Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mad Men: Peggy Slept With That Guy?!?!

Look at Peggy Ols!
After Sunday's (sort of boring?) episode of Mad Men, viewers were left scratching their heads as to why Peggy slept with that annoying, bohemian dude and Don gave in to his mediocre secretary.

Let's look at Peggy first:

It's a little known fact that a girl sitting on a dude's lap in a jam-packed car of young adults is one of the leading causes of premarital sex (right behind already having a girlfriend and being good looking). There's something primal about a man putting his arm around a woman like a seat-belt that gives the woman a sense of false security. (Or maybe women just love to sit on a dude's wong? I know that dudes certainly love this.) In reality, the man's arm serves no purpose whatsoever and if they were to get into an actual accident, she would still fly through the windshield and probably become a paraplegic. However, young adults are stupid and like mashing on top of each other as an aphrodisiac.

A natural aphrodisiac
I once hooked up with some chick simply because I was forced to share a seat with her. I had no business hooking up with this girl; she was cute, intelligent, and would later grow up to become an upstanding member of society (and possibly a lesbian). I on the other hand almost died playing racquetball last week and currently manage five different fantasy football teams. Regardless, we got it on, and I owe it all to the fact that my friend Jonah drove a two-door hatchback (oh, and the girl was a ripping slut). 

In regards to Don, his situation was even more simple: when that secretary lady touched his arm, he was done.

Most women by the time they turn 15 realize that if they are able to touch another man anywhere on his body, they can most likely manipulate him into doing whatever they want. In fact, I once went out to get an old girlfriend frozen yogurt during Game 7 of the NBA Finals simply because she put her foot on my calf. Do you think men get their hair cut at the Hair Cuttery because they offer inexpensive haircuts in a variety of convenient strip-mall locations? No. It's because every one of their stylists is trained to gently graze their breasts against your shoulders while they shampoo your hair. This leads us to give outrageous tips, recommend our friends and occasionally run over to the supermarket next door to get them frozen yogurt.

Peggy doesn't really have the best taste in real-life either, does she?
Don actually did a great job of deflecting his secretary's advances, but then she kicked it up a notch by making devious eye-contact.  Don was left with no choice but to completely ravage her in a way that no man who gets his hair cut at the Hair Cuttery could possibly fathom.

Thanks, Don.


  1. in REGARD to. amazing. but you need an editor. like F.

  2. So I looked up the rules of, "In regard to" and "In regards to" on Googs, and I found this from Kenneth G. Wilson of the Columbia Guide to Standard English:

    "In regards to, however, is both Substandard and Vulgar, although it appears unfortunately often in the spoken language of some people who otherwise use Standard. It never appears in Edited English."

    Oh good, substandard and vulgar. Thanks Kenneth!

  3. whats with all the former girlfriend references? I thought this blog was a homage to your wife. I hope the next entries pay her more RESPECK!

  4. Listen Bash, neither my wife nor I can deny the fact that I was once class pimpadictorian!