sammie puts women back 75 years.
- Eric Williams and Jennifer, Basketball Wives - Pathetically hanging on to absolutely nothing.
- The Beverly Hills Housewife with the Ridiculously Large Lips and her Drip of a Husband, Real HW of Beverly Hills - Dude is just a drip and has no ability to please his wife in the sack.
- Peter and Cynthia, Real HW of Atlanta - Peter is just a jerk.

Jackée NEEDS her own show ... I'm looking at you, VH1!!

Lastly, on Watch What Happens: Live with Andy Cohen aka "The Man Who May Soon Run the Entire World", Andy had Jackée Harry on from 227. Now, I never watched 227 and didn't really know anything about Jackée before Sundee night, but let me just say that she is OUT OF HER MIND and I have NO IDEA how she has not worked since Two Two Sevvs. I'm guessing she was in a mental hospital for the last twenty-five years, but if there are any producers out there who want to co-produce a show with me and Jackée, HOLLER AT YOUR BOY!!


  1. Speaking of 5'10", find a clip of Paul Rudd on the Daily Show on Dec 15. I think it was 12/15. Definitely Dec.


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