Sunday, January 30, 2011

Carlos Boozer Totally Railed That Michelle Lady From The Bach ... And I Really, Really Love Cheeseburgers

The Booze Hound looks REALLY HAPPY that this story was leaked.

I mean, this is hardly news at this point considering the story broke four days ago, but people keep telling me that I need to put up shorter blog posts, so here's a quick one about NBA All Star Carlos Boozer totally plowing Michelle, the weathered face lunatic from The Bachelor.

According to Life and Style Magazine (an actual magazine apparently!) Michelle and The Boozeinator had an affair in 2009 while Booze was still married, although Michelle implies that he deceived her into thinking he and his wife were separated, blah blah blah, like that even matters, he's a multi-millionaire athlete with thighs like a friggin' rhinoceros.

For my female readers out there who may not know Boozer, he's essentially an enormous power forward who is Duke educated, originally from Alaska and seriously has thighs like a friggin' rhino. He's a monster (thighs like what, what what) and an old school, lunch-pail type player who likes to barrel his way to the bucket (and as I type this I realize that no women out there know or care what I'm talking about, so just I understand that he probably really, REALLY had sex with Michelle).

Uhhhh, yup ... that's weathered faced Michelle with Steve Sanders.

Boozer is also infamous for allegedly giving his word to former Cavaliers owner (and BLIND MAN) Gordon Gund that he would sign a free agent contract with Cleveland in 2004, only to leverage that conversation into getting the Utah Jazz to offer him more money. Days later, The Booze Hound signed with Utah where he would later meet Michelle and BLOW HER MIND with his trademark blue-collar Alaskan sexual maneuvers.

Special thanks go out to my buddy Law for telling me about this story and also to new internet friend, Thad S. who linked to it in my comments section.

Let it be known that Thad S. also writes a really great food blog called Philly Phoodie you can find here. He recently recommended the cheeseburger (with anchovy mayo!) at a new gastro-pub, Kennett.

Possibly more mind blowing than sleeping with an Alaskan.

For the record, Law, his wife Chicken, and myself, all had THE BEST CHEESEBURGERS we've ever had last week at The Royal Tavern in South Philly, complete with bacon, smoked gouda, carmelized onions, chile mayonnaise and longhots. Law got his with extra longhots. I got mine with extra heartburn. Chicken got hers sans longhots and also refuses to read my blog because "The posts are way too long."

Also, my wife just told me that following Zumba class on Saturday morning, Chicken diagnosed herself with Plantar fasciitis and hasn't been able to walk for the past 36 hours. 

Lastly, I totally realize that this "quick post" turned into another epic, long-winded, blabbapalooza from yours truly, so I sincerely apologize. I honestly can't ever shut up. I'm sorry. 


  1. Thanks for the shout out, Ev. The Royal burger is one of the best around. Gouda, onions, and bacon could be on a pile of dirt that a bum sleeps on, and I would have a hard time not taking a taste.

  2. So your headline.....I thought for certain I was due to read about the unsavory doings of the (dis)honorable congresswoman from Minnesota.

    Which made me throw up in my mouth a little.

    Thanks for not going there. But please check future headings for double meanings.

  3. Thad, somehow your comment sounds way too erotic.

    And Karin, I have no idea what Minnesota or a congresswoman is.

  4. Are we sure that's Steve Sanders? I've been staring at that picture for ten minutes and I'm still not convinced. Let me just look at it a bit longer. I'll come around.

  5. Are we sure you're not David Silver?