Thursday, October 29, 2015


Well, I found a video that's right up my alley:


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

This Could Be the Best Key & Peele Sketch Ever

If you're not watching Key & Peele, you are living a goddamn lie. I know, I know, there's too many shows to watch: Bones, Scandal, House, Jag, Jagjams, but just shut up for five minutes and watch this new sketch that could be their greatest ever.

Then again, this one could still be my all-time fave.

If you want more more more of Key & Peele, here's a pretty great interview they did with Terry Gross in 2013. And here's a squirrel eating some watermelon

Friday, July 17, 2015

7 People Named John Cougar Mellencamp who are Totally Named John Cougar Mellencamp

Holy shit

As a spinoff from my post on The 700 Level today, "Seven Beach Activities That Don't Completely Suck," I figured I'd write another top seven list.

Here you go:

1. John Cougar Mellencamp
2. John "The Cougar" Cougar Mellencamp
3. John Coogs aka Johnny Coogs aka John Cougar Mellencamp Jr.
4. John Cougar Mellencamp Jr.
5. John Bon Joogar Cougar Mellencamp Joogior
6. Johnny Johnny Boom Sauce Cougar Mellenmelon
7. Baloney Butt Bob

Thanks for reading, everybody!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Mad Men Finale: That Peggy/Stan Love Affair was Complete and Total Bullshit


I know I know I know, Mad Men ended like six years ago. But there's something I've been meaning to write about but haven't been able to get to because I am literally the fattest, laziest piece of shit on the planet.

The finale was solid. It was thought-provoking. The whole Coca-Cola thing was bonks. I was obviously a littttttttttle surprised that Don ended up being a horse, but then again -- not to toot my own horn -- look who predicted that way back in 2012.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Songs by Black People that are Way Better than Songs by WhitePeople: "Ride" by Ciara

cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger

Welcome to a new weekly feature here at TVMWMWMWWWMWMW where every week (that's what "weekly" means) I'll be breaking down some of the greatest music videos that black people have ever made. These videos are so dope and so hilarious and so bonks that they would make any white person's butt explode. The first in the series, "Ride" by Ciara, is a bonafide jamblanger. If you've never seen the vid, please take 4 minutes and 38 seconds out of your boring white life to watch it now. Thank you.

Okay so first of all, if you're still alive after watching that lady's gyrations then congratulations on not needing a quadruple bypass. Second of all, there is no second of all. Holy shit. The first eight times I watched that vid, I just sat on my couch screaming at my television. Obviously we need to talk about Ciara's hip action. Specifically when she frog kicks whilst slapping the floor like Wojo. And also those Macadamian Squat Thrusts, leaning back and lookin' like the Iron Sheik, except instead of sitting on a dude's back, her ass is hovering in midair like a goddamn angel.

Get over yourself, Hulkster!

Blogging is so stupid. Here's a giraffe.

That's definitely a #giraffe.

Monday, March 16, 2015

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst

I know!!!


Look, I don't know what the hell you're doing right now, but stop doing it. Just stop. Call your boss. Cancel your appointment at #Great #Clips. Just put your stupid life on hold for a few stinking hours and get to your couch so you can watch HBO's documentary series The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst. It's only six episodes and each ep is only like 45 minnies. You'll be done in no time. I watched every ep last night and it was RIVETING. So go go go! Stop friggin' reading this. Riveting is an understatement. It's about a weird, eccentric rich dude who may have murdered a few peeps in the last 30 years. If you don't have HBO, order it. JUST FUCKING ORDER IT. Or find someone who has an HBO Go password. I have one. I will lend you my goddamn password. Jesus Christ what is taking you so long? It was the most incredible documentary series I've ever seen. Maybe even the most incredible TV/Movie/watching something something I've ever seen. With the most bonkers ending ever. And I am not exaggerating. Why the fuck are you still reading? I hate you so much.

If you are still reading, let it be known that you are now entering SPOILER CITY. So go now. Unless you watched. Then keep reading. But Jesus Fucking Christ are you kidding me?!?!?!


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Bach: The Most Dramatic Ending to the Most Dramatic Season Ever

RIP you goddamn angel.

All year long, Harrison told us this was the most dramatic season ever. Week in and week out, he stood up there with THE SAME BORING HAIRCUT and delivered this message over and over and over again. We waited, and we watched, and we watched and waited some more, and we left comments on our favorite blog sites, and we even read our favorite blogger's sports blog even though we're not really that into sports -- I mean, sure, yeah, we'll watch it from time to time and March Madness is always cool and the Olympics, sure, love that, love all that, but whatever, we wanted to support him and increase his pageviews because maybe then he could quit his day job and pursue his dream of writing for Matt Lauer and The Today Show -- but then as Chris the Farmer sent Becca home last night, we realized Harrison was right all along. This was the most bonkers season of the Bach ever. Because how the hell did that lady last soooooooooooooooo freakingggggggg longggggggg?

Yo, that lady was so boring and such a virgin and spoke with such a flat affect. She brought nothing to the table -- NUH-THING -- but yet she had us wondering if he might pick her to the very, very end. Even Chris (the farmer, not the aforementioned lame-o hairstyle guy) described Becca to his sisters as, "athletic, and I dunno, also very grounded," two things every man looks for in a spouse/doubles partner. Although now that I think about it, I guess I now understand why the Bach producers didn't pick Serena Williams for this show, because that lady is outta control! And sure, Susan Sarandon is down-to-earth and all, but an absolutely terrible swimmer. Great job Bach producers! You found Chris's (almost) ultimate dream woman! I hope one day she comes out of that coma!