|She's not even looking while she's cutting!|
The other day I caught an episode where The Barefoot Contessa grilled an entire, whole chicken. She removed the back and breastbones with ease, slathered the chicken in rosemary and oil and just slapped it on the grill. It seemed so effortless that I figured I'd hop off the couch and try it myself.
|Any chance this guy lives next door to Contessa?|
When I went to lather on some cream cheese, I noticed that we had no clean knives.* So I took a fork (also dirty) and turned it around, spreading my cream cheese with the handle. This got the job done and I devoured my snack on the couch while Contessa finished preparing her meal.
Realizing she had an entire chicken to eat and no one to share it with, Contessa decided to invite her next-door neighbor Joan over. Now I'm not sure if her neighbor's name was in fact, Joan, but based on the fact that she had a sweater wrapped around her shoulders, her name had to be either Joan, Sharon or Corey Pavin.
Of course Joan came over, they ate an entire chicken and I fell asleep with crumbs in my beard.
When I woke up an hour later absolutely starving, I decided to go to Wawa, where I saw my next-door neighbor Bridgette. Bridgette was grabbing some Doritos and told me that she and her husband Dan were having "Burger Night."
"Burgers and Doritos, sounds perfect!" I said, giving her the clear opportunity to invite Dar and I over for a burg.
But did Bridgette take the bait? .................. No!
|33% of a burg is not a lot to ask for|
Well, I know who I won't be calling the next time I make cinnamon raisin toast.
(It's Dan and Bridgette.)
(Besides, then they'd insist on bringing over over their baby, Irene, and it'd be a whole thing with the baby and the baby would start barfing all over the place and that's just not relaxing at all.)
*This doesn't happen to The Barefoot Contessa. She always has loads of little glass bowls filled with herbs, and cute little measuring spoons and a cutting board that doesn't have an entire grapefruit on it from the night before. I'm starting to hate her.