|Eagles + baby = this blogpost.|
It should also be noted that there is a brewing debate among psychologists that a fourth stage of development, The Bonkers Stage, could occur if in fact a human happens to witness a baby wearing a thong who also happens to be on fire. Only one of these such occurrences has ever been documented, by the late Dr. Gorville Harlanstam of the University of Phoenix whose fucking brain exploded when he experimented with The Bonkers Stage in his laboratory (
|The most depressed people ever. Also, how about that lion-dude on the far right?|
As the game began, Sam (whose mom, Annie, prefers him to be called "Sammy," although I like to go with "Samuel Gompers," a moniker that she is NOT happy about) was walking around and constantly falling over, a sight that should be witnessed by anyone who also enjoys watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Mr. Gompers was walking around in front of their coffee table and every time he took two steps and collapsed onto the floor, he would disappear, only to sprout right back up in a completely different direction than he was facing seconds before. It was fascinating, he'd be walking for a few steps towards the dining room and than BLAM! onto the floor ... and then back up and heading 90 degrees in another direction and then BLAM! onto the floor again and right back up walking towards his giant stuffed blue bear, Theodore. I'm pretty sure at this time Jay Cutler threw around five touchdowns to Johnny Knox, but I honestly have no idea because Theodore is so big and so blue and so furry.
|Samuel Gompers spots a baby. Or possibly a thong.|
Seconds later, Abu hollered for us all to hurry back to the living room, because we "have to see this!" I figured Michael Vick had launched a 70 yard bomb to Desean Jax, but no, Sammy had just completely smeared himself with cream cheese, a sight so ridiculously hilarious that it caused us all to hover over him in his highchair as if he had fallen down a well. At this point, Michael Vick could have thrown a football through a guy's facemask, causing the field to be splattered in blood and brains and pigskin and I honestly would not have noticed because this baby's face was so damn mesmerizing. Gomps got scared and started to cry, possibly because he had four humans towering over him or possibly because having cream cheese slathered all over your face is extremely uncomfortable, a feeling I know all too well.
|Captain Caveman DEFINITELY spots a thong.|
All in all, a fine Sundee afternoon of
And I now totally understand why Abu's fantasy football team is in last place.