Thursday, November 11, 2010

Throwdown! With Bobby Flay aka Punk'd 2.0

Bobby Flay does his best impersonation of Ben Roethlisberger at the clubbbbbb.
You know when you've had a long week and you're really looking forward to just relaxing on a Friday night? Your wife has plans to go out with the girls and you're left alone with a cheesesteak, a remote control and a freshly cleared out memory card for a new season of Fifa?  You even took some time to make transfer moves and update your game considering you still have Playstation 2 and play Fifa '08. And then all of a sudden, one of your friends calls you and says he has an extra ticket to the Sixers-Hawks game?

All you wanna do is stay home and take AC Milan to the Scudetto, but you can't pass up a free ticket to a game, especially because your friend is a lawyer and the seats are in the lower level and any game featuring Josh Smith carries with it the potential to see a guy jump over a whole 'nother guy. So you stick your steak in the fridge, put on some pants and head out the door to watch Lou Williams jack 20 foot fadeaways.

For the record, I have NO IDEA what this is like. I only have one friend who is a lawyer and he NEVER invites me to go to games, probably because I never shut up. Also, the last time my wife went out on a Friday night without me, I spent the whole time on looking at videos of squirrels eating stuff

The point is, when this wrinkle is thrown into your plans, you still end up having a great night. The game is cool, you feel like you're actually a part of the world and depending on how successful your lawyer friend is, you may end up at Delilah's Den making it rain drizzle. But really, all you wanted to be doing was just chillaxinating.

This incredibly long-winded four paragraph explanation describes how I feel about the chefs that Bobby Flay challenges on Throwdown. In every episode, The Food Network dupes a cook into thinking they're making a TV show about them, only to have Bobby Flay punk them and challenge them to a surprise competition (a throwdown!). The cooks are always excited to see Bobby, always up for the throwdown, but deep down I always feel bad for them, knowing that the show isn't really all about them. It's a show about them AND a red-headed dude who insists on putting "heat" in everything. "Today we're gonna be making a cold gazpacho ice pop, so I'm using some fresh imported glaciered ice from Norway, some cool mint and I thought I'd put in some of these nice pablanos from Taos, just because I once bought a really nice rug there."

Every show is pretty much the same, but I enjoy them all, especially when Bobby loses. Bobby always prepares his dish with a little cute wrinkle in it, because he knows that if he tries to recreate the meal in its traditional way, he'll have no shot. For example, if he were challenging Don McDick to a grilled cheese throwdown, instead of using white bread, American cheese and butter, Bobby would probably use Monterey Jack on a nice brioche with a little hint of magma.

Last night he challenged some lady to a pumpkin pie throwdown, which I was really excited about considering I love pumpkin pie. After the first segment, I changed the channel and forgot about the show, only to return 35 minutes later to find Bobby challenging some other lady to a carrot cake throwdown in the next episode. This was even more exciting because I REALLY love carrot cake and this lady was much more attractive than Mrs. Pumpkin Neck. Bobby of course got cute, funny and fresh and made his cake with marshmallow icing. The judges' decision was nerve-wracking and like always, I really wanted the challenger to win because it means so much more to them than to Bobby. Also, Bobby didn't even bother to paint little carrots on top which is ESSENTIAL for any carrot cake.

I won't spoil the ending for you, just in case you DVR'd it and are planning on watching it on Friday night when your spouse is out cheating on you.

Google image search: "Mrs. Pumpkin"
Lastly, I gotta just say that I don't get the whole "heat" thing with food. I know it makes me less of a man to order wings that are mild, but I'm sick of trying to be cool and ruining every Indian dish I ever order. I can't tell you how many meals I've ruined just because I was trying to impress a waitress. On the flip side, I TOTALLY GET the whole "cold" thing, like jumping into a freezing lake or watching football games in Ann Arbor. It's just a shame that Michigan football sucks. Fire Rich Rod already ... he's a disgrace!!!


  1. I've always kind of thought Bobby Flay was a smug douche on all his shows. And I don't know if this video can be found on but youtube search for "hampster on a piano". I think it might make your head explode.

  2. ALSO! Did you know that Bobby Flay is married to DA Alexandra Cabot from SVU!?

  3. I thought Bobby Flay was boinking January Jones? Also, isn't it just hamster? not hamPster?

    Is there a video of a hamster in a hamper? I think you can download it on Nampster.

  4. Oh my god! If there is no "P" in hampster I am seriously living a lie. I can't tell you how many times I type hampster in any given day. And if I've been spelling it wrong this whole time.... I just don't know, Evan.....

  5. OMG-'hampster'-You are kidding me ,right

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