Friday, September 17, 2010

Mad Men: Joan Is Bonkers

Christina Hendricks is fast approaching level 9, off-the-charts bonkers status.

It has gotten to the point that anytime she walks onto the screen with her absolutely bonkers breasts, I find myself screaming at the television. Normally, I don't even actually form sentences, just awkward sounds as if she slugged me in the gut. I'm sort of starting to get angry at how hot she is.

Equally as frustrating is the lack of attention she's getting across the country for being so close to off-the-charts bonkers status! To this day, only three women in the history of western civilization have reached this level of off-the-charts bonkersnish. They are (in no particular order):

1. Elle McPherson
2. Kim Kardashian
3. Mariah Carey (circa 1997)

(We're talking about the Mariah who was recently separated from her husband, mentally unstable and wearing cut-off jean shorts in seemingly every public appearance. It was also at this time that I believe she killed a man by simply asking him to hold her flip flops.) 

While doing some research,* I found that Maxim Magazine did not even have Christina ranked in their 2010 list of the 100 hottest women! Even more ridiculous was the fact that since Mad Men debuted in 2007, Time Magazine has not named her Person of the Year once. In 2009, they gave it to some guy named Ben Bernanke while it 2008 it went to Barack Obama? This country needs to wake up and recognize.

At the very least, Big Red should be doing ads for Maybelline or Loreal or Triscuits. Are you telling me that you wouldn't buy 19 boxes of Triscuits if you saw an ad with Joan's red nail polish putting a piece of cheese on a cracker? I already have three boxes of Triscuits at my house and I don't even have a job.

The bottom line is that this woman and her bonkers butt are blowing peoples' minds. If we don't give Joan the attention that she deserves, she very well could end up dating Justin Beiber.

She sitting here, she supposed to be the franchise player and we in here talking bout Bieber!

*not really research

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