Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Bachelor: Brad's Actual Last Name is "Pickelsimer" ... Yes, "Pickelsimer"

Mr. Pickels doesn't look so great without that wet driveway, does he?

Yesterday, a story was broken that The Bachelor, Brad Womack, has a criminal record. Turns out, my wife's favorite tattooed beau-hunk was arrested in 1993 for forging a driver's license. He was also busted for public intoxication and for passing a bad check.

However, this is nothing, NOTHING compared to the story that broke along with his arrests that his given birth name is actually Stephen Bradley Pickelsimer. Obviously, none of us get to pick our birth names, so we can't hold Brad accountable, but this may further explain Brad's hatred of his father. It may also increase my wife's crush on Brad considering she LURVES pickles!

Mr. Pickels had to know this information would be found out at some point and my heart goes out to him on this matter. Lord knows that if I ever became famous, there would be a laundry list of secret sauce out there on me. For example, few people know that I was actually born with thirteen testicles.

Luckily for Brad, Pickelsimer is not the worst name of all time, but it certainly ranks right up there alongside Lipschutz, Glasscock and Jewbergstein.

Apologies go out to the late, great Professor Schlomo Jewbergstein, most well known for claiming to have coined the phrase, "coined the phrase."

Here's lookin' at you, Shlomo.


  1. My comment disappeared. Much like Brad "Pickles" Womack, I can't seem to do anything right. Things like hiding our past, feigning paying attention to boring women, suppressing our true inner desires, picking a reasonable last name, etc.

  2. I don't think these women are boring! They're insane and potentially hairless!

  3. HAHA, so you think everyone is hairless now? Is terrible dancing the tell? If I run into a terrible dancer from Delaware, I will assume the (best) worst.

  4. Does anyone know what Brad does for a living? Is this just like Joe Millionaire where he drives around in a Maserati and lives in a mansion during the show but then we find out that he operates a tractor for a living?

  5. I'll admit it...I read your blog. I googled something about Mr. Pickles and stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago. I love it. I hope this isn't creepy and weird that I just commented on a strangers blog. I never miss an episode of the bachelor. Watching all of those crazy ladies makes me feel better about where I'm at in my life and my ability to function as a contributing member of society. Also, I'm about ready to call ABC and ask them why they always hose down the driveway. Been wondering about that for years.

  6. Nothing wrong with commenting on a stranger's blog, but it is VERY wrong that you enjoy this blog.

    Thanks for reading. Please send money.

  7. My Last Name is Pickelsimer and I loved it i thought is was fun.. I think it awful that Brad gives such a fun last name a bad name...Marie

  8. He's not really helping the name "Brad" either ... although that name has an innate douchiness to it already.